We All Fall Down
by defyngravity
Summary: Sequal to Rusted Armour. Ed Green tries to pick up the pieces of his life and a tough case throws the city into shock. Crossover with SVU and CI. 2 of 3
1. Prologue

**AN:** Okay folks, here we go again. Let's start with the **_disclaimer: I don't own any of the LO characters or names,_**  
_**etc. Dick Wolf does, and he's the man. For the most part, you should be able to figure out which characters I made up.**_  
**_Chapter titles equal song titles. They are credited_. **Keep in mind while reading this that a) this is a sequel to _Rusted Armour And A Broken Knight_, you will probably want to read that one first. b) All my court, law, medical knowledge comes from watching TV and movies and news, so if I'm off- just go with it. I do my best to make it realistic and also fit the story line. c) My timeline is on it's own clock, so the character changes will be introduced in their own time, bare with. _d) There are breif moments of strong language, nothing too obscene- but you've been warned._ 5) Most of all, please enjoy! Comments/reviews make me happy and make me want to update sooner. As with the first one, I am on the final editing stage of this story and as the chapters get their final edit, they will be posted. I will do my best to update, but I am a busy woman so go easy on me. That's all. Read on.

* * *

**Prologue**

Walking down the city street at a slow stroll, he breathed in the evening just enjoying being home. He'd been back roughly two hours and the first place he found himself was outside a familiar apartment. He looked up at it and walked inside. He took the stairs two at a time, went down the hall, and knocked on the door. After a moment, it opened and she smiled out at him.

"Hi Olivia," he said, smiling back.

"Hey. When did you get home?"

"Tonight. I know I said I'd call but..."

"Do you want to come in?"

"No...no it's late...I just wanted to say hi." He reached into his pocket. "And bring you this. I-uh...y'know I saw it and thought of you, and thought-," he stumbled along, then stopped. "And on the way here I planned out a whole speech just to make it sound like I hadn't planned on buying you a thing, but the truth is I spent the entire trip looking for it." He handed her the small box. She grinned and accepted it. "I wanted to play it off, but guess I flubbed that..."

"Thanks, Ed. You didn't have to buy me-"

"It's a thank you. For everything," he said as she opened the box. She pulled out a silver chain bracelet with a small Eiffel Tower charm hanging at the clasp.

"It's lovely."

"It's nothing."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." They smiled at each other for awhile. "How about dinner tomorrow night?"

"Okay."

"Okay then. Good night, Olivia."

"Good night, Ed." He waited until she shut the door and locked it before he started to walk away, then he heard the door open again and he turned around. She stepped out of the apartment, walked up to him and kissed him. "I'm glad you're back," she said quietly before going back into her apartment.

Ed left the building and headed home. He was still staying with Bobby. During the trials Ed hadn't found an apartment, so Bobby let him move into the guest room temporarily. It was before used as a makeshift library. The two had become good friends, and enjoyed the company and the money they each saved. It had started out as a temporary situation, but neither were worried about changing things.

He walked in and dropped his keys on the side table. Bobby was at the couch reading. Ed glanced at the television. "Hey, Iron Giant," he said, using the nickname Bobby had gained months before. "Don't you ever watch TV?"

Bobby looked up at Ed and then at the off television then back at Ed. "Yes." Ed laughed and sat down in the armchair. "How was she?" Bobby asked, his eyes returning to his book.

"How's who?" Ed kicked off his shoes and turned the TV on.

"Benson."

"What're you talking about?"

"You got back from your trip and ran right out the door again. Now you're smiling and flustered." He glanced at Ed again and smiled. "Plus I saw you two the day before you left."

Ed raised his eyes to Bobby. "I really don't know what you're talking about."

"Uh-huh."

Ed flipped to _Family Guy_ and left it. Near the end, Bobby was chuckling. Ed looked over and saw _Bobby Goren_, of all people, watching the cartoon and laughing. "I will never understand you."

* * *

The following day, Ed was actually happy to be back at work. Joe Fontana was even happier, though. The second Joe saw his partner, he jumped up. 

"Thank God! You will not believe the schmuck they stuck me with this time."

"Good to see you, too," Ed said.

"Come on globe trotter, we've got a call already."

It was nearly quitting time when Ed finally sat at his desk. His cell phone chirped. "Green."

"Hey," came Olivia's voice.

"Hey." He couldn't help but smile.

"I hate this, but I'm gonna hafta cancel dinner. We've got an ugly case going."

"Oh. Well...that's okay, I understand."

"Not mad?"

"No. I've canceled too many dates to remember," he said.

"Tomorrow night?"

"Yes."

"Thanks for understanding."

He hung up. Joe had a raised eyebrow. "You just got back and you had a date already? What, did you meet her on the plane?"

"No." Ed picked up his keys and phone. "Good night, Joe."

* * *

The next night Ed got stuck on a case and had to cancel dinner with Olivia. They said they'd meet for dinner at the end of the week, but then plans got canceled again. So they rescheduled. Then suddenly, it had been a month since he'd been back and two weeks since they'd spoken, and they still hadn't had dinner. 

Ed and Joe were having a very slow day. So slow, they were catching up on paperwork. Ed's stomach grumbled. "I'm gonna take an hour lunch," he said to Joe. "Call me if something comes in." He stepped outside and drove to his favorite sub shop and grabbed a bag of food, then he went to the SVU.

When he walked in, he spotted Olivia at her desk. Her partner, Elliott Stabler, wasn't at his desk. Ed walked up to Olivia and set a sub in front of her. She looked up and smiled.

"Ed! What are you doing here?"

"Bringing lunch." He pulled a chair next to her and sat backwards on it. He said in a low voice, "I figured if I didn't, dinner would never happen."

"I appreciate this, really I do but-"

"But what about gossip?" He asked. He held up the bag. Just then, Stabler Munch and Fin walked over.

"Hey Green, long time no see." Stabler said. "What brings you out here?"

"Brought lunch." He took a sub from the bag and passed the bag onto Elliott.

"Good man." Elliott said. He took a sub and passed the bag on to Munch and Fin. As the guys gathered around and proceeded in guy-talk, Ed winked at Olivia. She smiled.

After a short visit, Ed stood. "I gotta get back to the 2-7. I left a thrilling day of paperwork."

"I'll walk you out," Olivia said. The two left after Ed said his goodbyes, neither noticing the raised eyebrows behind them. They stood awkwardly outside.

"I'm sorry we haven't caught dinner," he said.

"Me too. Thank you for lunch, it was a very nice surprise."

"Dinner tonight?" He asked.

"Sure."

"I'll call." He touched her arm gently, then left. All he could do was pray that nothing would come up.

* * *

Ed rushed home from work that day. The apartment was empty, and he was glad. While he took a shower and got ready for his date, he had the local news playing on the television. He climbed from the shower and patted his face down, then wrapped the towel around his waist. He went to the sink and started shaving, the news filtering down the hall. 

"...and in other news; a man convicted of murdering three people, and currently being tried on a fourth murder, is asking for an appeal. Paul Johnson-" Ed's head popped up and he ran into the living room. "-was arrested six months ago, this week, for the murder and rape of Misha Sullivan. Once arrested, he was also charged with the murder of Harvey Tate and Nathan Foster who were gunned down earlier that week in Johnson's club. His club The Blue Moon was no stranger to crime, and has since gone out of business. Johnson was sentenced, by a judge, to death by lethal injection. The DA has since uncovered information that Johnson may have been involved in the murder of another young woman. The man who was convicted of the crime will be released if Johnson is found guilty."

"Now this appeal Paul Johnson is going after-" Bobby walked in the front door and saw Ed standing in the middle of the room in nothing but a towel with shaving cream on half his face and a razor in his hand. He went to his friends side and watched the news with him. "-pertains only to the case of Misha Sullivan. Johnson's lawyer is claiming that his client was being targeted by the detectives on the case, and that they were so determined to pin him that they framed him. No word has been issued from the DA on these allegations. If Johnson was wrongly accused on this murder, it will likely not change his death sentence. Now let's check the weather..."

Ed was frozen in his spot. Bobby looked over at him. "It's a game, Ed." He saw Ed's jaw set and eyebrows furrow. "He wants to upset you."

"Why do I have to hear this on the news?" Ed growled. "I didn't have a vendetta against the jackass...he did it."

"We all know that." Bobby turned off the television.

Ed's cell phone rang. "Yea," he said into it.

"From your tone, I'd say you saw the news?" Asked Lieutenant Van Buren.

"Did you know?"

She hesitated a moment, "I spoke to McCoy today, yes."

"And neither of you thought I needed to know?"

"McCoy warned me, but asked me to wait a day before telling you. He and Branch are trying to deal with it, but it was leaked to the media. Likely by Johnson's lawyer."

"What's gonna happen?"

"Jack's working on it. I just wanted to call and tell you to keep your cool. It's all bogus and no one will believe him."

"Yea...whatever." He hung up his phone. Without a word to Bobby, he went to his room and slammed the door shut. He pulled on a pair of sweat pants and wiped his face with his towel. He glanced at his alarm clock. If he didn't finish shaving and get dressed right away, he'd be late for dinner. He wanted to go...but his heart just wasn't in it. He called Olivia to cancel.

"Everything okay?" She asked.

"Fine," he said distantly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yea. I'll call you." He hung up and lay back on his bed. He'd been doing good lately. His moods had evened out, and he had been able to go days without thinking of Misha and hating himself. He hadn't visited her in a couple weeks. He had planned to go the next day, when she would be gone for exactly six months. He couldn't sit around. He had to go see her.

On his way to the cemetery he picked up a yellow rose. He set it in front of her gravestone and sat down. He traced the words on her stone as he had done so many times. As he pulled his hand from the last groove, he spoke. "I'm not gonna let it happen. I swear to you. He's not...not..." Ed clenched his fists. This time it wasn't anger he was feeling. It was sadness. Even when she was dead, he felt unable to keep her safe.

* * *

The next day Ed was watching a news conference on TV with his co-workers. Branch was finishing his address. "...and now that the judge has overturned this ridiculous accusation, we can all get back to prosecuting Mr. Johnson on the case at hand. Yes?" He said, welcoming a question. 

"Is it true that this Detective...Green? Is it true he tried to kill Mr. Johnson when he was arrested?" A female reporter asked.

"Mr. Johnson's life was never in danger. There was an incident, but it was handled and the Detective was briefly suspended."

"Should the citizens of this city be concerned that such a man is on the force?" Another reporter asked.

"Detective Green is a fine officer. He works clean and efficiently. The Chief of Police stands behind Detective Green and is proud to have him serving this city. That will conclude the questions, thank you." Branch turned and walked away from the podium. Everyone's eyes left the TV and fell on Ed.

"Well I love the entire city thinking I'm a lunatic," Ed said.

"I'd like a word, lunatic," Jack McCoy said from the doorway with a small smile.

Ed walked over. "What's up?"

"I just spoke with Johnson's lawyer. They're willing to consider a plea."

"Really? What changed?"

"Nothing. Johnson will think about a plea only if you go visit him." Van Buren had walked over. Jack glanced at her. "I don't want you to feel like you have to do this. In fact, it would be best to ignore the request, but-"

"He wants to talk to me...I'll do it," Ed crossed his arms.

"I don't like it," Van Buren interrupted. "We all know how much you hate him. We also know he's enjoying watching you squirm."

"I won't touch him," Ed promised.

"Oh we've heard that one," she replied.

"I'm done playing games with him, Lieu."

"I'll be in there, as well as ADA Borgia," Jack assured.

"And we'll take Joe."

"Okay, okay." She looked at Jack. "Do not get my detective in trouble."

"Yes ma'am," Jack smiled.

* * *

McCoy, Borgia, Ed and Joe sat on one side of a the table at Rikers. Jack straightened his folders and cleared his throat. "Detective Green...I think you should know that depending on how this meeting goes, there's a chance of offering Johnson a deal." 

"What kind of deal?"

"I spoke with the judge from the last trial. If Johnson will give full confessions on all of these cases, she'll be willing to overthrow the death sentencing and give him life for all of it."

"No. Uh-uh. You can't do that," Ed shook his head. "He needs to pay for what he did."

"I'm not asking your opinion, I'm just warning you so that we'll at least appear to be on the same team."

"We are. I just-"

"Let's see how this goes," Borgia said to them quietly.

A moment later, Johnson and his lawyer were led into the room. Johnson sat and stared at Ed. He had a glimmer of a smile on his evil face.

"Good afternoon, Ed," Johnson jeered. "Or should I call you Eddie?"

"It's Detective Green," Ed told him calmly.

"Of course it is. I'm disappointed." Johnson looked at everyone sitting across from him. "I wanted to meet with just you, Eddie. Not the whole gang."

"Sorry Mr. Johnson, this is what you get," Ed was doing his best to stay calm and in control. "What do you want from me?"

"I missed you. We haven't seen each other since my trial."

"That's the way it works."

"She never spoke of you, you know. You're girlfriend. She must not have been very _impressed_ with you, what with the way she ran around."

"I didn't bring Detective Green here to be harassed," Jack said.

"Your detective should have no problem talking to my client if he claims he's so clean," his lawyer, Mr. Ross said.

Ed held up a hand. "What do you want Paul?"

"Just shooting the breeze."

"Get the breeze moving, then. I have places to be."

"It's just...well, Eddie, I was thinking...if your pal here," Johnson nodded to McCoy, "wants me to, I'll talk."

"Paul, be quiet," Mr. Ross said.

"No I'm good."

"So talk," Ed prompted.

"I want something first."

"What would that be?" Jack asked.

Paul grinned. "Clear me of all charges for Misha's rape and murder, and I will tell you anything and everything you want to know." Joe glanced to his partner, waiting for the backlash. Ed was leaned back in his chair with his hands folded and eyes set on Johnson. He was even smiling a bit.

"Not happening," Jack said quickly.

"Come on. Would you really want to leave here empty handed just to save a conviction on a useless, nothing to nobody, druggie whore?" Again, Joe looked at Ed. His face was expressionless. He didn't flinch. Joe had to wonder if Ed could hear at all.

Jack looked at Mr. Ross. "The fact of the matter is, your client isn't doing well right now. I'm sure you can both see that the trial is in our favor. I have two more cases just like this one, with the exact same pattern and young men just like Brandon serving time. I have two unsolved murders, and several women now stepping forward calling rape. Make us go to trial and we'll put up a hell of a fight and win each one. You will spend every final day of your pathetic life in a court room. Or...you confess now, tell us everything, and we remove the death penalty. You get life without parole, and we won't worry about all the trials.

"Why should we bother?" Mr. Ross asked.

"Because even if he gets off on the others, he's still getting the needle," Borgia put in.

"Sure would be fun watching all those tax dollars at work," Johnson said.

"This is your final chance. We leave today and you're looking at your own death shortly down the road. Your choice."

Mr. Ross leaned in to his client and they whispered. After a short discussion, Mr. Ross nodded. "Alright Jack, we'll take the offer."

"Very well then."

Paul Johnson spoke about everything Jack had in his folder and confessed to each one, with details only he would know. He didn't take long. As they took his signature, he glanced at Ed. "Want to hear about Misha?"

"You've already been convicted," Jack said. "You don't need to-"

Johnson stopped signing. "No. This isn't final until I say what I want to say."

"Then say it," Ed finally spoke. Joe started to get to his feet and pull his partner out. "Let him talk." Ed leaned over the table. "C'mon Paulie. Get it off your chest. I will _never_ be back here."

"She was pretty, Eddie. Real pretty. I couldn't stand her when she spoke, though. She seemed to think she was so smart, just because she spent all that time at the library. She thought she was actually on my level. Nothing that a good smack around didn't fix, of course." His eyes sparkled. "Nathan was crazy about her for some reason. Spent all this money...tried to fix her up. She seemed to want me. Obviously, I have more to offer a woman than Nathan ever did," he directed that comment at Borgia with a smile. "And that night, after everyone left..." His eyes went back to Ed's and bore into them. "Well...it was fun. You don't know what you missed out on, Eddie. You really don't. But, I'm sure you know how good she tastes, don't you? You'd have to be dead not to get some of her...the way she got around."

"But then...she went and said I raped her? Please. She wanted to tell you everything. That night...in Nate's apartment...I crept in and waited for her. Unfortunately, the bitch figured me out. I went for her and she fucking stabbed me! I told her to stay away from you cops, but she kept going on and on about her precious Eddie. 'Oh I'm telling Eddie! I'm getting Eddie after you! He'll never let you get away with this...blah blah blah...be scared of Eddie.' She just wouldn't shut the hell up! So I pulled the gun on her in hopes of making her see it my way. She screamed. She begged. She was crying and begging for her life. She lunged at me again with that damned knife. So I shot her. But hell if one bullet in her shoulder just wasn't enough...oh it hurt her." He nodded, grinning now. "All that blood...then she was going for the phone, probably to call her knight in shining armour...so I shot her again. Had no choice. POW, right into her stomach. And...POW, right into her chest. Usually I try one clear shot, but I had to make sure the bitch wouldn't wake up. She was on the floor...crying...trying to speak. I leaned over her and listened to her drowning in her own blood...I watched her tears fall...it wasn't happening fast enough. So I popped her in the head. That was it. By then, I knew I needed to get out and I started to clean up, but I was bleeding everywhere and feeling lightheaded...so I had to hurry out of there...and...well...you know the rest." He leaned back in his seat. Everyone in the room was repulsed.

Ed pushed back in his chair. "That's all then. Deal complete." He stood and walked away.

"Poor Misha...all she wanted was her beloved Eddie! Some hero you are!" Johnson shouted after him. Joe ran out after Ed and caught him down the hall.

"You okay?"

"Fine," Ed said, his voice still calm and even. "Let's get back to the 2-7. It's almost time to go home."

The whole way back Joe kept waiting for the shoe to drop, for Ed to loose it, but it didn't happen. When they got back Ed sat at his desk silently working. Joe told Van Buren what happened and they both stared at him. Ed packed up and walked out. "Good-night," he said to them.

Van Buren raised an eyebrow and looked at Joe. "I'd be a lot less concerned if he had his fist through a wall like normal," she said. Joe nodded in agreement.

On his way home, Ed called Olivia. "How about diner?" He asked.

"Are you sure? I heard about Johnson. We don't have to-"

"No, I'm fine. Really. It's over now, so let's just go out. We've been waiting nearly six months for this."

"If you're sure. Okay, come on by."

"Five minutes."

* * *

He picked her up and they went out for pizza and beer. They had a great time, without a single word of Paul Johnson or Misha. When he took her home he kissed her goodnight and told her he'd call. And he would. He liked her too much. He went home and tried to go to sleep, but he couldn't. He looked at the clock. It was after 2 AM. He went to the living room and turned on the TV. Before long, Bobby walked out of his bedroom. He looked at Ed, then went into the kitchen. He came back with two beers, handed one to Ed, and sat down. Then they silently watched the late night movie. 

The new vivid images of Misha's death played over in Ed's mind. They'd been on a loop ever since he left Rikers. They wouldn't let him sleep, they wouldn't let him concentrate, and now they were something he'd have to carry with him. Always. No, he didn't sleep that night. Bobby sat up with him all night. Ed didn't sleep the following night, or the one after. The only sleep he managed to get were short drifts at his desk or cat naps in the early evening. Each time he did manage to sleep, he was quickly awoken by dreams and the sound of gunshots in his mind.

* * *

Two weeks passed and Ed never spoke of the afternoon at Rikers. He didn't explode, as so many were expecting. He and Joe were coming in from lunch when they were called into Van Buren's office. 

"Paul Johnson was killed this morning," she said straight out. The men stared at her with their mouths open.

"How?" Ed asked.

"He was stabbed to death in the showers." She crossed her arms. "None of the guards saw a thing. None of the prisoners are talking. No one knew how the knife got in."

"Will there be an investigation?" Joe asked.

"Yes, but not by us."

"Well...the man had one too many enemies," Ed said. "Those three men that were wrongly convicted probably have friends still behind bars."

Van Buren raised an eye at him. She watched him carefully. "Have anything else to say?"

He shrugged. "Like what?"

"Get back to work."

The two went to their desks and sat down. "Know anything about this?" Joe asked.

"What are you suggesting?" Ed asked, offended. Joe just held his palms up. "C'mon, man. You know me better than that. That isn't me."

"Okay. I believe you."

"Good." Ed rolled his eyes and pulled open the file they were working on.


	2. One: Wild On The Run

**Wild On The Run**

"_Wild on the run, wild on the run.  
Look out, don't slow down."_

_  
Tall Stories _

Ed Green and his partner Joe Fontana were speeding like hell through the streets of the city, with the siren screaming and lights blazing. Neither were ready to face the scene ahead. Fontana pulled swiftly to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes. Green was out of the car before it even stopped. Both men charged up to where at least a dozen uniforms, a few detectives, and a whole circus of other people were. A slew of passer-by's were standing around and a news van was pulling up already. Ed flashed his badge.

"Who's talkin'?" He asked loudly. One of the detectives turned to him.

"Kris Quintin," the man said. "We were around the corner when the call came in and the first ones to arrive." He led them past the crime scene tape. Before them two officers lay, gunned down, on the sidewalk in front of a diner. Their faces were covered by two jackets. "Our guys were just coming out of lunch here. Witnesses claim to have heard two loud pops, and these two fell over. No one is sure where the shots came from. No one else got hurt." Green and Fontana eyed the dead officers grimly. "Dane Mullins and Tracey Wilson. They both got hit in the back of the skull."

Fontana looked around, then down at the bodies. "Whoever did it knew what they were doing," he said. He sighed and scratched the back of his head. He looked at everyone standing around. Several of the officers were standing in a line before the slain cops, to create a barrier. A cell phone chirped.

"Green," Ed said, answering his phone.

"How's it look?" Came Lieutenant Van Buren's voice.

"It looks like we have two officers dead. No one saw anything."

"Did you question witnesses?"

"We didn't, but statements have been taken, yes."

"Don't waste time in this. It's already leaking to the news. Get those bodies covered, and shut everyone up until the families are told. Go to their precinct and find out what they've been working on."

"Got it Lieu," Ed said, before hanging up. He glanced over and saw a few uniforms still hanging around, pushing off the press, who were trying to weasel in for pictures and information. "Finish up as soon as possible and get them to the M.E.," he said to the nearest CSU. He looked at Quintin and his partner Lee. "Alright, we're gonna go talk to some people. Can you two keep control here?"

"Absolutely," Lee said.

"Call us when they wrap up," Fontana said. Ed and Joe walked back to their car and took off. "Dead cops," Joe sighed again. "I hate dead cops." Ed just nodded.

They had just finished up with Lieutenant John McCann, and were walking back to the car. The Lieutenant had elected to tell the families, which relieved the two detectives. No one liked that part of the job. They would give the families a couple hours before speaking with them. They had enough to- Joe's phone went off. "Fontana." His face went sour. "Where?...we got it." He dropped his phone and hit the lights and sirens again. He looked at his partner. "We got another shooting. Five blocks from the last one."

"And?" Ed hated to ask.

"And he was quickly ID'd as Detective Oliver Reese. A couple uniforms were nearby on foot, ran over, covered him as soon as they realized who it was."

"Related?"

"Don't know."

They stood at the crime scene, unsure of anything. From the statements gathered there had been a loud pop and the man fell over. No one saw anything. No one saw where the shot came from. One to the back of his skull killed him instantly. They had been there for thirty minutes, and already CSU was finished and the body was being taken away. The press were fanatic wanting to know who had died, if it was connected, if the vic was a cop, and anything else they thought they could pry. They, of course, got nothing.

Ed's phone rang. "Green...gotcha." He hung up and leaned to his partner discreetly. "Lieu just got a call from her bosses. They want both of the scenes cleaned up and cleared...especially of cops." Joe nodded. The two went around and quietly broke the news to those that needed to know. They didn't want to press to hear that they were already preparing for the worst. Once they had the scene cleared, they got in their car and headed back to the 2-7. At long last Ed spoke the words that no one had the courage to yet, "Think we got a cop sniper?" Joe didn't respond.


	3. Two: Even Angels Fall

**Even Angels Fall**

"_It's a secret no one tells; one day  
it's heaven, one day it's hell.  
It's no fairy tale; take it from me,  
that's the way it's supposed to be."_

_Jessica Riddle_

The room was silent as every detective sat at their desks. It had been six hours since the first shooting and no one knew anything new. Van Buren stepped from her office.

"Boys and girls, I am sure there are calls you can make and files you can search," she said, annoyed.

"Come on Lieu! We can't do this job from our desks!" Ed burst out. "We need to be talking to people, canvasing the scenes, and finding who did this!"

She turned to him and narrowed her eyes. "We have six undercovers checking the scenes. Right now I need people who are on this case looking at where these shootings are connected. I need people on other cases working those cases as best they can. You and Joe don't need to show your faces on the street. I don't need either of you shot."

Everyone was frustrated. A hand full of people were going through file after file and making calls, trying to find a link. Nothing was presenting itself. Ed wanted desperately to be out there, on the street figuring this out. He'd always been best working out in the air.

For the next four hours, everyone worked. Ed and Joe didn't leave the building once. At long last, Van Buren sent everyone home for the day.

"We're going to be visited by feds tomorrow, I guarantee it," she said. "I know we all want to figure this out our way, but if they take over there is nothing we can do about it. So be on your best behavior. There's nothing we can do until morning. I want you two," she pointed at Ed and Joe, "dressed down tomorrow. _ If_ you're going to be out in the streets, you're not going to look like cops."

Ed, exhausted, pushed his way into the apartment. He could hear nothing but silence. He knew his roommate was home, though. He slid out of his jacket, dropped his keys, and walked into the living room. Bobby Goren was sitting at the couch with his paperwork spread across the coffee table. He was completely immersed in whatever he was looking at and didn't notice Ed sit down in the armchair and kick his shoes off. After a few moments, Ed cleared his throat.

Bobby finally looked up. "How's the case?" He asked.

"Nowhere. I'd like to pick your brain, but I just need to sit here a minute."

"I knew Reese. He was a good guy," Bobby said solemnly.

"I don't get it, man. I mean...from what we can see these three didn't know each other and never worked together. All we can do is check out their past cases, and there are too many to look at."

"They don't have to be connected. The fact that they're all cops is connection enough."

"I know. I guess I was hoping it wasn't open season on cops."

"What was Reese dressed in?"

"Same as what we wear every day. Which leaves the question, how'd the killer know he was a cop?"

"Come on, Ed. You know some guys make us the second they see us. Regardless of what we wear."

"Maybe. Or he had to have followed him around or known him. Reese was nowhere near the first crime scene to be associated with us."

"Anything found at the scene?"

"Nothing. But no one knows where to look, really. Too many buildings and alleys and cars that it could have come from," Ed said. He closed his eyes and pulled out the chair's footrest. "And they wouldn't let us out today doing the job right, cause they thought we'd be next."

"They had a point there." Bobby sat back and looked at Ed. "But it needs to be done right. Better than right."

"That's what I said." He threw a dismissive hand in the air. "I'm not in charge. Just don't be surprised if they pull you and Alex into it. Or anyone from your crew."

"We finished a case today and the Captain said to be ready to help on this. I think he was already called to see who might be free."

"Man...ordinarily I wouldn't want anyone in my way on this one...but I have to admit, we probably can't do it without you."

"Don't doubt yourself, you're a great cop. Almost a year we've been roommates and I'd say you're reading people better already," Bobby said. Ed nodded, his eyes still shut. "Did you give a call to any fellow detectives?" He asked, looking back down at his papers. His rare indirectness didn't fool Ed, but Ed pretended otherwise.

"No, who would I call?"

"I don't know. Someone at SVU?"

Ed opened an eye and looked at his friend. "Let it go, already will you?" He shrugged and shut his eye again. He couldn't deny that he'd thought of her several times that day, in concern. But he thought about her a lot over the previous months, and he hadn't broken down and called yet. Bobby let is pass and went back to studying his paperwork. The case had been solved, technically, but he felt something was off with it. He fell back into his trance as Ed drifted into sleep.

Ed later awoke from his snooze to a grumbling belly. He spotted Bobby still looking at his files. In fact, the grown man was on his knees in front of the coffee table and bent over so that his face was inches from the papers. Ed rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen. Nothing quite struck his fancy, so he picked up the phone. "Yo Bobby, I'm calling take out. You want anything?" When no reply came, Ed stepped into the living room. "Bobby." Bobby didn't flinch. "Bobby!" Ed shouted. Again nothing. Bobby was mumbling under his breath, Ed couldn't make out anything. Then suddenly, Bobby jumped up knocking the table and its contents on its side. He tilt his head and ran his fingers over his chin. "What is it?" Ed asked. Bobby didn't reply. He muttered a few more nonsensical sentences, then slid into his shoes. "Where you going?" Bobby still didn't answer as he grabbed his keys and took off out the door. Ed stood, confused, with the phone in his hand. He looked at the mess on the floor and then at the front door. Bobby had left it wide open.

As Ed called in for his steamed rice and broccoli in garlic sauce, he set the table upright and shut the front door. He dropped his cell phone on the counter. Just as he did, it rang. Without looking at the caller ID, he answered it. "Green."

"Hi."

He stiffened and leaned against the counter. "Hey Olivia," he said, emotionless. He could say he didn't want to talk to her and sound convincing, but he couldn't lie about the flutter in his stomach.

"I heard about everything today...I wanted to check on you."

"Yea...I wanted to call you but...well I didn't." He hoisted himself up on the counter and stared at the floor.

"That's okay. How are you?" She asked.

"Tired."

"I'm sure. Sorry to call so late, I'm still at my desk."

"Rough case?"

"Yep. And Elliott abandoned me hours ago so I'm stuck with John and Fin." Ed heard the protests from her side. She gave a small laugh.

"How are you?" Ed asked her.

"I'm good." An awkward silence followed.

"How's...what's-his-name?" Ed finally asked.

"Who? Oh, William? I wouldn't know."

"You guys split up?"

"Things just didn't work out."

"Pity."

She lowered her voice, he assumed to ward off eavesdroppers. "Okay, before this weird call lasts too long; I'm sorry Ed. Really I am. I didn't intentionally choose him over you. You and I...we had a hard time ever getting together, or talking on the phone even. We saw each other three times in a span of two months. I just...in between..." she trailed off. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Ed shrugged, even though she couldn't see him. "You didn't. We were just friends. Are, I mean."

"Ed."

"Really Liv, it's all good. I mean you were there for me when I needed a shoulder, and I guess I got attached in the emotion of it all. We tried, and it didn't work. We'll move on."

"I was kind of hoping we could try for coffee sometime this week."

He ran his fingers over his chin and sighed. "I'll have to get back to you on it. This case will likely keep me busy."

"Oh...okay," she said hesitantly. Her volume returned to normal. "Well if you and Fontana need anything this week give us a call, we all want this one solved." He could tell that she realized he was shutting her out. He felt bad, but he didn't know what else to do.

"Yep," he said. He hung up. He was hungry. Hungry and tired. As soon as his food arrived, he planned on eating it and going right to bed.

The first thing the detectives were treated to upon arriving at the 2-7, was an onslaught of media outside and an angry Lieutenant inside. She was waiting at their desks.

"What's up Lieu?" Ed asked. She sighed and handed him a piece of paper that was laminated.

"It was waiting here for us this morning. No idea on where it came from, we've already run prints on it and got nothing," she said.

Ed took the paper and read it aloud, "Ring around the rosey, pockets full of poesy. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down." He raised an eyebrow at his partner.

"And this tells us what?" Joe asked.

"That he's enjoying himself," Van Buren said. "Do you guys have anyone at all you can talk to?"

"We've got a small group with similar MO's, but nothing that's connected to all our cops," Joe said.

"Well you gotta start somewhere. I want armour under your jackets. Head out. Be careful!"

Ed and Joe spent the next couple hours all over the city in their jeans, shirts, and jackets hiding their bullet proof vests. They spoke to people involved with recent cases of the officers and detective. They spoke to old suspects. They spoke to the co-workers. They spoke to lawyers. They spoke to witnesses. Everyone. They were moving onto the fourth file when they got the news. Another shooting.

"Get in and out of there as fast as you can, and get back here. They're sending Major Case over to talk to you guys, maybe throw some thoughts back and forth. And I smell the feds heading this way," Van Buren said to Joe over the phone.

When they got to the scene, they quickly took the facts. Sergent Talia Weiss had been shot in the back of the head and killed. No one heard anything. No one saw anything.

The ride back to the house was silent. The two detectives were feeling more helpless with each shooting.

"Well he's going up the ranks, obviously," Bobby said. Ed, Joe, Bobby, Alex Eames, and Van Buren were clumped into Van Buren's office.

"Two officers, a detective, and now a sergeant. I think I'll stay in today," the Lieutenant said.

"But who is he?" Ed asked in annoyance.

"Does he hate us or was he one of us?" Alex threw out.

"Somehow he knew Weiss and Reese were valid targets for his mission," Joe said. "Since we have found no perp in connection with all four of our guys, I'd say he's an ex-cop. Especially with such a good aim."

"Or ex-military," Ed added. He noticed Bobby flinch slightly. "Hey, I don't want to think about yet another soldier or cop gone bad either. Tell me what we _should_ think."

"CSU is getting nothing on trajectory of the shots?" Alex asked.

"Not yet."

"Bullets? Casings?" She went on.

"Bullets, yes," Joe said. "We know they are from the same gun. But that gets us nowhere if we don't have the gun they came out of."

"Let's cut the attitudes," Van Buren said. "This is frustrating all of us. I want the four of you to get some coffee then shut yourselves into an interrogation room. I'll lock the observatory. Try to find some lead to take, and keep your mouths shut from here on out. Unless someone needs to know, they don't know, got it?" Everyone nodded. There was a knock at the door then two men, dressed immaculately, paraded in. Everyone knew who they were before they saw the federal badges.

"A word Lieutenant?" One demanded gruffly. She nodded then pointed to the detectives. The four left her office and went to pour themselves coffee. Bobby and Ed stood at Ed's desk.

"So what happened to you last night? You went all...Goren on me and took off," Ed said, taking a break from the hard subject.

"I had an idea that I had to check on."

"And?"

"And he awoke me at nearly 11 to share," Alex said with a roll of her eyes.

"Everything pan out?" Ed asked. Bobby nodded. "Good, then." The four picked up the boxes of files still waiting to be looked at and took them back to what then became their office for the day. They all glanced at Van Buren's office as they walked away.

"This will be interesting," Joe said under his breath. The others nodded. They all sat down and started going through the files. Before long, Van Buren came through and interrupted them.

"For now they're going to work _with_ us," she said. "Their guys will do most of the canvasing work and check the hidden files. They want us to continue what we're doing, but lay off visiting any of the crime scenes and limit going out to speak with anyone. If you get a major hit, let me know and I'll tell them." She didn't look happy. "I need aspirin." She turned and left the room.


	4. Three: Everytime We Say Goodbye

**Everytime We Say Goodbye**

"_Everytime we say goodbye boo,  
I don't want you to go.  
Everytime, we say goodbye boo,  
I don't want you to go."_

_Brian McKnight_

After two hours Joe spoke up, "Hold on here...this name seems familiar..." He started pushing files aside and looking for ones he'd already read. "Christopher Vance."

Ed looked up. "Yea...I know that name." He turned around and grabbed a box and pulled a folder from it. He flipped through and set it in front of Joe. "Chris Vance," he said. "Prime suspect in one of Weiss' old cases."

"Well this is a file of Reese's. Vance was a minor suspect two years back...but...no...I never read that file." He pointed to the one Ed had pulled out.

"Wait...Topher Vance," Alex said, as if that explained it all. The three men looked at her, not following. She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. "Come on, boys. Last year. Captain Howard Yates." She waited for someone to catch on.

Bobby finally nodded. "Right. He was dirty. Embezzlement. Murder. Harassment," he said. "He refused a deal, jury found him guilty on all counts."

Ed lit up. "And McCoy's star witness was Topher Vance!"

"Alright, alright," Joe said, "we all know the name. We know he was under suspicion at least twice, and he knew our dirty cop. What's the motive? And where did he learn to shoot?"

"And what were Mullins and Wilson's involvement? Why did he go after them?" Alex added.

"Could be he got sick of being accused of crime...maybe Yates helped in making him look bad...if I recall, Yates almost had Vance killed," Bobby said. "So he's mad at cops in general, learns to shoot to kill...starts his fun."

"His name in all these files is enough to talk to him, at least," Joe said. He stood. "Ed and I will go on our own. By now he has to know we're on the case, he doesn't know about you two. For now you should stay hidden."

"I do the work, you get the glory," Alex said sarcastically.

Ed pattered her on the head. "We'd be nowhere without you."

"Did you just pat me on the head?" She asked. He turned and left the room without answering her. Joe followed.

"Be careful!" Bobby shouted after them. Joe and Ed slipped into Van Buren's office and shared the news.

"Do we have current address on him?" She asked.

"No, but McCoy should," Ed said.

"While you're there ask him if he can start on a warrant," she said. "I'll call up my new best friends and tell them what you're doing. Please, be careful when you go see Vance. He may not be in the mood to see either of you."

"Call me when you know more, Detectives," Jack McCoy said, passing Vance's home address over. "I'll see what I can do. I don't think I'll be able to get a warrant on what you have...even for this case." He eyed Joe and Ed. "But, the second you call me I will be knocking on a judge's door. I promise you that."

"Thank you," Ed said. He took the address and followed his partner out the door.

Joe knocked on Christopher Vance's door. After the second knock, the door opened. A man in his late twenties looked out at them. "Yes?" He asked.

"Christopher Vance?" Ed asked, holding up his badge. The man nodded. "May we come in?"

"Yea, sure." He stepped aside and let the detectives in. "What can I do for ya?"

"Do we call you Chris, Christopher, or Topher?" Joe asked.

"I go by Topher now." The man made a small smile. "I was a reckless young man and got myself into a lot of trouble. I nearly got into too much trouble. I straightened myself out and got rid of 'Chris' the person I once was." He seemed over the top a bit.

"Alright, Topher. You were involved in the trial of a Howard Yates?" Joe continued.

"Yes. He tried to take me down with him, but I didn't do anything."

"Do you harbor any resentment towards him?" Ed cut in.

"Of course I do. He was a son of a bitch and he tried to screw me over. But if it wasn't for him, I'd probably still be out there doing nothing with my life."

Ed and Joe exchanged glances. "How do you feel about cops? After all, one tried to...screw you over as you say," Ed said.

"I got no problem with clean cops." Topher shrugged. "Can I ask what this is about?"

"Are you a hunter?" Joe ignored his question.

"No." He started looking nervous. "What's going on?"

"Have you watched the news today?" Joe prodded.

"Sure." He stopped. Then his eyes grew. "This about the Blue-n-White Sniper?"

"What do you know about it?" Ed asked.

"Nothin' man! No," he shook his head. "Look, I'm going back to school. I'm...no, that's not me. I've never even fired a gun!" Joe's cell phone went off and he took it in the hall.

"Blue-n-White Sniper, huh?" Ed folded his arms over his chest. "Where'd that name come from?"

"The news. They're all calling him that. I swear, I had nothing-" Joe stepped back into the room and cut Topher off.

"Mr. Vance, our sincerest apologies. Thank you for speaking with us. I'm glad you're turning this new leaf over. Keep it up okay?" Joe shook Topher's hand and led his partner out of the apartment.

"How do you know that wasn't him?" Ed asked.

"Because there's been another shooting. Not even twenty minutes ago."

"Damn, he was so good for it." Ed wasn't ready to start again with all those files. Joe was silent as they went down the stairs. "We're not supposed to go to the scene, Joe." Joe kept walking towards the door, silent. "Joe?"

Before they walked out of the building, Joe looked at Ed. "Look. It was Cragen that called me."

"Okay...why would he be calling?" Ed asked. But right away he felt it coming on. "Who?"

"I don't know. He was rambling, he didn't tell me."

Ed grabbed the keys and went to the car. "What'd he say, Joe?"

"He said..." Joe heaved a sigh and followed. "All I could make out was, 'He shot her. The son of a bitch shot one of mine. Get your asses here'."

"Where's here?" Ed asked, jumping into the drivers seat.

Joe got in the car beside him. "That coffee house down from SVU that they all go to." Ed tore out from the parking lot, burning rubber. He didn't see anything on the drive there. He was on autopilot. He couldn't even think of what he might be going to. His fear was a curtain of fog before his eyes.

By some miracle he got them to the scene accident free. He threw the car into park, and jumped out without turning it off. He couldn't see past the crowd already formed on the sidewalk. The amount of press was blinding. He wanted to break through the crowd. He had every right. He was a cop. It was his case. He just wasn't ready for reality. He'd had enough reality the year before with Misha. He couldn't-

"Come on." His partner took his elbow and pushed their way up to the scene. The body lay on the sidewalk, with a blanket over it. Ed's eyes were stuck on that blanket. He didn't want to know. He wanted to turn away and never know.

"Ed!" A strangled cry called out. He finally looked around. He saw her. Sitting on the sidewalk. Alive. He left Joe to deal with the body and went to her. She jumped up.

"Liv," he said. He threw an arm around her and brought her against his chest tightly. She was a basket case.

"We were just standing here, talking," she said against him. "How did he?...we all dressed down today...we were standing here and...and she fell against me...and she was dead." Ed let out the breath he'd been holding for twenty blocks and squeezed her shoulder. He wanted to be more of a comfort to her, but not in front of that audience. He let go of her and looked her over. She had the woman's blood on her clothes and her arms. She looked at herself then up at him. "She was talking to me...then she..."

Cragen stepped over. He had calmed. Slightly. "I filled in Fontana. We're getting out of here. You two aren't supposed to be here so be quick," he said. He looked down at his feet. "You call me the second you know anything. She...she was a great cop. And now I get to go talk to her fiance." Defeated, the Capitan stepped away.

Ed looked at Olivia. "You gonna be okay?" He asked softly. She shrugged. "Go back and stay at your desk. I don't want you outside in this. I'll be by as soon as we're done here." She nodded absently and left with Cragen. Ed closed his eyes and breathed, then went over to Joe.

"Same," Joe said. He shut his notebook and looked around at the buildings and windows. "Where the hell is this guy?" Ed shook his head, speechless. "Well CSU is getting faster and faster. They're about done. We're gonna clear out. Van Buren just called and she's up in arms over us being here...she's getting yelled at over it."

Ed ran a hand over his jaw. "We gotta go by SVU and get her case files." Joe nodded, knowing Ed had more in mind. They quickly got to their car and drove down the street, then quickly entered the building. Neither one of them cared much for being out in the open for long.

When they stepped into the squad room they were greeted with the similar silence they had gotten used to those two days. Except...their own squad hadn't been hit like this one had. Everyone was at their desks, not working, staring into the air. Ed looked at Olivia's desk first. It was empty. He met Elliott's eyes. The man pointed to Cragen's office, Ed nodded and went to the office door and knocked. Cragen opened the door.

"Detective. I'm guessing you need information?" Cragen asked. Ed nodded. Cragen eyed Olivia then looked at Ed. "Mind keeping Benson company a moment?" The Captain left and shut his office door behind him. Ed stood, unsure, by the door with his hands in his pockets.

"Joe said it was Kay Sloan," he said timidly. She glanced up and looked at him as though she just realized he was there. Then she nodded. "I'm sorry." She nodded again. He kept quiet for awhile, but then said, "I thought...he didn't say who had been shot." She met his eyes. "All I knew was a female with SVU had been shot...I thought..."

She rubbed her face in her hands. "God, I'm sorry Ed. You thought it was me?" She looked at him again. He nodded. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

"I'm just glad it wasn't." He wasn't quite sure how to voice what he was feeling. "Y'know...after Misha...I just didn't want to think I'd lost another friend." He finally moved across the room and knelt before her in the chair. "I'm glad you're okay." He wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't know why I'm like this...it's not like I haven't seen-"

He hushed her, "This is different."

The doorknob rattled and Ed stood up as Cragen walked in. "Here's Kay's recent files. I'll get you more in a few hours. I really have to go tell her family now, though. Her partner's outside if you need to talk to him, and I'll call you later with numbers of her family to talk to."

"Thank you Captain," Ed said formally.

The Captain stared at him. "Just find this guy."

"I'm trying. Believe me." He glanced at Olivia, who forced a small smile. He hated leaving, but he knew he had a job to do. He held her eyes for a moment until she nodded, silently telling him he should go. He returned the nod, then tore himself away. He walked into the squad room and found Joe talking with Sloan's partner.

"Any idea on this?" John Munch asked from his desk.

Ed looked over at him. "We thought we had one, but it wasn't him. As soon as we're done here, we're going back to look for another suspect. Until we have better physical evidence, all we can go on is..."

"Nothing?" Fin finished for him.

Ed nodded as his cell phone went off. "Green."

"I heard." It was Bobby.

"Tell me you got another name for me to check on."

"Yes. Randy Everson. I think. We're waiting on a fax from Jersey. You two coming back soon?"

"Right now."

"How are they?"

"How do you think?" Ed clapped his phone shut and grabbed Joe. "Come on, man, Goren needs us."

"Ah, see? They've got Goren working with them," Elliott said. "They'll get it."

"Randy Everson. He got pulled by Mullins and Wilson on a traffic violation, he was driving a stolen car," Goren said, as the four detectives stood in their make shift office. "They brought him in-"

"Long story short, Detective Reese got him for stealing guns and selling them. Hunting guns. Just like the one our sniper is using," Eames cut in.

"So how does he connect to the others?" Joe asked.

"He started with the ones that did him wrong, and kept going," Bobby suggested.

"That doesn't explain how he knew the past few were cops," Ed argued.

"We haven't found anyone else," an aggravated Eames spat back.

"No, it's fine. We'll check him out," Joe said.

"No good." Van Buren walked up. "He's locked up," she said. Everyone groaned.

The air changed as the two feds marched in again. "You're done," said one, Ashboro.

"What happened?" Ed asked.

"You broke the rules. We said you weren't to go by the crime scene."

"I'm sorry Teacher, do I get the dunce hat?" Joe asked scornfully.

The other man, Harrison, glared at Joe. "Detective, it is very dangerous for you out there today. We're just trying to keep you alive," Harrison snapped. "Besides, we found this." He held up a plastic bag with another note in it.

Everyone read it._ "Are we having fun trying to keep up, Fontana? It was a tough choice, Green. Eenie meenie miny moe, which pretty cop will go?"_ Ed and Joe both began to fume with anger.

"That's why," Ashboro said. "From here on out, we're handling this. The four of you can continue your reading and let us know what you find. No more visiting suspects. You two don't leave this building unless you're going home." That part had been directed to Ed and Joe. "And when you do go home, you get an escort. Got it?"

"You can't-," Ed started, but Van Buren set a hand on his arm to stop him.

"Thank you, Sir," she said to them. "We'll all be here if you need us." The two agents made a quick exit, leaving the four detectives and Lieutenant standing quietly. "Sorry guys. We gotta play this right." She turned and left the room.

"Do we get to know if they have a lead?" Eames asked, already knowing the answer was no.

"This feels so random...but can it be?" Goren mused quietly to himself.

"Random?" Ed let out a sarcastic laugh. "He just played eenie meenie miny moe on which detective to kill! He's trying to get under our skin!"

Bobby glanced at Ed. He was the only one in the room that knew about the history with Olivia. Joe only had assumptions. "Ed..." Bobby said. Ed shook his head sharply, not wanting to hear it.

"So maybe we should be checking your old cases instead," Eames said. "Maybe you two pissed someone off."

"Just what I want...more files to read," Joe grumbled.

"Can you think of anyone right off hand who might be angry with you?" Bobby asked. Ed and Joe looked at each other, then at Bobby. He nodded. "Right. Well...might as well bring the files in. We'll get fresh coffee." When Bobby and Alex left the room, Ed pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

"I'll be back," he said. He found a quiet corner of the squad and dialed Olivia.

"Benson," her voice was tired and drained.

"How you feeling?" He asked gently.

"Okay...I guess. Cragen sent me to the ER to get checked over, but I'm fine. I told him I was fine."

"You taking a day?"

"They wanted me to, but...I'm not the only one in shock over this...I don't want special treatment."

"Yea but you were the only one there."

"I'm not some vic, Ed. I'm a cop. I can handle this, I wish everyone would get that."

He sighed, "And like I said earlier. This is different. No one will see you as weak if you-"

"I just feel better being here around familiar faces. I'm working the desk today, anyway."

"Don't push yourself, Liv."

"I won't."

He felt obligated to tell her about the letter, but he didn't want to scare her or upset her further. Maybe he'd tell her...but not yet. "Call me if you need to," he said instead.

"Thanks, Ed. You being there...I needed that." She hung up.

Ed took a moment to close his eyes and breathe, before getting back to the others. Despite what had- or hadn't as the case was- happened between them, he couldn't deny that he still liked her. Very much.

* * *

_AN: Sorry for the delay, friends. The editing is going slow due to mud in real life. Bare with please! And remember, if you're liking it, comments/reviews are much appriciated...if you're not...tell me why not :P_


	5. Four: Wreck Of The Day

**Wreck Of The Day**

"_Driving away from the wreck of the day,  
and the light's always red in the rear-view.  
Desperately close to a coffin of hope,  
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you."_ _Anna Nalick_

The four detectives tiredly walked to the door. The precinct was dark, as it was nearly 11pm and they were the only ones there. Three agents were standing by the elevators. Different guys than before. Bobby handed one of them a folder and a list of names.

"No one jumped out at us particularly, but it's a start," Joe said.

"I'm Edgers, this is Cann and Anderson. We're supposed to take you all home."

"We've got cars here," Eames said, barely able to keep her eyes open.

"We're picking you up in the morning as well," Cann said.

"And if we have to go somewhere in the middle of the night?" Ed asked.

"You won't be."

"So we're being locked away in our homes?" Joe asked. Then he held up a hand. "Know what? I don't care. I just want to go to bed." Everyone, unhappily, walked out with the agents. Three sleek black SUV's were lined up out back. Joe got in one with Edgers, Alex got in another with Anderson, and Ed and Bobby went with Cann. "Night guys," Ed said to the others.

"Night Ed, see ya in the morning. Night Bobby," Alex said. Joe said nothing. He was practically asleep.

"Mind if we make one stop?" Ed asked Cann.

"No can do. I'm to take you directly home," the man said, pulling into the street.

"Don't make me beg. Either you take me or I'll go out once you drop us off."

"Fine, fine. But make it quick. Where we going?"

"Take a right up here, and about four blocks down on the left is a graveyard. I just need five minutes." Cann didn't reply, but took the right. "You don't mind?" Ed asked Bobby.

"No."

When they pulled into the parking lot, Ed climbed from the SUV. Cann followed him at a short distance as he walked up to a familiar grave. He crouched down and pulled stray leaves from the gravestone. He glanced over his shoulder. Cann was standing by a tree several feet back. He returned his eyes to the gravestone.

"Sorry, I didn't want to bring him," Ed said softly. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hand for a moment. "This is all insane, Misha. I don't like that I have to be scared of walking down the street." He opened his eyes. "I just needed to see you...I can't believe it's almost been a year..." He sat quietly for awhile, then rose to his feet. "Miss you, girl." He cleared his throat to compose himself, and walked back to the SUV with Cann at his heel. "Thanks," he said to Bobby and the agent.

Ed came out of his room after changing into sweats and grabbed a beer from the kitchen. "I don't know this case, B...I just don't know."

"We'll find something. We have to," Bobby said, opening a bag of pretzels. He set it on the coffee table and the two sat and tried to unwind from their day.

"We've wasted two days on these files."

"We're doing our part, Ed. The feds are doing their part. I know you want to be out there looking for this guy, but we gotta follow orders this time. You want to be thrown from the case?"

"It would beat losing more good cops."

"And it may get you killed."

"I can't talk about this anymore." He flipped on the TV.

"Hey, is that one cartoon on? With the little talking baby?"

"_Family Guy_?" Ed asked.

"That's the one. I like that one," Bobby said.

Ed let himself laugh. "Then by all means, let's watch _Family Guy_." The two were laughing at a very crude scene when there was a knock on the front door. Ed slowly rose to his feet and went to the door, grabbing his gun on the way. Bobby was behind him, his gun drawn as well. Ed checked the peephole. He sighed with relief when he saw Olivia. He let his gun fall to his side and opened the door. "Hey."

She looked at him, then at his gun, then at Bobby standing behind him. "Hi. I didn't mean to scare you guys. Sorry to just drop by like this but...sitting home alone isn't quite working for me right now," she said. He nodded and stepped back. Bobby went back to the living room, to give them a minute.

"It's cool. Come in. Having federal agents escort you home gets your nerves wound up." He rolled his eyes. "We were just relaxing a bit," he said, pointing to the living room where Bobby was back to the show and laughing loudly.

Olivia raised her eyes. "Sounds like fun."

"It is." He shut the door behind her. "I finally found one mind-numbing show he will watch without tearing it apart." They stepped into the living room and Bobby looked up. His smile went away quickly.

"Good evening Detective Benson. Sorry for the way we greeted you," he said.

"Olivia," she corrected. "And it's fine. You two need to be careful."

"Right. Olivia. How are you?"

"Better."

"Good. I'm very sorry about your friend."

"Thank you."

"Well Olivia, come sit down. We're watching this crazy cartoon." He moved to one side of the couch to make room for her. She sat and he continued talking. "It's about a family, see that's the mom and the dad...and that little dog Brian can talk. He's a real character, too. And...wait, here comes Stewie! Now he looks like a cute baby, but he talks. I can't decide if he's like Garfield, and no one can hear him, or if they all can hear him but sometimes ignore him. He's very diabolical and crass, and for some reasons speaks with an accent..." Ed let Bobby continue in educating Olivia on _Family Gu_y. For one, it was entertaining but it also kept her mind off of everything.

Ed could barely keep his eyes open. Bobby had gone to bed and Olivia was stretched out on the couch. He glanced over at her. She was asleep. He pulled himself off of his chair and grabbed his quilt from his bed. He brought it to the living room and placed it over her. She stirred and opened her eyes. He crouched down eye level to her as she started to sit up.

"Go to sleep," he said in a low voice. "Crash here tonight." She nodded and lay back down, looking at him. He reached out to touch her face, but his hand hesitated in the air. He sighed and swept his hair instead.

"Thanks, Ed," she whispered.

"I'm glad you're safe."

"Yea, so am I."

"Sleep tight, Liv." He rose and went to his room. As he lay down in his bed he glanced up at the ceiling. "Anytime you wanna send some help, Mish..." He rolled over and fell into a deep exhausted sleep.

Ed awoke the next morning to his bed shifting beside him. He opened his eyes slowly, and as his world came into focus he saw Olivia sitting on the side of his bed with a cup of coffee. He closed his eyes.

"Mmm. Smells good," he said in a sleep-filled voice.

"It's my way of thanking you," she said.

"For what?" He pulled himself into a sitting position and opened his eyes again. She handed him the coffee.

"For letting me sleep here last night...for being worried about me yesterday."

"No thanks needed for either." He sipped at the coffee.

"I screwed up, Ed."

"Screwed up what?"

"Us. We were having such a hard time starting off, and I just gave up. The truth is...I've been regretting it for months, and wishing I could get a redo." He watched her, silently. "I keep thinking about the day on the courthouse steps...and everything that didn't happen after it...I guess I just need to know if you meant what you said yesterday? About just being worked up over Misha?"

"No," he said slowly. "It wasn't just Misha."

"So...so what's the chance of us trying to get things back on track?" She asked.

"That depends."

"On what?"

He leaned over and kissed her. "I don't know...just didn't want to sound too willing."

She laughed and gave him a soft shove. "You wanna spend more time with me, Ed?"

"Yes."

"Good...but...I'd still like to keep this quiet for now," she said.

"That's fine...I think certain people are suspicious, but...it's fine."

"And Goren?"

"I never really said anything to him, but he has a good idea...he won't say anything to anyone, if that's what you're worried about." He drank more of his coffee. "Really you should more be worried about the federal agent that will be here in an hour to collect me and Bobby."

"Right. I'll leave. Sorry about the babysitters."

"It's not so bad. I mean, they're keeping me alive, right? I don't know that I want you leaving here alone, though."

"I got here fine on my own."

"I know. But I'm still worried. Humor me." They both sat for a moment, thinking. "Your car here?" He asked. She nodded. "Okay. I'll get Bobby and the two of us will walk you to your car."

"Okay."

Ed got out of bed and went to Bobby's door. He knocked.

"What?" Bobby's sleeping voice called.

"There's a cup of great coffee out here with your name on it."

"What do I have to do for it?"

"Help me walk Olivia to her car so she can get out of here."

"Give me five minutes."

Ed moved on to the kitchen where Olivia was. She had her own coffee in her hands and a spare cup was on the counter. "Oh good, you made some for him. I don't have to give up mine." He stepped up to her and set his hands on her hips and smiled down at her.

"You've got morning breath," she commented.

"Not all of us wake up perfect," he said with a smile.

"True...I for one borrowed your toothpaste."

"And your toothbrush...?" She held up an index finger. "Ah, I see. Well fine then, I'll be right back." He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. When he returned, he kissed her. "Better?"

"Much, but I was only picking on you." They pulled apart as they heard Bobby's heavy footsteps coming down the hall.

"Morning," he said to them. His eyes glanced from Ed to Olivia and he smiled. He said nothing about it. "Ready?"

Olivia looked the guys over. They were both barefoot in their worn pajama's with thick stubble on their faces. "My hero's," she said dryly.

Ed later stood in front of the television as he ate a bowl of cereal. The shootings were all over the local and national newscasts.

_"...and there has yet to be a formal statement on behalf of the NYPD or any of the victims families. It can only leave us wondering what is going on in New York City and who isn't doing their job!" _Some old guy was yelling. To his left sat a younger, agitated woman.

_"There's no way the NYPD is sitting around watching this happen. Just because they aren't talking to us, doesn't mean they aren't doing their jobs."_

_"Well I, for one, would like to know how they're coming with it and how worried the American people need to be!" _

Ed rolled his eyes and turned the television off. "Can you believe these morons?" He yelled to Bobby, who was in the kitchen.

"They're scared."

"So am I." He went into the kitchen and rinsed out his bowl and put it in the dishwasher. "I'm sick of these news persona's who think they know how I should be doing my job." There came a knock at the door. Bobby went to the door and pulled it open.

"Agent Cann," he said politely.

"You two ready?" Cann asked. He led the detectives to the SUV, and took the street.

"So anything you want to share with us, yet?" Ed asked. The agent said nothing. "Come on, we're in on this too."

"No you're not. You're giving us a hand. You'll know what you need to know, and that's all I'm allowed to say."

Ed and Joe stood in Van Buren's office quietly. Bobby and Eames came in.

"Deakins said everything's smooth over there," Alex said. "He wants us to stay here as long as we're needed."

"We appreciate it," Van Buren said. "Shut the door, Fontana." Joe did as he was told. "There will be a press conference within the next hour. No mention of the letters will be made. No mention of you four, by name, will be made. They're hoping to scare our guy a bit and reassure the city."

"Did we receive any more notes?" Bobby asked.

"No."

"Did the big boys say anything about the names we gave them last night?" Joe asked.

"No."

"Then what do they want us doing today?"

"I'm not sure, Ed. I am going to assume we'll have another visit sometime after the press conference," Van Buren answered.

Sure enough, as soon as the press conference was over, Harrison and Ashboro waltzed into the squad room. They spoke quietly with Van Buren, then left. She signaled the detectives over to her office.

"Okay. Goren and Eames, I guess you two can head back to Deakins. Green and Fontana, give me a minute and I'll have something for you to work on."

"What about the sniper case?" Joe asked.

"It's out of our hands now. We're done with it." She didn't sound happy.

"Wonderful," Ed said in sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, Ed. It's for the best, though. No one wants you two in the line of fire."

"Except the sniper. If he wants me dead, then I want to be the one cuffing him," Joe snarled.

"For now, we're not involved. When they catch the guy things may change. Until then, your friends out there are sticking around." They all turned and saw the three agents from the night before standing together. "Have one of them follow your car," she said to Goren and Eames. They nodded, and left the office. She looked at Ed and Joe. "Why don't you boys take a small break? Ride along to drop them off, say hi to Mike Logan for me, then come back. Just be careful."

"Even a trip to Major Case is a blessing right now," Joe said with a smile. He and Ed walked to the group by the door and shared the news.

"Fine," Cann said. "But no other stops, and be quick." Anderson rolled his eyes. Obviously babysitting cops wasn't what he wanted to be doing.

After a nice visit with some familiar faces, Ed and Joe hung out in the lobby as they waited for a clear jump to the car. Alex and Bobby stopped on their way out.

"We've got a case, already," Alex said.

"Good luck. Thanks for all the help the past couple days," Ed said.

"I'm sorry we didn't get anything figured out," Bobby replied.

Ed patted his shoulder. "It's alright, B. We just gotta have faith in the feds." No one answered that. "You're just lucky you don't have to deal with them all day." Ed shot a look out the door where Anderson was waiting to walk Bobby and Alex to their car. Outside, the other two agents were pulling their cars up to the curb.

"Bye," Bobby said. He and Alex waved and walked out the door, with Anderson close behind. They watched as Anderson stumbled down the sidewalk, tripping over his own foot.

"Faith in the feds, huh?" Joe asked. Ed gave a small laugh.

Then a loud, terrifying pop went off...


	6. Five: Breakable

**Breakable**

"_Why are you surprised to see, he's breakable?"_

_Fisher_

The sound of the gunshot sent both men into silence as they whipped their gazes to the door. Screams filtered in from outside. They both bolted out the door, forgetting the danger. A crowd was forming at the corner and people were running away, or some standing still.

"Get inside!" Cann yelled at Joe and Ed, as Edgers screamed into his phone and ran to the corner. Ed and Joe didn't listen. They took off down the street. They barely noticed the other officers flooding out of the building and running behind them. As they approached, Ed was able to see through the legs of the crowd. Eames on the ground. Her hands were covered in blood and holding tight against Bobby's chest. Bobby was spread out on the pavement, his eyes barely open. Ed fell to his knees at his friends side.

"Bobby!" Ed glanced at Alex. Her mouth was opening and closing, unable to form words. Bobby was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a jean jacket over it. Ed placed his hand over both of Alex's and held them up for a moment. He pulled the jacket aside, then pushed her hands back onto Bobby's chest. He looked around quickly. He saw the SUV Bobby and Alex had been fixing to get into. "Joe!" He shouted.

Bobby was mumbling in a strained voice. "Are?...are...got to...it's are...flashing Alex...are flash?"

"Hold on, Bobby," Alex said gently, the pain in his voice terrifying her even more.

Joe turned and nodded to his partner, reading his mind. "I got it! Go!"

"Gimie a hand!" Ed looked down at Bobby and patted his face. "Come on, Bobby. Stay awake." As quickly as they could, Ed and Joe slid their hands under Bobby. Mike Logan appeared and jumped right in to help, along with a couple others. They heaved Goren into the back of the SUV, while Alex kept pressure on his chest. "Get in Alex!" Ed shouted. "Where are the keys?!" He turned around and saw the keys on the ground, in a pool of blood. He grabbed them, ignoring the blood, and ran to the drivers side.

"Where the hell you going?!" Cann shouted. "The ambulance-"

"_You_ wait for them!" Ed yelled back. He jumped into the car and swerved into traffic. He switched on the lights and siren. "Hold onto him, Alex."

Bobby was still speaking incoherently. "Just are...n-no...are...are...mmm...tired..." His eyes were fluttering.

"No Bobby, stay awake!" Ed yelled, as his cell phone started going off. He ignored it. He rolled down his window and started waving his arm and yelling at the cars that wouldn't get out of his way fast enough. Every other second he glanced in the rear view mirror at Bobby. "Come on, Bobby!"

"Wake up, Bobby! Keep your eyes open!" Alex shouted at her partner. Every time Ed's cell phone stopped ringing, it would start again. "He's not talking, Ed!" Called Alex from the back. "Get there, now!"

"I'm trying!" He growled. He looked in the mirror again. Bobby was out cold.

Before long, he pulled in front of the ER. Several nurses and doctors were waiting outside with a gurney when he pulled to a stop. He jumped out and helped them load Bobby onto the gurney, and he and Alex followed them inside.

One of the doctors held up a hand. "We got 'em Detectives. Just hold tight."

Eames fell into a nearby chair and dropped her head into her hands. Ed took a moment to breathe, then sat beside her. "He'll be fine." He assured her, not feeling reassured at all. His cell was still ringing. He grabbed it. "Yea."

"Everyone's losing it," came Joe's voice. "They're pissed that you all took off like that, pissed that you're not answering your cell...he okay?"

"I don't know. They just took him from us. I don't think he was conscious when we got here."

"Well Deakins is on his way there, along with that nitwit Edgers. They threw me inside the 1PP and I'm their prisoner for the time being."

"I'm sorry for bailing."

"No. No you did the right thing. I'm good here."

"I'll call when I know something." Ed hung up. Just as he did, Deakins came running in.

"Eames! Green! How is he?"

"Don't know Captain," Alex spoke up.

The Captain looked down at her and set a hand on her shoulder. "You okay? You get hit?"

"No. No it was just Bobby."

"We should have caught this son of a bitch already!" Ed's voice rose as he stood.

Deakins stepped forward and looked Ed in the eyes, "Listen to me, Green. Right now, we worry about Goren. The sniper will be caught. No one else is going to die."

"You don't know that."

"You're right...I don't," Deakins agreed. He looked at the two detectives. "You two need to clean up." They both looked at themselves and realized they were covered in Bobby's blood. Ed nodded. He wanted to scrub the blood off as fast as he could. "Nurse, do you have some spare scrubs for these detectives?" Deakins asked at the desk. The nurse took Ed and Alex into a locker room and handed them both scrubs. Alex went behind a row of lockers and they both quickly changed, then stood at the sinks and scrubbed their arms and hands and faces. Ed looked at his friend's partner through the mirror.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Scared as hell."

"Me too."

Ed, Alex and Deakins sat in a row of chairs. "No one else is allowed out here," Deakins said. "They don't want a shooting pool for our guy. You two can stay, for now."

"I'm not going anywhere," Eames said.

"Me either," Ed agreed.

"Not yet," a voice said. They all looked up and saw Edgers standing before them.

"Edgers," Deakins said politely with a nod.

"Hello Capitan," Edgers returned. He looked at Ed. "I gotta get you out of here."

"Like hell," was Ed's answer.

"Detective...it's my job to make sure that you-"

"Your job?!" Ed was on his feet and in Edgers face. "If you assholes had done your job, a good cop would not have been shot just now! Your buddy was with them! He was with them and Bobby still got shot!" Edgers took a step forward and glared at Ed, who was at least five inches taller. Deakins stood up. "Guys, stop. Sit down Green."

Edgers was bright red in the face. "Stand down, _Detective_."

"Don't talk down to me like that! You're nothing but a damn bodyguard!" Ed stepped even closer to the agent.

"I can have your job, asshole! Who do you think you're talking to?!"

"A little man that I can whoop-"

"Ed! Stop!" Alex jumped up and pushed herself between the two men.

Deakins took Ed's arm and pulled him several feet away, Alex followed. "Sit." Deakins said. Ed sat. "Stay." Ed stayed. Deakins turned and went back to Edgers.

Alex sat down next to Ed. "I'm with you, Green...but...just breathe, okay?" She said.

"I'm good...I'm just gonna make a call." He took his phone to the other side of the waiting room and called Olivia.

"Benson," she answered.

"Tell me to cool down."

"Cool down. I heard what happened. Is he okay?"

"I don't know. Last I saw him he was alive...but they haven't told us anything yet."

"So why do you need to cool down? Other than the obvious."

"Cause I nearly decked a federal agent."

"Not wise, Ed."

"I know."

"You're stressed. He can understand it."

"We'll see." He glanced up and saw a doctor approaching Eames. "Oh, they've got something. Let me go."

"Call me when you know."

"I will." He closed his phone and walked over to the doctor. Deakins and Edgers met him there.

"I'm Dr. Westmoreland," the man said. "I'm sorry we haven't been out here, yet."

"Just tell us how he is, Doc," Deakins said.

"The bullet nicked his heart and wedged itself into a very sensitive area near his spine. We've stopped the bleeding and repaired the damage to his heart. Right now I have my best surgeon prepping to remove the bullet. He's very lucky that the bullet didn't harm his lungs."

"His spine...that...that can't be good," Alex stated.

"I'll be honest, it's a very risky area that we're working on, and his transport here probably did not help his chances. We won't know anything until he wakes up."

"But he's gonna make it?" Ed asked.

"As of now, he's stable. Once we start getting that bullet out anything can happen. But as I said, I have my best in there."

"You have one of our best in there, too," Deakins replied.


	7. Six: Thunderstruck

**Thunderstruck**

"_Sound of the drums...  
Beatin' in my heart!  
The thunder of guns, yeah...  
Tore me apart!" _

_AC/DC_

"Okay," Deakins said. "Let me make some calls." He walked off, as did Edgers.

Ed turned to Alex. "You need coffee or anything?" She shook her head, though not paying much attention. "What is it?" He asked.

She looked at him, then down at her feet. "I heard that gunshot and...it scared the hell out of me. As soon as I realized I was fine, and reached for my gun..." her eyes shut. "The first thought that crossed my mind was, 'Thank God it wasn't me'." She opened her eyes and looked up at Ed. "What kind of person thinks that? Bobby was bleeding on the pavement and...my first thought wasn't 'my partner...my _friend_, was shot.' It was 'it wasn't me'."

Ed looked down at Alex. She was so angry and disappointed with herself...he knew how it felt. He had a flash image of her standing before him after Misha's death, helping him confront his feelings. He reached out and gripped her shoulder tightly.

"It's okay. It's human to react like that. It was a millisecond of thought, but then you were down on the ground helping him. There wasn't even a minute between the shot firing and me getting to the corner, and you were already helping him. He's lucky that you have his back." He gave her a small smile. "Got it?"

She managed a weak smile. "Got it. Don't beat me up." He laughed and gave her a small nudge.

Deakins came back over and said, "Edgers and I are taking Green back to the 1PP." He glanced at Ed. "Van Buren's anxious to talk to you. Alex, I want you here until Bobby gets out of surgery. You call me the moment you hear something," he said to her. "I'm having Barek come down to keep you company."

When Ed walked into the squad room of Major Case, he spotted his partner and Mike Logan. He went over and found Joe harassing Mike. "Sick of him, yet?" He asked.

They both looked up. "Ed!" Joe said. "What's the news?"

"He's in surgery still," Ed explained what the doctor had said. Deakins joined in the conversation.

"So they can't say for sure if he's paralyzed or not?" Joe asked.

"Not yet," Deakins answered.

"That's such bullshit," Mike rolled his eyes.

"I don't know, Logan," Ed said. "I'm not a doctor. I'm just relieved he's not dead."

"We all are," Deakins put in.

"Any new ideas on our gunman?" Ed asked.

"Nothing. Haven't heard squat from the feds. Luckily, there hasn't been another shooting," Mike said.

"I've been running over people in my head and trying to figure out who might be after us," Joe said. "Other than maybe Paul Johnson, I don't know who could have it in for either one of us. No more than usual that is."

"Yea well Johnson is where he belongs," Ed grumbled. No one objected.

"I still don't understand how Goren got out of it alive," Mike pointed out.

"Yea our guy shot the one person who might actually have figured it out," Joe agreed. They all sat quietly, letting the thought sink in.

"What if..." Ed hesitated. "What if we're off again? Think about it...he killed the first four cops he shot. Then he shoots Bobby...but unlike the others, he doesn't shoot Bobby in the back of the head. We've figured this guy knows how to shoot. So, maybe, he didn't want to kill Bobby. Maybe, he wanted to torture Bobby..."

"Maybe Bobby was the target this whole time," Deakins finished. The idea didn't please him at all.

"So why the interest in us?" Joe asked.

"To toy with us," Ed guessed.

"This guy probably figured Major Case would get involved," Deakins added. "He must have figured the more cops he killed, and the more he teased the city...at some point we'd step in to help. And he had a great probability that I'd send Goren and Eames."

"So who wants to give Bobby a hard time?" Ed asked.

"Uhm...that would be anyone he's ever spoken to?" Logan threw in.

"Shut up," Deakins told him, in no mood for jokes. "Pull out their old files."

At that moment, Van Buren stalked into the room. She walked up and slapped Ed upside the head. "I need to talk to you." Ed held his head and looked up.

"Use my office," Deakins offered, staying out of the way.

Van Buren slammed the office door shut and crossed her arms at Ed. "I am sick of trying to save your damn job! What the hell were you pulling at the hospital?!" He opened his mouth to answer, but she held up a finger. "Last year when you flipped out, I pleaded for you. Granted, I take a part of that blame because you should have been home and Johnson never should have been paraded in front of you...but you were _lucky _you only got a months leave with required Skoda visits." He opened his mouth again, but she went on. "And today you are _damn lucky _that Agent Edgers isn't reporting you! You will not be lucky next time, Green. Don't you get it?! One of these days you will not be lucky! I don't want to see you losing your job, or getting the boot like Logan did. Now...if you can't learn to control yourself I will make you start back with Skoda. You gotta try Ed, because the next time you loose your cool I may not bail you out. Got it?" He nodded silently. "Good. Now go back out there and get back to finding our guy. The day's about over and I want something to give the agents before we go home."

He started to leave, but paused. "Thank you for everything, Lieu. This whole year."

Ed and Van Buren joined the others as Agents Harrison and Ashboro walked in. They greeted everyone then got down to business.

"We haven't found much of anything," Harrison admitted. "We're still working on some leads."

"Like?" Joe asked. He wasn't answered.

"We'd like you all to continue your work for the last few hours of the day, then go home. Cann, Edgers, and Anderson will be here at 7pm to get Green and Fontana safely home. We'll get Detective Eames home safe as well."

"No," Ed shook his head. "I'm going to the hospital after we're done here."

"We'll see," Ashboro said. "We visited your apartment earlier and it's safe."

Ed was surprised over that. "I'm glad it's safe, but we can all agree I'd be safer in the hospital over night than in my apartment where no one can hear my screams." Mike and Joe stifled laughs.

"Like I said. We'll see." The agents walked off with Deakins and Van Buren.

"This day will never end," Ed shook his head.

"Maybe they'll take you home to change." Joe gestured at his scrubs.

"Nah, we can probably find you something in the lockers." Mike shrugged and stood up. "Deakins had us break into Eames' locker and send her clean clothes with Barek."

"Okay," Ed agreed.

"By the way, how is Alex?" Joe asked.

"Holding up. The best she can." He went with Mike to find some real clothes to put on.

As soon as Ed was changed, Deakins approached him. "Carolyn just called. Bobby's out of surgery. You're coming back with me, but give me a few more minutes with the others okay?"

Ed nodded, just glad to be able to return to the hospital. He stood in his place by the wide windows and Mike and Joe walked up to him.

"Y'know I'm just surprised Bobby wasn't trying to solve the case as he lay on the pavement." Logan said. His tone was more admiring than sarcastic.

Ed let out a little snort. "I wish. No...he was just mumbling incoher-" He stopped suddenly and everyone watched as his brain started turning.

"See...now this is what you get for being roommates with Bobby Goren...you start turning into him," Joe teased.

"It's just...when does Bobby ever mumble nonsense?"

"Every moment of every day," Logan answered.

"Right...but...it still has a meaning."

"Yea..." Logan said.

Ed stared out the window and looked down. He had a pretty good view of the corner where Bobby had been shot. He looked around at the buildings across the street, up the street, and everything in between. Something caught his eye as he thought over the scene on the side of the road after the shooting.

"What it is?" Joe asked him.

"Check out that building. Up the block halfway, behind that front building." Ed said. Everyone looked. A rundown building stuck up behind a nice apartment building. "Notice anything about it?"

"It's ugly." Joe said.

"The graffiti."

"What about it?"

"The word Pride. Joe, man, you were there. Didn't you hear Bobby?"

"I don't remember what he was saying, though."

"He was saying something about 'are, are, are.' and something about 'flashing'. I thought he was saying a-r-e...but what if he was saying the letter R? There is a window above the R in pride, and a window below. Now...at the right time of day, if something was sticking out of that window...say...a gun?..."

"It might catch a glare from the sun," Mike said. "How the hell did you do that?" The three went over to their superiors right away.

* * *

_hint: i heart comments ;) _


	8. Seven: Don't Point, Don't Scare It

_AN: Just wanted to take this point to remind everyone of the fact that I'm not a doctor. It's a story. You'll just hafta go with it for the next several chapters.  
_

* * *

**Don't Point, Don't Scare It**

"_We sneak into the trees,__we hide beneath the leaves,__  
and nobody will find us here. Oh we dance across the lake,__  
we laugh into the wind,__and nobody will find us out."_

_Butterfly Boucher_

While Ed and Deakins returned to the hospital, Harrison and Ashboro left to check into Ed's guess. "I hope we finally have a lead," Deakins said. Ed nodded.

When they got to the hospital, Eames and Barek were sitting in the waiting room. "They haven't said anything to us yet, other than to tell us surgery was over," Alex said.

"At least we can assume he's still alive and kicking." Ed tried to stay positive.

"Figure anything new out?" Barek asked.

Ed nodded. "Yea. There's a chance Bobby saw something before he was shot and none of us understood what he was trying to tell us. There's a building that the feds are looking into."

"Good," she said.

"Carolyn, why don't you head home?" Deakins suggested. "Both Fontana and Logan were sent home."

"I will. After we hear about Bobby."

The doc walked out and they all rose to greet him. "Detective Goren-Bobby, is out of surgery. He's stable, but still unconscious. He lost quite a bit of blood, and his heart tried to give out on us. He gave us a real scare for a moment, but he's just fine now. He's still on a respirator and we have to keep a close eye on him. I am very concerned about his lungs at this point. The bullet did not pierce them, but they were damaged. We need to watch that they don't collapse."

"Okay," Alex threw up her hands. "But what about his spine? Is he paralyzed?"

The doctor sighed and rocked a but on his heels. "I honestly cannot answer that at this point. He needs to begin healing, and he needs to wake up. We can do sensory testing on his reflexes, but Bobby's the only one that can really tell us. I can tell you the nerve damage was not minor."

"When do you think he'll wake up?" Ed asked.

"I can't put an answer on that, either. My guess would be a day or two. He's not in a critical coma by any means, his body is just refueling. When he does wake he will be in pain, and if he's unable to move he'll be scared. I'm disregarding visitor hours for this case because he'll need a familiar face when he comes to. I am not telling you to have someone here 24/7, but if you choose to you may. I need to help get him set up in his ICU room, excuse me please."

"Thank you, Doctor," Deakins said. The doctor smiled and left. "Good news for now," he said to the detectives.

"I'll stay tonight," Ed offered.

Alex shook her head. "No, he's my partner. I'll stay."

"For now Alex, go home and get some food and rest," Deakins told her gently. "You've been here all afternoon. You need a break."

"Come on, I'll take you home," Barek said.

"Agent Cann is downstairs, he'll escort you both," Deakins said. Barek nodded and guided Alex out. Deakins turned to Ed. "I'll hang out with you until one of the agents is ready to sit all night."

"Thank you Captain," Ed said. He excused himself to make a phone call.

"Benson."

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she replied. "I've been waiting for you to call."

"I'm sorry, everything's been crazy."

"It's okay. Tell me." He took a breath and told her everything that had happened since they last spoke. "So it's hopeful," she said when he finished.

"Yes. It's also...well it's fifty-fifty."

"Can I drop by?"

"You really want to spend your dinnertime stuck in a hospital? Not the best first date, Olivia," he said.

"It wouldn't be the first date," she reminded him.

"Then what do we call it?"

"I don't even know. We'll figure it out while we eat."

"Okay," he agreed. "See you in a bit."

Later on, Deakins had left and Agent Anderson was taking the first shift of guarding Ed. Anderson was seated outside Bobby's hospital room, Ed inside. He was watching TV, on mute, when a voice came through the door.

"Aw, Bobby," it said sadly. He looked up and saw Olivia in the doorway. She walked over to Bobby and set a hand on his arm.

"Still no change," Ed told her. She looked over at him. "He looks better than he did before the surgery."

"Obviously," she replied. It bothered her to see Bobby like that. Since spending more time with Ed, and Misha's case, she'd begun getting to know Bobby. He wasn't as crazy as she'd once thought he was. She went over to Ed and looked down at him. As he was sitting, he was shorter than her for once. She touched his cheek, her face hovering above his and her hair hitting his skin. "You okay?"

He closed his eyes and breathed. Something about her presence calmed him. The feel of her touch, her hair...and her scent... "I don't know," he replied.

She kissed his forehead. "We're all alive."

"For how long?" She kissed his forehead again, and he moved his face so that their lips met. It felt like that morning had been ages ago. After his day, he savored the kiss. When they parted, he pushed her hair behind her ears. "Let's go out to the waiting room so Bobby can sleep peacefully."

"You think he can hear us?" She straightened and looked over at the bed.

"I wouldn't put it past ol' Iggy." Somehow Bobby's already nickname, Iron Giant, had gotten it's own nickname. The two walked out into the much brighter hallway and went down to the waiting room, first stopping at the snack machine for dinner.

"If I had thought about it, I'd have brought you real food. You must be starved."

Ed stared at the food behind the glass. He realized he hadn't eaten since breakfast. "Actually...I am. Let's get Anderson to follow us to the cafeteria."

They went and had a short dinner in the cafeteria, then wound up back in the waiting room, chatting in the awkward chairs. He closed his hand on hers over the arm rest between them. "I'm glad you're here," he said.

"Me too." She turned her hand up and wove her fingers through his tightly.

"I'm just sorry the circumstances are never-."

"It doesn't matter." She smiled. "We'll catch up."

"So maybe when everything has calmed, I'll take you out for a real date. No pizza and beer. No graveyards or hospitals."

"Yeah, I wasn't gonna mention it, but you plan some lousy dates," she teased. He smiled at her, then got quiet. "He'll be fine, Ed."

"I hope so." She reached out for his cheek and brought his mouth to hers and kissed him. He returned the kiss, turning his body to her and moving his hand to the back of her neck. Neither one a normal supporter of public displays of affection, they were completely oblivious to anyone around them.

When he pulled away, breathless, he ran his lips across her cheek and whispered to her ear, "We have _a lot_ to catch up on."

"And you think this is the best place?" She whispered against his neck. He raised his eyes and saw people staring. He dropped his head onto her shoulder and they laughed.

"Okay, we'll pick it up later." They went back to their earlier positions in the chairs and sat quiet for a long time. Ed couldn't concentrate much past her hand enclosed in his, and it was a welcome distraction. "How about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm tired," she sighed. "It's been such a long couple days that it feels like Kay was killed...so long ago."

Ed squeezed her hand. "I understand."

"I keep hearing that sound...and seeing her face..."

"I'm so sorry, Liv...that your friend died...that you had to be there...but I'm just..._so damn_ relieved that you weren't hurt."

"Me too." She held his gaze for a moment, then broke it. "I should get home."

"Yea." He stood and pulled her to her feet. "Go get your rest."

"Are you going to sleep?"

"I'll catch some Z's in Bobby's room."

"Okay. Walk me out?"

"I'm not allowed out."

"Mm, right...house arrest. Well then walk me around the corner. Where there aren't so many people." He did as she told him and walked with her to the elevator. Once they rounded the corner and found slight privacy, he pulled her close and kissed her again.

"I like you, Liv," he murmured.

"I like you too, Ed."

"Call me in the morning? Make sure I'm awake?"

"Sure."

"Night."

"Night," she replied before stepping into the elevator. He waited for the doors to slide shut, then went to Bobby's room. Bobby was still in his deep sleep, machines blinking and bleeping. Ed sat back in the nearby chair and propped his feet up on the radiator. "Night, B," he said quietly.

Ed didn't sleep well at all. Between the lack of comfort and the hourly bed checks, he barely got any rest. He gave up at the 6 AM check and went to find coffee. When he returned, Dr. Westmoreland was in the room.

"Good morning," they greeted each other.

"How's he?" Ed asked, as he pushed his back against the wall, in hopes of realigning it.

"He's good. Better. We've noticed minor twitches and muscle spasms, but it doesn't mean much."

"Have you done any of that-" he yawned, "...sorry...any of that sensory testing stuff?"

"Briefly, with no result. Like I said, we'll know something more definitive when he wakes."

"And you'll call Deakins as soon as there's a change?"

"Yes, Detective."

"Thank you."

As the doctor and nurse left the room, Alex walked in. "Morning," she said. He just nodded. "Tired?" He nodded again. "Anything?" She motioned to Bobby. Ed filled her in. "Go get ready for work," she told him. "I'll stick around here for a few hours, at least."

"I'll try and drop in later." He left and found Cann who was taking him home to change. On the ride, his cell phone rang. "Green."

"Don't you ever answer any other way?" Olivia asked.

He smiled. "No."

"Not even when you have caller ID and know I'm calling?"

"Habit. I'll work on it," he chuckled.

"Just checking. So you're awake then?"

"Yep. Going home, then to the 2-7."

"Major Case," Cann said from the front seat.

"I stand corrected, I'll be at Major Case."

"Why?"

"You're asking the wrong person."

"How's Bobby?"

"The same."

"Will I see you today?" She asked.

"Not sure."

"Call if you need anything."

"Define anything," he teased.

"Anything," she repeated.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were hinting at something, Detective."

"I'm doing nothing of the sort...Detective. I'm saying, call if you need anything."

He could hear her smile. "Well I'm not trying to rush into anything..."

"Who's rushing? It's been nearly a year since the first time we tried starting this off."

"I know. It feels good to finally be somewhere with it."

"It does," she said.

"I'll talk to you later," he replied, as the car pulled to the front of the building.

"I look forward to it."


	9. Eight: Lightning Crashes

**Lightning Crashes**

"_Oh now feel it comin' back again.__Like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind,__  
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again__I can feel it."_

_Live_

Van Buren, Deakins and Agents Harrison and Ashboro all stood around Deakins' office with Ed, Joe, Logan and Barek.

"We checked out the whole building," Ashboro said. "It's mostly offices for rent. The two offices you pointed out were both empty. However, we did find a trace of gunshot residue on the ledge of the upper office. No prints, just this." He held up another letter in a plastic baggie.

"This is the end of the drill, please remain calm, this was only a drill. Had this been real, Detective Goren would be dead," Ed read.

"Have you been able to lift _anything_ off of the letters?" Joe asked.

"No we haven't," Harrison replied.

"What about the office? How did our guy get up there?" Van Buren asked.

"The office is not under lease to anyone at this point. We pulled the names of everyone that works in the building and everyone that works for the leasing agent of the building. The entire history. Why don't you see if any names look familiar?" Ashboro suggested.

"Gee, thanks, more paperwork," Joe said with a smile.

Harrison returned Joe's smile. "Yes, Detective. I think you should be glad that we're letting you all work on this again. We took you off it this morning, but we are asking nicely that you go over these files and bring us something." Then his smile faded and he glared.

Ed went over to Bobby's desk and sat down. Joe sat across from him in Alex's desk, while Barek and Logan sat in their respective desks. They each had a couple pages of the building list to go through, and they'd pass the page on the next person when they didn't see anything. After an hour or so Joe spoke up.

"Nicholson and Grant," he said.

"Who?" Everyone chorused.

"I don't know," Joe continued. He and Ed looked at each other in deep thought.

"Nicholson and Grant?" Ed finally asked.

"But...Grant is a common name," Joe replied. Logan and Barek watched the banter in confusion.

"Check the file."

Joe nodded and went through the box of files they'd had sent over from the 2-7. After pawing through, he pulled one out. "Oohkay...Terry Grant. Nephew, Tyler Grant. Niece, Sarah Grant. We spoke to Tyler..." he ran through the notes they'd taken. "Tyler's sister and brother in law, Chris, created the law firm Nicholson and Grant. And according to the list our guys got us, Nicholson and Grant recently had a client involved in a dispute with the leasing agent of the building."

"Fill us in?" Barek asked, feeling left out.

"Tyler Grant. We spoke to him the other day about his uncle, Terry. Tyler would be Sarah's brother." Joe started.

"Uncle got released three days before the shootings started," Ed continued. "Detective Reese was the arresting officer. The kid gave his uncle an alibi. He seemed like a nice guy. The kid that is...we didn't meet Uncle Terry."

"So, what, we're thinking maybe he lied about his uncle's alibi after all?" Joe asked.

"Then the uncle went to his niece, who had ties to a building across from the 1PP," Logan said.

"Why would Uncle Terry want to go after Goren?" Barek asked. No one could answer it.

"Back to the files," Joe grunted. "You'd think by now we'd have these memorized."

As they all started back on the files, Deakins walked over. "Bobby's waking."

Ed jumped up and grabbed his jacket. "I'm coming."

"I know. Ashboro already approved it. Edgers is meeting us downstairs." He looked at the others. "Van Buren went back to the 2-7, Fontana hang out with my kids here and keep up the work."

They all nodded, and Ed followed Deakins out. "Did they say anything else?"

"Nope."

As soon as they walked in, Alex walked up to him. "He just woke up, come on." She grabbed Ed's arm and dragged him into the room. Deakins waited in the hall, too many cooks in the kitchen and all. Dr. Westmoreland was already at Bobby's side talking to him. There was a small sheet rigged up in front of Bobby's face so he couldn't see past his shoulders. Another doctor stood down the bed from him.

"Okay now, Bobby?" Dr. Westmoreland said. "Tell me what you feel." Ed and Alex stepped into the room and stood out of the way. The doc glanced at them and waved them over. "Your friends are here, so just relax." Bobby nodded slowly. His eyes were only half open. The nurse started poking and prodding Bobby in the legs and hips. Bobby didn't flinch.

"We starting?" Bobby asked horsely. Ed and Alex looked at each other. Bobby caught it. He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate. "I...don't f-feel any...anything." He said after a few more minutes. "Why don't I-." He coughed.

"Good, Bobby, good," Dr. Westmoreland said. "Just relax now. We've got some standard tests to run, we're not done yet. Don't be scared, sometimes we just need to wait." He and the nurse left the room. Deakins stepped in.

"Heya Bobby."

Bobby raised his eyes a bit to the door. "Hi...Capt-captain."

Alex stepped over to her partner and took his hand. "How ya feeling?"

"Great," he mumbled.

"You heard the doc, it will all be okay," Ed said. Bobby nodded but didn't respond. "We're working on the case some more, man. We might have a lead."

"Who?" Bobby wheezed.

"Haven't gotten that far, yet. But we'll catch him. Logan and Barek are helping out."

"Logan? Don't..." Bobby licked his lips and took a few breaths. "Don't..." he coughed, "let him give you a-a...hard time."

"I won't." The nurse came in and made Deakins, Alex and Ed leave the room. The three sat down in the waiting area, unable to say anything to each other.

"Captain Deakins, Detectives," said Dr. Westmoreland, walking up to them. They stood. "I wish I could tell you I know what will happen, but I don't. Until he starts to heal and feel stronger, we will not know exactly. It's completely possible bit by bit over the day he'll get feeling back. At this point, there are several tests we want to do to see what we can find. He has no feeling from his chest and arms to his legs. I can tell you for certain that he is on the mend, otherwise. He's breathing on his own, his heart is beating...once we get some of the tests done, I'll know better how long I want to keep him here. For now, he stays."

"So what..." Alex shook her head. "I'm sorry...what can we do?"

"Let him rest as much as he needs to, and keep him company. He needs to try to stay positive. Keep visiting, and again disregard the visitors hours."

"Thank you," Deakins said, he shook the doctor's hand. When the doctor left, he turned to Alex and Ed.

"Okay Eames, you need to get out of here for awhile."

"No, I should stay. Someone needs to be here in case-"

"Alex, you need to get out of here for a bit. They aren't going to let us in while they're doing tests and Bobby needs to sleep," Deakins argued. "Just an hour."

Ed set his hand on her back. "Come on. Bobby's good. By the time you get back, maybe they'll be done with the testing and you can sit in there with him."

"Okay," she said at last. "Okay, let's go." The two left with Cann in tow. As they rode in the agents car, Ed glanced over at Alex. "Did anyone ever call his mom?"

"Yea, Deakins called her doctor yesterday. They're waiting for a better word before they tell her anything."

"That's wise."

"It's all over the news, though. I can't believe his name leaked," she said.

"At least it wasn't one of the dead cops names that leaked."

"True."

"I should probably get his cell when I get back to the hospital and get the numbers for a couple of his buddies," Ed thought out loud. "I know at least Lewis will want to know the details, but I don't know his number."

"I think it's in his Rolodex on his desk."

"That'd work. Hopefully he won't mind me snooping through his numbers."

"No, he won't. Not when it comes to this."

"This week sucks," he said quietly.

"Yea it does."

When they all got back to Major Case, Ed went over to the others. "Anything on Uncle Terry?"

"No...but we're about to have him picked up. He had to have done it," Logan said.

"I don't agree," Barek interrupted, in a tone that sounded like she was repeating herself. "We have found no reason for the uncle to go after Goren. I thought that we agreed Goren was the target?"

"Maybe you haven't looked deep enough," Ed told her.

She gave him a look usually reserved for Logan. "We haven't been sitting here with our thumbs up our butts, Green."

"I didn't say that. I'm saying-"

"And _I'm_ saying it doesn't make sense. The connection's gotta be a coincidence. Or maybe we need to be looking into the nephew."

"The nephew was too clean!" Joe snapped.

"How can you be sure?" She countered back.

"Come on Barek," Logan rolled his eyes. "You know there are no coincidences. We may not have found anything, but the uncle is behind this. He's gotta be."

"Let's just talk to the uncle, see what he says," Ed suggested.

"We'll give his name to the feds," Joe said.

As they all waited for Terry Grant to be brought in, they discussed Bobby's condition. "These doctors sound like quacks," Logan finally said. "They should be able to tell us one way or the other if he's paralyzed."

"Like we should be able to tell one way or the other who shot him?" Ed replied.

"That's not the same. Besides, we do know."

"It is the same Logan. Cut the doctors a break. They saved his life," Ed pointed out.

"I'm not trying to sound like an ass here, I'm-"

"What's new?" Barek snorted. Logan grunted, rolled his eyes, and walked off. "Oh Mike, quit being a baby," she called, going after him.

Joe gave Ed an amused look. "I'm tellin ya, Eddie. We miss a lot of fun over here." He saw a flash of...something...over Ed's face, then realized what he'd said. "Oh...sorry..._Ed_..." He corrected himself.

Ed nodded. "Don't worry about it."

"You visit her recently?"

"Beginning of the week." He stretched. "That seems like so long ago."

"Tell me about it."

At that point, Harrison walked in. "Green, Fontana I need to speak with you." The men looked at each other, got to their feet, and walked over to him.

"What's up?" Ed asked.

"Tyler Grant."

"The nephew? What about him?" Joe asked.

"He's dead. Suicide. Left a note. Call came in before we went for his uncle."

"Why were you called?"

"His note confessed to being the sniper, said his mission was over with and he was ready to die."

"Did he leave any proof in his letter that he did it?"

"Yes. He gave the names of each officer shot, and the location he shot them from. We're checking the scenes he gave out now. A riffle was beside his body, though he OD'd. We sent the riffle in for testing. CSU guesses the body's been dead since late last night."

"So you believe it?" Ed crossed his arms.

"We have to. We'll know for sure in a couple hours. We'll let you know when we're happy that it's him. Until then, stay here just in case." Harrison walked away without another word, and went to Deakins' office.

Ed and Joe looked at each other. "Do _we_ believe it?" Joe asked.

"Believe what?" Mike asked, he and Carolyn appearing at their sides. Ed quickly rehashed the news.

Carolyn had a small smile. "Told ya so."

"I wanna see the scene," Ed said. The others nodded. They all trooped to Deakins' office and knocked on the door. It opened and Deakins and Harrison stepped out. "Take us to the scene."

"I don't think so," Harrison shook his head.

"This was my case in the beginning. _Our_ case," he motioned to himself and Joe. "This guy harassed _us_, he shot _my_ friend, he nearly shot my-...I want to see the scene. I have that right. _We_ have that right."

"There's nothing to see, Detective. It's not a crime scene, it's a suicide."

"But we might-" Carolyn started.

"No. What's going to happen is this," Harrison barked. " Logan and Barek, you two are going to invite some people close to Grant here to talk to Green and Fontana. Green and Fontana are going to get an idea of the state of mind of Grant and see who knew what he was up to." Ed opened his mouth to protest, but Harrison held up a hand. "That is all." Then he walked back into Deakins' office. Deakins shrugged at the detectives then followed the agent and shut the door.

"Don't worry Green, let's do this their way for now," Logan said calmly.

"So who do we talk to?" Barek asked.

"Let's start with the girlfriend," Joe suggested. "She lives in, so she shouldn't be too hard to find."

"You think she knows he's dead yet?" Mike asked.

"She will soon. Her name's Vivian Saunders. Nice southern belle," Joe replied.

"I guess we'll go look for her then," Carolyn said.

She and Mike left and started to the apartment. When they arrived, it was swarming with feds.

"And you are?" One asked them, blocking their path.

"Logan and Barek, Major Case. Agent Harrison wants us to bring in Ms. Saunders for a chat," Carolyn said.

"Who?"

"The girlfriend," Mike replied.

"Sorry, there's no girlfriend here."

"Well can you let us upstairs to find out where she may be?" Mike was getting annoyed.

"No," he said.

Ed was at Bobby's desk. He had just gotten off the phone with Bobby's friend Lewis, and was now on the phone with Alex trying to get a few more numbers from Bobby's cell phone. She had just finished telling him that there was no news on Bobby and he was sleeping again. As Ed was writing down a number, he realized the pen was leaking ink all over his hands. He groaned.

"What?" Alex asked.

"These pens. Does Bobby have tissues in his desk?" He started opening the drawers and looking for something to clean his hands on.

"Yea the top drawer there."

"Aha, thank you." He pulled at the small box, but it wasn't budging. He pulled the drawer out further and yanked the box out. It came out finally, but somehow a folder had gotten stuck to it and the folder popped open sending papers everywhere. Again, Ed groaned.

"Now what?"

"Your partner is messier than I thought he could be. Let me call you back." He hung up the phone gently so as not to get more ink everywhere, then cleaned his hands up the best he could. He went and washed his hands so that he could put the papers and folder away without smudging them with ink. He came back, and as he bent down to pick everything up, something caught his eye. It was a newspaper clipping. He stared at it for a long time, then picked it up. "Joe!" He shouted. Joe came over. Ed held up the clipping. "What do you see?"

"Ink?"

"Not my hands, the clipping," Ed said.

Joe peered close and narrowed his eyes. "Uhh...I'd say that looks like our southern belle, Vivian."

"I wouldn't," said a voice behind Ed. They both turned, and Deakins was standing there with his arms crossed. "You're sure that's the girlfriend?"

"Absolutely. Though Vivian's a brunette," Ed said. "Why?"

"Because she's no southern belle, gentleman. She's Nicolle Wallace."


	10. Nine: Everything's Not Lost

**Everything's Not Lost**

"_So if you ever feel neglected, and  
if you think that all is lost, I'll be counting  
up my demons, yeah hoping everything's not lost."_

_Coldplay_

"Who's Nicolle Wallace?" Joe asked.

Deakins rubbed his forehead and stared at the picture. "She's evil is what she is. You know how it took you a long time to pin anything on that Johnson guy?" They nodded. "Well she's Goren and Eames' version...only...about ten times worse."

"Bobby has never said a word about her," Ed said.

"No he probably hasn't. She is the bane of his existence. She gets to him. She's the one person he just can't seem to throw away," Deakins sighed. "Is there any way Vivian Saunders just looks a lot like the woman in the clipping?"

"No. This is her, I'm sure of it. She served us coffee when we were speaking with Grant," Joe answered.

"And you're saying she had a southern accent and brown hair?"

"Yes."

"A new role for her. Excuse me." He walked to his office and slammed his door shut a little too hard. Ed's cell phone rang.

"Green."

"Everything resolved?" Alex asked.

"Not quite."

"What's up?"

"It appears that you and Bobby know the sniper's girlfriend. Vivian Saunders...although you know her as Nicole Wallace, according to Deakins."

Alex gasped, "You're kidding."

"Why would I kid? I've never even heard of the woman before now."

"Any idea where she is?"

"None."

"Ed...oh, Ed. You gotta tell the feds. You gotta find her. If...if it's her...she was behind this all."

"I think Deakins is calling them now."

"I can tell you right now how it went down. She romanced this guy, got him to kill off a few cops, then had him go after Bobby. And then she killed him."

"Alex, it was a suicide."

"No."

"Yes it-."

"You've never met this woman. I'm telling you, she killed him."

"Okay, okay. I'll call you back." He hung up and went to Deakins office.

Later that night Ed was sitting by Bobby's bedside. Bobby's condition hadn't changed and the results of whatever testing had been done that day, Ed didn't follow any of it, wouldn't be in until morning. "You should eat," he said with a nod to the food tray.

"Jello...is not f-food," Bobby replied in a tired, sore voice.

"It's about all you can handle now."

"I want...the 'remedy'."

"Not today, man."

"What kind of," he coughed, "friend are...are you?"

"Get some rest."

"I've been...s-sleeping all," he wheezed, "day."

Ed sighed. "I know. I'm just worried about you."

"I'm alive. I'm good."

"You sure?"

"If...you want I," he took a breath, "can...can get up and...dance f-for you." He closed his eyes and wheezed. "Oh, wait. N-no I can't."

Ed put his hand on Bobby's shoulder. "It'll be okay."

"Right."

"Ed," a voice came from the doorway.

Ed turned around and saw Logan and Barek, he turned back to Bobby. "I'll be back. Hold on."

"I'm not...going...any-anywhere."

Ed got up and walked out of the room to speak with Barek. Logan went into the room to sit with Bobby. "Anything?" Ed asked Carolyn as they stood down the hall.

"No, we can't find a trace of her. Nothing to even prove that she lived in the apartment."

"Can we at least prove that it wasn't a suicide?" He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Hard to say. But the boys won't go any further. They won't listen to 'speculation' about Nicole Wallace. They say as far as they can see it, Grant was the sniper and killed himself. Ballistics matched the riffle. They're making it the final word."

"Bastards," Ed shook his head. "They just want to stamp a seal on the case and have it over. They want to tell the country that they swooped in and saved the day and the world is now safe again."

"Pretty much, yea," she agreed. He knew she used to be one of them, but he could tell they were pissing her off too.

"What about justice for our dead cops? And for Bobby? Bobby can't even _walk_, Barek."

"I know that," she sighed and leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms. She studied him with narrowed eyes. "And you can say a hundred percent that it was Wallace in the apartment?"

"Yes. Deakins passed me and Joe a better picture of her. It was her."

"We'll find her."

"Right," Ed didn't agree.

"Did you tell Bobby about it yet?"

"No. He's got enough to deal with today."

"You should go home. Mike and I can stick around for a few hours. I finally convinced Alex to go get some rest."

"I can't go home."

"Just go get some air then. You can come back in a couple hours and sit up all night, I'll be happy to go sleep in my warm bed," she smiled at him.

He smiled back. "Okay, okay. I'll go. But I'll be back."

"We'll be here."

"Benson."

"Hi," he said gently.

"Hey, how are you? How's Bobby?"

"I'm tired. Bobby's...I don't know."

"You've had a pretty long day."

"Yes. I have."

"I heard they found the sniper."

"Something like that."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Not tonight."

"What are you doing?"

"Not sure. Logan and Barek kicked me out of the hospital for the next couple of hours. They seemed to think I needed a break."

"Want to get some dinner?"

"No, you should stay in."

"Ed," she laughed. "I'm still at my desk, but I should be leaving soon. You don't have to eat, but I want food."

"Okay, want me to pick you up?"

"Uh, yea that's fine. No one else is really around."

"See you in a bit." He headed over to SVU and hopped into the elevator. The building was too quiet. Ed leaned back against the wall in the elevator and shut his eyes. He opened them slowly when the elevator slid into place and the doors opened. He made his way into the squad room, his head felt like it weighed a ton. The room was quiet as Olivia and Elliott were the only ones there, not counting the Captain. Ed plopped down in a chair near Elliott and Olivia's desk.

"You look beat," Elliott said. Ed nodded and his eyes drooped closed again.

"Maybe you should go get some sleep," Olivia suggested.

"No," he said after a moment. "Gotta go back...to...to, uh, the...the hospital."

"Ed, go lay down on one of the bunks for a bit. I'll come get you when I'm ready to go," she said. He started to protest, but then nodded and slumped away.

"I thought we were done," Elliott said.

"We are. Go home. I'll order some food and let him sleep for awhile."

"He's sure been coming around a lot lately," he said, ignoring her.

"Don't."

"This is me, Liv."

"I know. And I don't know what's going on with Ed and me, so please keep quiet about it."

"Okay. Be careful."

"Goodnight, Elliott," she said again. He got up and was out the door. Olivia got to her feet and went to the back room where the bunks were. Ed was passed out on one of the beds. She watched him for a moment, and smiled. She was really hungry, but at that moment it didn't matter. She locked the door and turned off the light. Then she slid out of her shoes and went and sat by Ed's side. It was dark and she could barely see him, but her eyes were slowly adjusting. She could feel him flinching in his sleep. She gently swung her legs onto the bed and leaned back, propped up slightly. He gave a more noticeable flinch, and it was easy to tell that his dreams were troubling him. Olivia didn't doubt that he'd been having bad dreams the past year. She ran her hand down his arm, and grasped onto his hand. Then she closed her eyes and sank down in the bed and lay against him. As soon as she did, he stopped flinching and his sharp breaths eased into deep sighs.

Both Ed and Olivia were shocked out of sleep some hours later when Ed's phone shrilled loudly.

"Hrmph," he mumbled into it.

"What happened to you, man?" Mike asked.

Ed looked around the room and at Olivia. She shrugged and shut her eyes and lay back down. "I feel asleep."

"Oh, did I wake you?"

"No, I sensed a call from the great Mike Logan and woke up before you could wake me." Ed lay back.

"Oh! Great! As long as I didn't wake you. Well you can go back to sleep. I'm still here with Bobby, but he's asleep. I sent Carolyn home a couple hours ago.

"It's cool, I'm up. I'll be up there in a bit."

"Stay where you are. Everyone will be pissed at me if they find out I let you come back here."

"See you in five," Ed hung up his phone and sighed.

"Can't you just sleep?" Olivia asked.

He glanced over at her. "I could...but I want to be there."

"I understand. I'm just worried." She turned her face up and opened her eyes.

"Don't worry." He leaned down and kissed her. "Go back to sleep."

"Mm, no I'll go with you."

"Not a good idea. Logan's gonna be there. If we show up together in the middle of the night he'll know something's up."

"We can tell him-."

Ed chuckled and tucked her hair back. "This is Logan we're talking about."

"Okay, true. Go on. I'll come by in the morning. If you want I can stop at your place before I come up to the hospital and grab you a suit for work," she suggested as he stood up.

He scratched his head and nodded with a yawn. "Yea, okay." He grabbed his keys and pulled his key off the keyring. "Thank you."

"Stop thanking me." She moved over in the bed and spread out.

He smiled down at her, then leaned over the bed with his hands on either side of her and kissed her again. "Stop telling me what to do," he said in a playful whisper.


	11. Ten: Heal Over

_AN: This chapter's dedicated to kawaiidancer422...you'll see why :). Also, this is the last update for a while. Got other things to focus on for the next couple days besides editing. Let me know how you're liking it so far, though.  
_

* * *

**Heal Over**

"_Cause you'll heal over,   
heal over,  
heal over someday." _

_KT Tunstall_

"Wake up," a voice drifted over Ed's dreams. "You. Wake up."

"Problem?" Ed grumbled, still exhausted. He opened his eyes and looked at Bobby.

"Yes."

"What?"

"Wake up."

"What're you, three?" He rubbed his face and sat up straight. "What time is it?" He looked at his watch. "Aw man! It's five-thirty! I just got here two hours ago. Can't you sleep longer?"

"I slept all day yesterday. In case you forgot I was shot," Bobby sounded grumpy.

"I didn't forget. I'm here, right?"

"Then if you didn't forget why won't anyone tell me what's going on? I haven't seen any agents around, and Mike told me I could relax. I know you caught the guy."

"We didn't catch him, B."

"Tell me."

"A man overdosed and left a note claiming he was the sniper. He had the rifle with him."

"He didn't do it?"

"Yes. He did. He had an accomplice."

"Did you catch him?"

"Her. No." Ed watched as Bobby thought carefully. "Bobby, man...if anyone was going to shoot you..."

"She's gone," he said quietly. He turned and stared at a spot on the wall. "It was her...it was Wallace?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"She ruined me."

"No. No, you're not ruined. You'll heal. And if you don't, you're alive. She tried to get to you, but she failed."

"Ed, give me a minute please."

Ed nodded. "Okay." He left the room and shut the door behind him. Coffee. He needed coffee.

He found himself a large cup of coffee and sat down in the cafeteria to give Bobby some more space. At some point, he fell asleep. He was awoken by his cell phone, yet again.

"Green," he sighed.

"Am I right in guessing you're at the hospital?" Van Buren's voice came on the line.

"Yep."

"How's Detective Goren?"

"He's good."

"Good. I just wanted to tell you that I'm giving you and Joe a personal day. After this case, you deserve it. I'll see you Monday morning, okay?"

"Thanks Lieu." The second he hung up his phone it rang again. "Green."

"Have you slept at all?" Olivia asked.

"Mmm...some." He went to pick up his coffee cup, but it was gone. "Aw man, someone stole my coffee!" He wanted to just cry or have a temper tantrum, he was so tired. Instead he dragged himself to the counter for another cup.

"How's Bobby?"

"Depressed. He's not...Bobby."

"I'm sorry..." She sighed. "Oh," she remembered. "I haven't stopped for your change of clothes yet. I'll do that now."

"Don't bother. Van Buren gave me the day off. I'll just hang here."

"Can I bring you breakfast then?"

"I'm in the cafeteria now."

"Ed, I'd like to see you this morning. Quit throwing out my excuses."

He smiled. "Okay, come have breakfast with me. Then you can drop in on Bobby. Maybe seeing a pretty girl will lighten his mood."

"You don't have to butter me up."

"I'm not."

"Right. See you in a bit."

Ed watched her as they sipped at their coffees. Both weren't quite up for eating, so they slowly picked at muffins. "Elliott's already asking questions," she said.

"What'd you tell him?"

"That it wasn't a topic open for discussion because I don't know what this is."

"You don't?"

"Do you?"

"I'd call it...spending time with someone I like being around," he suggested.

"I'll accept that."

"And...I'd call it, there's no one else I want to spend time with at this point..."

"I'd say the same..."

"But...if someone else asks you out and you want to accept...you should," he said as he shifted in his seat.

"Let's not worry about it now."

"Okay." He finished off his coffee. "Then how about we revisit that 'anything' subject?" He gave her an irresistibly catching grin.

Ed and Olivia walked into Bobby's room. He was being fed applesauce by a young redheaded nurse. "Is it safe for us to enter?" Ed asked.

Bobby looked over, and for the first time that day, had a small smile. "Hi Olivia."

"Hey Bobby." She walked over to him.

"Oh I see, give her the friendly-Goren act." Ed rolled his eyes.

"Ignore him, he's jealous," Olivia said. She patted his cheek gently, where he could actually feel anything.

"The magic touch," he said. "Ed, I think I have to steal your woman."

"Try," Ed replied. He stepped to Olivia and placed a hand on her back. "Introduce us to your friend."

"Nurse Perez," Bobby said.

"Mya," the nurse corrected with a smile.

"Right. Mya. My friends, Ed and Olivia."

"Good to meet you," Mya said politely. She looked down at Bobby.

"Well Detective Goren, you sit tight. I am going to check on your charts."

"I'll be here Nurse Mya," he said.

"Nurse Mya?" Ed teased when she left the room. "Turning on that charm, big man?"

"It's all I have."

"That and you're killer good looks," Olivia commented.

"Okay, if you two want to have an affair just let me know and I'll go find Nurse Mya." Ed pointed out the door. Olivia gave him a look, but Bobby got real quiet. They turned to him. "Stay with us, B."

"I...I am." He blinked several times. He stared down at his hand. His finger was twitching slightly.

"The doc says that's normal," Ed said.

"But...I feel it. I don't feel...but I feel it move."

"You serious?" Ed reached over and pinched Bobby in the arm.

"What was that for?"

"Did you feel it?"

"No."

"I'll go find the doctor," Olivia said.

Within moments, the doctor came in and Ed and Olivia were pushed out of the room. They stood in the hall impatiently. Olivia checked her watch. "I hafta get going soon. Elliott's going to start wondering where I am." Ed nodded, not really listening. "I'll wait a bit, though." She took his hand. Not much later, the doctor invited them back into the room.

"Good news," he said smiling from Bobby to Ed. "Bobby seems to be regaining feeling in his arms. He still can't move them too much on his own, but they have feeling." He looked at Bobby again. "Very good news, my friend. I'll give you some time on your own for now, but I'm sorry to say you've got a lot more tests today. And we're going to see about getting your Physical Therapist in here later. The quicker we start, the better."

When he left, Olivia went to Bobby's side again and leaned over to hug him. "I'm happy for you Bobby. I wish I could stay and celebrate, but I have to get into work. Try to be nice to Ed, okay?" He just nodded. She stepped up to Ed and squeezed his hand. "I'll call you later."

"Thank you for breakfast," he said quietly. She nodded and left. "So?" He asked Bobby.

"It's good...just...need my legs to catch up."

"They will."

"Are you going to work today?"

"Nope. I'm here to harass you all day long."

"Will...are they looking for Wallace?"

"I don't know. According to the feds, the case is over and she had nothing to do with it. I doubt Deakins will let it go that easy though."

Bobby nodded. "Good."

Ed looked around the room. It hadn't been 24 hours yet, and already the room was starting to fill with flowers and cards. "Who would have thought you'd get so much crap?" He teased.

Bobby looked around. "Not me," he said seriously. "But...it's nice."

"See? People care."

Bobby got quiet for a minute, as though he were thinking over his words to use. "A year ago...I've never had many friends, Ed...I've never..." He took a moment to regain his breath. His eyes were pointed to the ceiling. "When I invited you to crash on my couch after...after Misha, I saw that you needed somewhere to go. I was being considerate. You became a very good friend...and I just wanted to thank you. And now I seem to be gaining a new friend in Olivia...and that's thanks to you as well. It's nice...being stuck here and having someone beside me."

"I'm just returning what you've shown me this past year." They both went silent for a bit. Then ready to be over the awkward man-feelings talk, Ed spoke up. "Nurse Mya is hot, Iggy. I think she wants you." Bobby laughed. "I mean it. Why don't I go tell her you need a sponge bath?"

Bobby laughed again, then groaned. "Ouhh, don't make me laugh."

Ed hung out in Bobby's room while he was taken away for all sorts of X-ray's and tests. He was getting hungry for lunch, and he was bored. Flipping through the channels on the television did nothing to solve either problem. His cell phone rang.

"Green."

"Hey Green, it's Eames."

"Alex, hey."

"Tell me something good."

"Nothing since I called earlier. They took him an hour ago for testing."

"Any idea when they'll be through?"

"No."

"Call me when you know."

"The very second."

Ed got up and headed out the door for lunch, but the desk attendant waved him over. "Yea?" He asked.

"You're visiting Detective Goren?"

"Yes."

"Here, this was dropped off earlier. Can you see that he gets it?" The man handed Ed a blue envelope.

"Sure, thanks." He slipped it into his jacket pocket and left. Now that he wasn't under guard, he was getting some fresh air.

He was on a bench, munching down on turkey and cheese when his cell rang. He glanced at the caller ID and saw his partner's number. "Hey Joe," he answered.

"The funerals are being set for this weekend," Joe announced. "Now that the case is closed and it's safe."

"Safe...yea. Wallace is still out there."

"If she had anything to do with it. I just wanted to let you know, though."

"Okay..."

"You gonna be okay?"

He set his food down beside him and stretched. "Yea, why not?"

"Just, well, you know...the last funeral you attended-,"

"Misha's. I know. I'm going to these, though. I have to."

"I'll see you tomorrow then. The LT will send us emails with the schedule."

"Cool, see ya."

"Yea, see ya."

Ed hung up, and went back to his lunch and started thinking. Obviously, the next day wouldn't be pleasant. He called up Olivia but it went right to voicemail.

"Hey, uh...it's me. Ed. Uhhh...Joe just told me about the funerals tomorrow. I wanted to check up on you...and uh...see how you are. I'll be going back to the hospital soon, so just call...whenever. Alex is planning on taking the late shift at Bobby's side tonight, so I'll be going home to sleep finally...uh, bye." He hung up. He stared at his cell phone and wondered if all that had really come out of his mouth. Why all the sudden had he just lost all his cool? Why did women have control over men like that? He rolled his eyes at himself, and went back to his lunch.

He'd been keeping his eye on a couple pigeons who were teetering nearby, eying him and his food. They had accumulated friends. There were now several pigeons wobbling around. One took a flying jump onto the bench beside him and just hung out there. Another hopped up on the back of the bench and started creeping closer to him. He shuddered. "Back off," he said. His eyes darted between all the birds They all started inching closer to him, eyes on his sandwich. He jumped up quick. "My lunch! Back off!" Then he took off down the walk, giving a few backward glances at the birds to make sure they weren't following. "Damn obnoxious ugly bastards," he muttered under his breath as he headed back to the hospital.

By the time he got back, Bobby was back in his room resting. The second he walked in, Bobby smiled without opening his eyes. "I smell French fries," he said, sounding stronger than he had all week. "There better be a milkshake with those."

Ed laughed. "Of course there is. I promised you 'the remedy' didn't I?" The "remedy" being what they both agreed on to being the only solution to a bad day. They just disagreed on the flavor. Ed's vote was for vanilla, and Bobby had to have his strawberry.

Ed pulled the bag of double fries and milkshakes from inside his jacket, and shut the door. "You better be able to eat all this, I had security checking me out good when I sneaked these in."

Bobby nodded slightly. "The doctor just said I could try something more solid than applesauce," he said slowly.

"Okay," Ed pulled his chair to Bobby's side and opened the fries and set them on the table over Bobby's chest. Then he put the shakes up.

"Ed."

"Yes?"

"I hate to say this...uh..." Bobby coughed, "But, uh...I kinda need help." He moved his arm a bit, and flinched in proof that they weren't much good to him just yet.

"I am not feeding you, man," Ed said. He picked up a fry and ate it.

"So you're gonna sit there and eat in front of me?"

Ed looked down at Bobby warily for a moment, then sighed. "Fine. Fine, but don't tell anyone." He picked up a couple fries and held them out for Bobby who ate them. Ed ate a couple more then tipped Bobby's shake to him so Bobby could sip it. Before long, Bobby closed his eyes. He was full.

"Sorry. I know you went to all the trouble-."

"Don't. It's okay," Ed said sipping at his shake. There was a knock at the door and it popped open. Both men looked up like little boys getting caught with firecrackers.

Alex smirked in amusement. "Fries and shakes?" She asked. "Tsk, tsk." But she helped herself to a hand full of fries, regardless. Ed stood so she could sit down in his chair. "How are ya?" She asked Bobby.

"Sore and still broken."

"Any word on the X-rays?"

"Not yet."

"The funerals are tomorrow," she said to Ed.

He nodded, "So I heard."

"Really?" Bobby asked. "Think I'll be allowed to go?" He smiled.

"Doubtful, B," Ed replied.

"Didn't think so."

"Oh! I almost forgot." Ed pulled the envelope from his pocket. "This came for you today." He handed it to Alex for her to open. The envelope had no writing on it. Alex pulled out a card. It had a picture of a cat staring down a mouse. She opened it up and read it, and both men saw a flicker of something cross over her face.

Bobby knew the look. "What?" He asked.

"Nothing...it's..." She tried to put it away.

Bobby knew better. "Read it, Eames."

"No. It's a stupid joke, you don't-,"

"Read it!" He snapped.

She sighed and opened the card back up and held it up for him. "It's blank except for a typed message. 'Get well, Bobby. Your Mouse wants to play'." The room fell into silence. Everyone knew who it was from.

When Alex left, she took the card with her to check for prints. Meanwhile, the doctor came in to announce that they found something on the X-rays and wanted to take Bobby in for another surgery.

"Surgery," Bobby repeated. "How...how risky is it?"

"Low risk. Again, we'll be operating near your spine so it will be risky, but we just want to take a look. If we can fix you up, we will. If not we'll close you up and leave you alone. I don't mean to scare you, Bobby. I'm confident in my surgeons."

"Okay. What have I got to loose?"

Eames showed up early that evening, and Bobby was still sleeping off the surgery. The doc was certain, so far, that they had accomplished nothing that day. No one looked forward to telling Bobby. Alex sighed upon hearing the news.

"They lift anything off the card?" Ed asked her.

"No. And it was dropped off by messenger. We spoke to him and he told us a teenage boy gave him the card to deliver. We couldn't find the kid. I guess she paid the kid to get the card here. So once again, we got nothing on her. Not that it matters since we don't know where she is."

"Damn."

"Yes, that would be the shared opinion."

"Okay..." Ed sighed. "I'm going home. If Iggy wakes, tell him I'll be by in the morning. You gonna be good here all night?"

"I'll be fine. Go."

106


	12. Eleven: Shiver

_AN: Okay, so I had some time afterall...enjoy _

* * *

**Shiver**

"_Immobilized by the thought of you.  
Paralyzed by the sight of you.  
Hypnotized by the words you say,  
not true but I believe 'em anyway.  
So come to bed It's getting late.  
There's no more time for us to waste.  
Remember how my body tastes.  
You feel your heart begin to race."_

_Maroon 5_

Ed walked down the hall to his apartment with the feeling that he hadn't slept in years. He reached for his keys when he got to his door, but something was amiss. He thought for a moment. Then he smiled and pulled out his cell.

"Benson," she answered.

"So I've got this problem," he said, not sounding like the moron he had earlier.

"Oh?"

"Y'see...I've been spending a lot of time with this really great woman this week. A woman that has been on my mind for a year now."

"How horrible," she mocked.

"No. No, that's the good part. The even better part is last night she slept in my arms, and I slept better than I have in...I don't know how long, even though I only slept for three hours."

"Mmm."

"Again, I'm not complaining. But now, I'm sitting outside my apartment – locked out – because I don't have a key to get in."

"Oh! Crap! I have it!"

"I know you do," he smiled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I completely forgot cause I never went by there for you this morning," she explained.

"By all means, come over and let me in."

"I won't be out of here for a bit longer."

"I'll be here."

"I'll try to leave soon," she promised.

He hung up, slipped his phone into his pocket, and sat down against the wall. He could go get the key from her, but they had agreed to limit being seen together around co-workers. And if Bobby weren't so paranoid, they'd have a hide-a-key. Or if they actually took the time to get to know their neighbors, maybe one might have a copy. Instead, he was locked out.

He must have drifted to sleep, because soon a foot was nudging his leg. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Olivia standing over him with a box of pizza.

"I don't know if I'm happier to see you or the pie," he mumbled with a yawn.

Her mouth fell open. "Fine. Hold onto the pizza and I'll leave." She gave him the food and turned to go. He grabbed the calve of her leg and wrapped his fingers around tight. She stopped and looked down on him. She was smiling.

"Think you're going somewhere?" He asked.

She pulled out his key and dropped it into his lap. "You gonna let go of me?"

His eyes lazily slid up her leg, waist, hip, and all the way to her eyes. "Hadn't planned on it." His eyes were sparkling.

She laughed and shook him off, "Get up, I'm hungry."

They sat across from one another at the dining room table as they finished dinner, and Ed filled her in on Bobby's current condition. "Alex still hasn't called with an update," he concluded.

Olivia nodded. "You hear the times for tomorrow yet?"

"Nope. Haven't checked my email at all today."

"Wilson and Mullins will be starting at nine."

"Okay," he stood and started clearing up. "We go separate?"

"What do you think?"

"I know."

"Is this becoming an issue already?" She picked up the pizza box and put it in the refrigerator.

"No." He threw away the used napkins and turned to her. "It's worth it."

"Is it?" He nodded and stepped forward, leaving a hair of space between them, and not touching her. "It's been a long week," she said. He nodded again. "Ed?"

"Hmm?" His eyes were studying the features of her face.

"Despite the hell we've all been put through this week, I'm...I'm just happy to be standing here with you." He grinned, not moving his eyes from her lips. She set her hands against his chest and fingered the buttons on his shirt. No one made a move for a long time, they were both too lost in the feel of it. Then at the same moment, she gripped onto the fabric of his shirt and he locked his fingers in her hair and they kissed fiercely. At first. Then it slowed to a long gentle kiss. She finally pulled from it and whispered against him, "It's late. You should get to bed." He opened his eyes and started to protest, but she smiled and linked her hands in his. "Don't worry, I'll tuck you in."

He raised his eyes, the corners of his mouth tipping up. "Will you?" She nodded and he put his lips to hers again. He slid his hands from hers, up her arms, down her sides, to her hips. "And do I get a goodnight kiss?" His palms held her hips tight, but his fingers crept under the seam of her shirt, and his thumbs hooked under the waistband of her pants. Her eyes closed and she slowly nodded. He smiled at the reaction. "And?"

Her eyes flew open and she looked up at him with her cop face. "And you wanna stand here and discuss it or-." He yanked her close and walked backwards to his room, pulling her along. She stopped at the doorway to his room and stared up at him.

"What?" He whispered.

"I'm just...taking in the moment."

He pulled her fully into the room and pushed the door closed. "Don't worry, I plan on taking it slow," he said into her neck.

He held her against his chest and ran his fingers through her hair. "Go to sleep," she mumbled. Her warm breath ran over his bare chest and sent a shiver down his back. He pulled the blanket tight around them.

"I will," he replied.

Her fingers stroked his chest and she pushed herself up, leaning on him. She raised an eyebrow. "What? Did I not tire you out? I can try again if you want."

He chuckled. "It's not that," he said. "I am exhausted...it's been a helluva week...this is nice, I'm just enjoying it." She lay back down against him. Feeling her touch again, he smiled. "But...I think I'll take you up on that 'try again' offer," he said with a grin and pulling her over to him.

As always, the sun shone brightly into Ed's bedroom window. For once, he couldn't care less. He didn't have to open his eyes to know that she was still firmly inside his arms. He pressed a kiss on her forehead and she stirred a bit. Neither wanted to break the moment with words, so they lay still in their half-awake blurry world. His fingers traced the curves of her back, and she let her hand drift from his shoulder down his arm and back again.

Somewhere in the distance, his alarm was ringing. "Mmmm," she groaned.

"We gotta get up," he said, not making any movement.

"You first."

"Hm-mmm. You. You have to go home and change."

"Bastard."

He laughed and finally let his eyes slide open. He propped himself up and looked down at her, and kissed her. "I hate cop funerals," she said, finally forcing herself to sit up.

"We all do."

"You gonna be okay today?"

"You mean cause of Misha? Yea I'll be fine. I'm more worried about you."

"Don't be. I'll be fine, too." They pulled on clothes and he walked her to the door. "I'll see you in a bit," she said.

"Yep. I'm gonna stop in on Bobby on my way," he said.

"If he's awake, tell him hi for me."

"I will." He kissed the top of her head. "Go."

He shut the door behind her and went to shower and dress. He got ready fairly quickly and headed over to the hospital. He was getting all too familiar with the faces there. He knocked on Bobby's door and let himself in. Bobby was watching the news.

"Good morning," Ed said.

"Morning," Bobby glanced over at Ed.

"How are you?"

"How do I look?" He grumbled, shifting his eyes back to the television.

"I can't stay...I'll come by later, though. I'll even bring Liv," he said in hopes of getting a smile from his friend.

"Do what you want."

Ed sighed. "See ya later then."

He left and made his way to the cemetery where the funerals would be held. As he parked and walked the path to the large group of people, he reminded himself that he hadn't been to see Misha in a long time. He'd go later that day.

"Ed," a voice called. Ed looked up and saw Joe standing to one side with Van Buren and a lot of others from the 2-7. He went over and joined them. No one really spoke, they just quietly waited for it all to begin. There were so many cops there. From all the affected precincts, and others who were there to support their brothers and sisters. Ed raised his eyes and saw Olivia across the way standing with her crew. She met his eyes and gave him a slight nod, but not a smile. It wasn't a smiling kind of mood.

The precession started and the two caskets were led out, each being carried by the men and women from Mullins and Wilson's crew. Silence filled the air as everyone stood solemn. The sounds of the city faded in the background and all that Ed could hear were the quiet sobs of their loved ones. He looked over at the families. Mullins' wife and kid. Wilson's mother and father.

Words were said and the caskets sat in the middle of it all. The flags were folded and handed to the next of kin. Then the firing of the guns. Ed closed his eyes as chills shot through him and his skin jumped with each shot. He heard sobs getting louder. It wasn't fair.

"What next?" Ed asked softly.

"Reese, then Weiss, then Sloan," Joe replied.

"All of 'em today..."

"It's what the families wanted."

Ed shook his head. "Why do I feel like public enemy number one going to the rest of these?"

"Cause we shoulda stopped him before he got any more. We shoulda caught Wallce," Joe said, staring at the ground.

"Stop that," Van Buren said. "No one blames you two, so stop thinking it."

They stood back up straight as Reese was brought out. His family consisted of his wife and three daughters. Again, when it came time to fire the guns, Ed closed his eyes. The next one was just the same, just as sad. Then, lastly, they brought Sloan out. Ed glanced up and watched those that were chosen to, from SVU, carry the woman's casket out. Olivia wasn't one of them. She had already expressed that she couldn't do it. She had felt badly, but she couldn't do it. Ed's eyes moved to her across the way. Cragen stood by her side, which Ed was thankful for. Her eyes focused harshly on the ground, he could see her forcing herself not to cry, and he wished he could be there to comfort her as she had for him. That time, the shots took him by surprise and he really did jump.

When it all faded to a close, everyone slowly drifted from the cemetery. There was to be one big reception for people to pay their respects to the families, so Ed and Joe headed there. They had to push their way through the press in the parking lot, who were hungry for the hot story.

As Ed milled around the reception room, he came upon Eames and Logan. "Hi," he greeted them. They nodded. "Where's your partner?" Ed asked Logan.

"Around," Logan replied. "Though she's not my partner anymore. Seems she got to talking to Ashboro and she's taking something on with them."

"Really?" Ed asked. From the impression he'd gotten, she was perfectly happy out of the FBI. "Sorry, man."

Logan shrugged. "I'm used to musical partners."

Alex caught Ed's eye briefly and gave a slight nod to her left. Ed looked the way she guided him and saw Olivia standing at the side of the room, alone. He thanked Alex with his eyes and said, "I'm going to find the restroom, excuse me." He walked over to where Olivia was and stood beside her nonchalantly. "You okay?" He asked. She shrugged. He softly pushed her out into the hall and found a private corner and took her into his arms. "I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered.

"I hadn't seen her fiance until the funeral...it's not fair, Ed. They were getting married in four months. They were talking about adopting a child."

"It's never fair," he murmured as he rubbed her back.

"It coulda been me today...it coulda been Bobby..."

"Sssh, don't think that," he said, not wanting to think it himself.

She pulled from him slightly and ran her hands over her face. "I don't want to be here, I need to leave."

He wiped her damp cheeks and nodded. "I'll take you home."

"No...you should be here. The families...they'll want to talk to you."

"I can't," he said. "I can't face any of them."

She looked up into his eyes, then nodded. "I rode here with Elliott. Let me go tell him I'm leaving."

"I'll meet you at the car." He stepped back and let her leave, then he went back into the room to say goodbye to Joe.

"You gonna give condolences to the families?" Joe asked.

"How?"

"I don't know. I'm tempted to flee myself, but how do we not?"

Ed sighed. "Okay. Okay, let's go." They pushed their way to the opposite side of the room where all the families were at tables. It took a long time to get through, and it was hard, but they did it. And not a single person slapped them for not catching the sniper sooner. In fact, they were thanked. They didn't feel like they deserved it.

They walked out front afterwards and parted without much of a goodbye. They both were in their own places. Ed walked up to his car and found Olivia leaning against it, Elliott at her side. "Sorry," he said. "Me and Joe-."

"It's okay. Elliott saw so he came to keep me company," she replied. Elliott gave Ed a nod, and walked away saying goodbye. "Come on, let's leave," she said. Ed opened her door and shut it behind her, then got in the driver's seat.

"You want to go home? Go see Bobby? What?"

"Uhm...drop me home. I'm going to change and run an errand. I'll meet you at the hospital around five?"

He nodded. "Whatever you want." He drove her home and walked her up to her apartment. He hugged her tight again and just held her for awhile.

"I'll see you," she said. He waited for her to go into her apartment and shut the door, then he left. He wanted to change, but first he needed to see Misha. He realized on the drive there that it hadn't even been a week since he'd been. He thought it had been a couple weeks, but no...this had really all started only six days before.


	13. Twelve: World On Fire

**World On Fire**

"_We watch the heavens and I find a calling,  
something I can do to change this moment.  
Stay close to me while the sky is falling,   
don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone."_

_Sarah McLachlan _

Stepping up to her grave, Ed crouched down and brushed away the dead leaves and removed the old yellow rose, replacing it with a fresh one. He ran his fingers through the lettering on her stone, and sighed. He didn't know what to say. A part of him had to wonder where the year went, and another part of him felt it had been the longest year of his life. "I'm trying," he said softly. "I'm trying to be happy," he told her. "I'm worried about Bobby and his condition, and I'm angry that six cops died this week...and that I couldn't catch the bad guy...but Mish...I want to be happy. I think I am happy."

Somewhere in the city, Olivia was in another graveyard. She stood over the stone and just stared at it. She, unlike Ed, never spoke when she was there. She also rarely went. Only when she felt really lost or felt obligated. Her mother never brought her much comfort when she was alive, and things hadn't much changed. It hurt. She let herself cry, only a little bit, and stood there.

Ed went to Bobby's room at the hospital and let himself in. Olivia was already there, sitting by Bobby's side, and they were talking. They stopped quickly when they saw Ed had arrived.

"Hey," he bent over and kissed the top of her head, then patted Bobby's arm.

"Sorry about earlier," Bobby said.

"Don't worry about it," Ed replied.

"I saw the news. They filmed from the parking lot...you could hear the shots being fired...but that was about it. Then I saw you and Joe trying to get to your cars," Bobby said.

"Thank God they weren't at the reception," Olivia added quietly.

"Yea," Bobby nodded. "But they didn't hesitate in showing photo's of the cops."

"You okay?" Ed asked Olivia, noticing she was still out of it. She nodded, but didn't respond. "Where'd you go today?"

"To, uh...visit an old friend's grave," she lied. They had yet to talk about their families and it wasn't anything she was ready to do so yet.

He was a little surprised by that. "Who?"

"No one. Don't worry about it."

"Eames was here for awhile," Bobby changed the subject. Ed missed the look of thanks that Olivia shot to Bobby.

"What did Dr. West-"

"Can we save that conversation for tomorrow?" Bobby asked.

"Of course," Olivia answered for Ed.

"We'll just hang out. Watch some TV," Ed told him. Ed left the room to find another chair, and brought it in with him. He sat next to Olivia and propped his feet up on the corner of Bobby's bed. Olivia lay her legs across Ed's lap as he flipped on the television. "What should we watch?" He channel surfed, waiting for someone to tell him to stop.

"Ooh, leave it here," Olivia said, tapping his chair.

"No," Ed and Bobby said at the same time.

"Liv, we are not watching _Sex and the City_," Ed said, changing the channel.

"It's good!" She defended.

"Here we go," Ed said.

"No, I draw the line at _South Park_," she rolled her eyes.

"Me too," Bobby agreed. Ed changed the channel.

"Wait, go back," Bobby said. "Let's watch this."

"Fine with me," Ed said. They both looked at Olivia who glanced at the TV then at the two men.

"Really? You two want to watch this?" She asked. They nodded, and she added, "Of course we can watch it, I love _Dirty Dancing_."

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner," Bobby and Ed said with the movie. Olivia stifled a laugh.

When the credits began to role, Bobby yawned. "You two can go home, I'm ready to sleep."

"You sure? I can stay the night if you want," Ed offered.

"No, you've got better places to be. Goodnight to both of you."

Ed patted Olivia's legs and she moved them from his lap. "Okay, Iggy, I'll be by tomorrow," Ed said standing.

Olivia stood and stretched. "Sleep tight, Bobby."

"Same to you."

Olivia and Ed stood in the elevator, both tired and quiet. "So you coming home with me?" He asked.

"No...I think I'll go home. It's been a tough day."

"Yea, it has...so you coming home with me?" He smiled charmingly.

She couldn't help but return the smile. "I guess so, only if we can stop and get a pint of ice cream."

"You know it," he replied. The doors opened and they headed to their cars. "Tell me what kind to get and I'll meet you at my place."

"Mmm...chocolate chip cookie dough."

"A woman who knows her ice cream," he nodded. "Okay, see you in a bit. Here," he took his key off his key ring again. "Let yourself in."

"You got something I can change into?"

"Uhh," he thought. "Actually, yea. Check my bottom drawer, I should have some sweats in there. They'll be a bit big though."

"In other words, comfy." She smiled and climbed into her car.

They sat in his bed later on, having just finished their ice cream. "Tell me about your friend," he said.

She yawned and lay down. "What friend?"

He put an arm around her and let her lean against him. "The friend's grave you went to today. Was it a cop?"

"No."

"Who?"

"Uhh...my mom."

He looked down at her. "What?"

"Yea, it was my mom."

"You never told me...I'm sorry, Liv."

"It's okay. We weren't really that close. It's been a couple years now, and I'm over it."

"Yea but-"

She closed her eyes. "Come on, turn the lights out and let's go to sleep."

He did as he was told, and lay down beside her. "Is there anything you want to do tomorrow?"

"Sleep in. Then I have errands."

"Okay," he replied. No one spoke again, they just fell asleep.

On Monday, bright and early, Ed made a quick stop to see Bobby. "How ya feeling?"

"Like I've been poked and prodded for days without result."

"They'll figure it out, B."

"You're beginning to sound like a broken record." Bobby closed his eyes, indicating that the visit was over.

"I'll try to come by at lunch," Ed said, feeling defeated. It was a gamble visiting Bobby. Either the guy would be in a good mood or a bad mood, and it changed so quickly. Ed couldn't be mad, though, he just wished he could do something more.

He went on to the 2-7 and found Joe already there at his desk. "Morning," he greeted his partner.

Joe looked up and nodded. "Good morning."

"How'd the end of your weekend go?" Joe shrugged. "You okay, man?"

Joe sighed and set his pen down. "Look, I'm gone at the end of this week. Let's not make anything of it."

"Gone? What do you mean gone?"

"I mean I'm retiring."

"Why?"

"Were you here last week?"

"Come on, Joe. At least take some time to think-,"

"Ed. Last week I was running around hiding from a sniper out to kill us. Your buddy Goren's laying paralyzed in the hospital. On Saturday we saw six cops being buried. I can't do this anymore, I'm not ready for that to be me."

"I get that you're scared, but-,"

"I'm not scared. I'm old and tired. I'm going to go on an oldies cruise, and buy a track suit and get fat. Okay, so maybe not the last two.."

Ed smiled at that. "You'll be bored in a month." He shook his head.

"Did you give Briscoe a hard time like this when he retired?"

"No. I respected Lennie," Ed grinned.

Joe laughed. "You just wait til you're the old man, or worse, til they stick you with a new kid."

"Never gonna happen," Ed said. "Lieu will make sure I get another old white guy to keep me in line."

Joe grinned. "Retiring is worth it just to see who you get."

Ed stopped in to visit Bobby at lunchtime on Tuesday. He had to wait while Bobby finished his Physical Therapy, then he went in.

"Hey Iggy, how's it goin?"

Bobby smiled at him, which was something Ed hadn't seen much of lately. "Watch this," Bobby said. He grabbed onto the bar hanging over his bed and pulled himself up. He held on for a moment, then started shaking and eased himself down. He was breathing hard and a drip of sweat crossed his brow, but he was grinning.

"That's great," Ed grinned. "Build up those guns, man. You've got a hot nurse to fight off."

Bobby laughed and shook his head. "I doubt it."

"Doc says your internal injuries are healing fast."

"So I'm told. Breathing is easier."

"And word on the surgeries?"

Again, Bobby sighed. He was quiet for awhile, then spoke. "I don't think there will be any more for a bit. Westmoreland says my body needs a break or else another surgery could be real risky."

"It'll give them time to look for more options."

"I know."

"Keep positive. I gotta get back to the desk, see ya later."

That night Olivia met Ed outside Bobby's hospital room and they went in. "Bobby," Olivia grinned and gave Bobby a hug.

"I love when you do that," he said sweetly. His mood had been pretty good all day.

She laughed and Ed rolled his eyes. "You sure you picked the right cop?" He asked her.

She gave him a smile. "Yes, stop being jealous."

"Yes, Ed. Stop being jealous. When Liv and I have our affair, you won't see it." Bobby teased.

Ed started to say something, but Olivia held out a bag to Bobby. "Ed told me that your Physical Therapy is starting off well, so I got you a gift." She placed the bag on his chest and let him peek into it.

"_Family Guy_ DVDs!" He exclaimed.

"You got me hooked. And it will give you something to do."

"Thank you," he said genuinely. "Ed, now I really will have to have an affair with her."

"Hands off," Ed replied.

"Like I'd get far anyway," Bobby joked, nodding to his legs. Ed and Olivia didn't laugh.

"Okay, let's watch at least one episode. We have to," Olivia changed the subject, and opened the DVDs.

Afterwards, the two left Bobby alone to get some rest and walked outside. "You hungry?" He pointed to a diner.

"No, I just want to go home. I'm exhausted."

"Your place or mine?"

"I want to go home and sleep."

"We can sleep in my bed."

"Okay."

"Okay," he replied.

When they got back to Ed's place he threw together a quick meal of mac & cheese. While he cooked, Olivia took a shower. She came out in his old NYPD sweats that she had pretty much claimed by then. She pulled a beer from the fridge.

"I bought some wine yesterday if you'd prefer," he told her from the stove.

"You bought me wine?" She cooed putting a hand on his hip and standing beside him.

"Well, yea. I'm trying to make this place more woman friendly."

"Plan on me being here a lot?"

He shrugged and turned off the stove and went to pour her a glass of wine, which he traded with her for the beer. They took their food to the couch and sat down. Olivia curled up next to him with her legs leaning in his lap, facing him. He watched her while they ate.

"What?" She asked.

"I like this. Sitting around after a long day, having dinner with you."

"Me too," she replied.

"How'd that case go?"

She shrugged. "We got the bad guy...I guess that's what matters."

He brushed her hair away from her mouth. "Sometimes I feel so lucky that my vics are dead. Horrible as that sounds. I just don't know how you do it."

She put her empty plate down, took his and set it down, and picked up her wine glass. "I don't know either...it's..." she shook her head.

He smiled at her and ran a finger over her cheek. "Your strength amazes me."

She set her fingers against his chest, and drummed them over his heart. "You amaze me right back." He leaned in to kiss her, and she kissed him back slipping her hand on his cheek.

"Be careful," he said in breaks between their kisses.

"Of what?" She whispered.

"Me," he replied.

She pulled back and looked at him, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. She nudged his chin so that he'd look her in the eye, and he did. "Why would you sat that?" She asked gently. She saw a darkness to his already dark eyes, then it was pushed away and his gaze softened. He forced a reassuring smile to his lips.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Why would you say that?" She asked again.

His fake smile faltered. "Because I like you," he finally replied.

"And?"

"And I'm worried you don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"Neither do you, Ed. That's the beauty of new beginnings."

He nodded. "Forget I said anything, okay? Let's just get some sleep." He stood and pulled her to her feet.

She held him still before he could pick up the dirty dishes. "Hey," she said. He stopped and looked down at her. "I'm not scared." He nodded, but didn't respond. She let go of him and while he took the dishes to the kitchen, she went and crawled into bed. When he joined her, he wrapped an arm around her tightly and she turned to face him. He pressed a kiss on her forehead, then they both lay there until they fell asleep.

The alarm went off too early. It went off at the same time it always did, of course, but that morning it felt too early. Ed hit the snooze and curled back around Olivia. Her legs were wrapped through his and her hand was lightly pressed to his chest. He opened his eyes and watched her still sleeping body. His eyes gazed over the features of her face and her hair...he tightened his arm around her. She stirred.

"Mmm, I hate your alarm," she said sleepily.

"Me too."

She made an unhappy groaning noise and burrowed her face into his chest. "Let's skip work today."

He pushed her hair back from her forehead and nuzzled his lips to her skin. "I wish I could."

She turned her face upwards and caught his lips with her own. His fingers held her chin. "Okay," she mumbled. "We'll just be late."


	14. Thirteen: Let It Be

_AN: okay people, new chap. I've got all my chaps edited now, it's just a  
matter of fixing the changes in the computer, then loading them. So within the week, I'm thinking it will all  
be up. I'll try. Enjoy. _

* * *

** Let It Be**

"_Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be;  
there will be an answer, let it be."_

_  
The Beatles_

It was Friday morning and Ed was sitting at Bobby's side on his usual pre-work visit. Ed was feeling grumpy and sat impatiently while the doctor finished the early morning check-up. Ed didn't expect his day to go well. To start things off, Olivia had a really bad case the night before and was at work all night, and so she didn't stay over at his apartment. Therefore, he woke up alone. Then he was faced with what he had been trying to pretend wasn't true all week. Fontana's last day. He wanted to act like it didn't matter to him, like he didn't care either way, but he did. In the short time they'd been partner's they had become friends and Joe had been there for Ed over the past year, and Ed wasn't ready to loose that. Not to mention they worked together well. He didn't want a new partner; someone new to warm up to, someone new to trust his life with, and someone new he'd have to learn to get along with. He just wasn't ready. He'd had enough change in his life that year. And in his already down mood, his thoughts had been with Misha all morning. It didn't make sense to him, though. He'd been separated from her for six years, and he felt like he shouldn't miss her so much. But he did. He always had. And despite his recent good feelings with Olivia in his life, he still had the horrible reminders of the way he failed Misha.

He raised his head to Bobby, as Dr. Westmoreland left the room. "Morning," he finally greeted his injured friend.

"Morning. You okay?" Bobby asked.

Ed shrugged. "Just gonna be one of those days."

"Westmoreland has some news...can you stick around a bit?"

"Of course."

They waited in silence for the doctor to step back into the room. When he did, he shut the door and stood before them with a smile. "Well, Bobby, the past couple days we have been looking into alternative surgeries while you've been resting, and I'm pleased to say we have found something. There's an operation that can be done, it's very new."

"What's the catch?" Bobby asked.

The doctor hesitated. "It's a very risky surgery. It's only been done a handful of times, and it's something that I, nor anyone in this hospital, has ever done. However, there is a surgeon in Chicago who has performed this three times, twice successful."

"And when you say twice...?" Ed asked.

"Unfortunately, one of his patients did not make it through. But it was one of the first times it had ever been done, and the procedure's been changed slightly. Aside from the obvious risks, there is the chance it will not work. Of all the times this has been done in the country, only a third of the patients have had complete recoveries. Others have shown improvement, one was healed but lapsed and is now paralyzed again."

"So you're saying that either I'll die, I won't be fixed, or I'll be fixed and chance losing it all?"

"This is no easy choice, Bobby. I want you to take the weekend to think it over. If you agree to it, we will fly Dr. Nolan in on Monday or as soon as you decide it."

"Other than dying, can I end up worse than I am?"

"Yes. There is the slim chance that something could go wrong. There is always that chance. But Dr. Nolan is a precise man, he's good at what he does. If something did happen, and you lost control of your arms or neck, there will still be a life for you."

"And if I don't have the operation? If I...let it be. When could I get out of here? Get back to work?"

The doctor sighed. "I couldn't say for certain, but I would say don't expect to be released at least for two more weeks. Then you would continue your PT as an outpatient, and you'd have to be on bed rest for a couple weeks. Then after all that, we'd see about getting you back slowly into the job. You have to realize, though, that you'd be in a wheel chair and...and you'd have a desk job. You'd be off the field."

Bobby's eyes slammed shut at the unthinkable. He couldn't form words to reply. "Hey," Ed jumped in. "You don't have to decide this today."

"Listen to him, Bobby. I'll come by later on today after you've had time to process this, okay? We'll talk about the surgery more and I'll bring you some more technical facts on it. If you'd like we can set up a satellite call with Dr. Nolan, whatever you need to make this decision.

"What would you do?" Ed asked the doc.

"I don't know...I'd be scared...but I think I would try." With that, he left the room.

Ed looked at Bobby, who was still laying with his eyes shut. "You okay?"

"I don't like taking risks," Bobby answered through gritted teeth. "I like to be in control of my life."

"You don't have to risk it, Ig."

And finally, the words running through Bobby's mind for the past week came from his lips. "Then who am I?" He opened his eyes and turned to Ed. "If I don't have my legs...if I'm not the cop I've always been, then _who the hell_ am I?"

"You will always be the same cop," Ed pulled himself closer to Bobby. "You know as well as anyone that your greatness comes from your mind. Your legs may not work, but your mind does. You will still be an amazing cop."

"And when my mind's not enough? When the bosses give up on me? Then what? My badge...it's all I've ever had."

Ed studied his friend quietly for awhile, then shrugged. "Then you'll have your friends We'll be here."

"It's not your job," Bobby muttered returning his eyes to the window.

"No, it's not. And it wasn't your job to clean me up after Misha died. But it's what family does for each other." Bobby nodded, but didn't turn back to Ed. "You want me to leave you?" Again, Bobby nodded. "Okay, I'll be at work. Call if you need anything."

With heavier thoughts than what he arrived with, Ed left the hospital and headed for the 2-7. His cell phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Olivia. "Hey," he answered.

"Hi," she sounded exhausted.

"You get any sleep last night?"

"Elliott and I took turns getting an hour in the bunk. No time for more than that."

"You get any progress?"

"Some, yea."

"Stay strong."

"I will, I just needed to hear your voice."

He smiled for the first time that morning. "Yea?"

"How's our boy?" She asked. Ed quickly broke down the developments to catch her up. "Wow," she said when he finished. "I don't think I could even make that decision."

"Me either."

"Okay well let me hang up and call him real fast before I have to get back into all this. I'll try to talk to you later. I know today sucks, but try to have a good one okay?"

"You too." He hung up his phone and continued on to work. When he got there, Joe was already at his desk. Ed smiled. He really hoped he wouldn't have to start arriving earlier. "Man of the hour," he said approaching his desk.

Joe glanced up. "Don't give me shit today."

"Who me?" Ed grinned.

"Can we just work today?"

"Yea, just don't get too caught up in all the things you're gonna miss about me."

Joe snorted a laugh. "Right."

He was glad the day was getting closer to ending. He was just...tired. Leaving work that day was hard, but he knew he'd see Joe around. In fact they already had plans to meet for drinks in a couple weeks when they could schedule it. Mostly, Joe wanted to find out all about Ed's new partner. Ed wasn't even sure who his new partner would be. Before he had left he had asked Van Buren.

"Who you bringing in Lieu?" Ed had asked, loosening his tie.

She looked up at him, in obvious annoyance. "Seeing as how they didn't approve my request, I wouldn't know. I'm expecting a call before I leave tonight."

"Okay, okay," he stepped back. "Will you call me this weekend and fill me in?"

"I will, go on home Green."

So he had no clue who his new partner would be. He pushed it all away as he stepped into Bobby's room. Bobby was watching the news and Eames was at his side reading a magazine.

"Hey Bobby, hey Alex," he said. They both looked up.

"Hi Ed, how are you?" Alex asked.

"I'm good, you?"

She shook her head. "Ready to strangle Logan."

"Logan?"

"Yea, Deakins put us together for the time being since Barek's gone and Bobby's in the hospital." She rolled her eyes.

Ed laughed, "He's not so bad, is he?"

"No," she reluctantly admitted. "Just not my flavor."

"You doing okay Bobby?" Ed asked. Bobby didn't respond.

"He's not been too talkative this evening. We talked about the operation some, but he's still thinking it all over," Alex said.

"Good, take your time with it."

"Right," Bobby spoke up. "Do I stay this way or let them keep cutting me up?"

"Bobby, you gotta keep-" Ed started but was cut off.

"No! Ed...stop telling me to be positive, alright? I've been in three different surgeries! One of which, I nearly died on the table! I'm not optimistic and I am sick of you and everyone else telling me to be. None of you would be optimistic in my place."

"What is it you _want_ me to say? Huh? That you should lay here everyday and pity yourself because your legs are dead? _You_ are still alive!"

"I know that," Bobby muttered.

"Then tell me what I'm allowed to say, because all I ever get is your attitude."

"Just leave, Ed. No one is forcing you to be here. Go be with Olivia, or whatever, but don't sit around here."

Ed stood with a nod. "I will. At least she doesn't get pissed off with me every time I speak." He went to the door. "Watch what you say to Alex...you don't get a lot of visitors, you don't need to be scaring her off." He left the hospital, feeling like his day needed to be over already. He was fed up, plain and simple.

When Ed got home, he changed into an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Just as he tossed a frozen pizza into the oven, a knock came at the door. He walked out and opened the door to find Olivia on the other side. She stepped in and leaned against him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Hey," he greeted. She didn't say anything. "Tired?" She nodded. "Hungry?" She shook her head. "Okay, come on." He pulled her inside and closed the door behind her. Then he sat her down on the couch. "Wait here," he told her. He went to the bathroom, turned on the water in the tub, and began filling it up. He searched under the sink until he found an old bottle of bubble bath. He wasn't sure where it had come from, exactly. An old girlfriend of Bobby's, maybe. He squeezed some into the tub and walked back out to the living room. He took Olivia's hands and pulled her up. "Let's go." He took her into the bathroom. "Just relax for awhile, okay?"

She nodded. "Thank you."

"How about something to drink? Juice? Wine?"

"Wine would be wonderful."

"Wine it is. I'll be back." He kissed her quickly, and left her alone. He checked on the pizza, then poured her wine. He poured one for himself, as well. He took the two glasses to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Coming in," he said gently. He pushed his way in and found her looking completely out of it in the tub. He smiled. "How is it?" Her lips turned up into a smile and she nodded. He sat down beside the tub, facing her. "Here."

She opened her eyes and took the wine he was handing her. She sipped at it and watched him. He had an arm leaning on the side of the tub. "Your day okay?" She asked.

"Not so great, but it all went away when you got here."

"Yea?"

"Yea," he sipped his glass. "How'd the case go?"

"It sucked." She sighed and set her wine down on the side of the tub. He turned his free hand palm up and she set her hand in his. "We arrested the guy finally, but Novak isn't sure that she can hold him on what we got. Munch and Fin are working late tonight and Elliott and I are heading in early tomorrow. I can't even think anymore, I am so tired."

Ed squeezed her hand. "How's the kid?"

"Not good. She still won't talk to me or Elliott or Casey...I just don't know what to do."

"Hmm, how about rest tonight and start with a clear head tomorrow?"

"Sounds good," she closed her eyes. Unable to resist, he put his wine down and swiped some bubbles into his hand and brushed them onto her nose. She opened her eyes and gave him a look. He grinned at the cuteness of it. "What's that for?" She asked.

"To make you smile."

She laughed and grabbed some bubbles and threw them into his hair. "Now see, that makes me smile."

He let go of her hand and used both his hands to grab more bubbles and put them on top of her head. She flicked some water at him, getting him in the face. She laughed some more and he gasped. "That's not fair." He smushed more bubbles into her face.

"Ack! My eyes!" She screeched.

He stopped fast. "Oh shit, I'm sorry." He grabbed a washcloth and leaned over to wipe her face, and as soon as he did, she splashed a wave of water onto his front. She fell into pieces with laughter, and it took him a moment to realize he'd been had. "Oh, think you're funny?" He asked. She nodded. He glanced down at the tub than back at her. "Baby, your bubbles are disappearing fast." He raised an eyebrow and slid his hand into the water over her leg.

"So that's what this is about...you made me a bath just to get some?"

"No...no I can get some whether I make you a bath or not." He gave her a sexy smile and slid his hand up her leg. "You can't resist me."

"Oh?" She asked. "See, I thought it was the other way around."

He pushed himself up and leaned over her for a kiss. She held onto his shirt, slowly pulling him down to the water. Before she could, though, the smoke alarm blared. Ed cursed under his breath and ran from the bathroom. Olivia got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around herself, then let the water drain out. She went to Ed's room and pulled her sweats from the top of her duffel bag. She loved those sweats. Not just because they were his, but because they were very comfy. And even though she had the same sweats in her closet at home, these were so much better.

Ed walked into the bedroom. "Well, dinner's inedible."

"I wasn't hungry."

"I was. But it's okay. I have left over s'getti-o's," he grinned and held out the bowl.

"It's all yours."

"I wasn't planning on sharing." He leaned against the wall and took a bite of his dinner. "Done with the bath already? I thought we were in the middle of something."

"I wasn't planning on sharing," she shot back with a smile.

He raised an eyebrow and put his food down, "What was that?" He took a step to her.

"You going deaf?"

He bit his bottom lip and shook his head. "You have a smart-ass remark for everything?"

She nodded. "Just about."

He stepped up to her and took the sweats from her hand and tossed them to the floor. "Now see...you don't need those." He hooked his finger between the top of the towel and her skin and slowly ran his finger across her chest. "Or this," he added as his finger reached where she had tucked the towel over, holding it on.

135


	15. Fourteen: Never Felt This Way

**Never Felt This Way**

"_Baby just hold me, simply control me,  
because your arms they keep away the lonely."_

_Alicia Keys_

The following Tuesday, Ed and Olivia got up and quickly got ready for the day. "I'm sorry I can't take a personal day," she said to him. "This case-."

"It's cool. Bobby will understand. The only reason I'm getting one is cause my new partner doesn't start til tomorrow and I'd be on paperwork today."

She planted a quick kiss on his lips as she clipped her badge to her hip. "Call me as soon as you know anything."

"I will. Wait, take my key again. Just in case you need to drop by here. I may need you to come home and grab clothes for me if I stay at the hospital tonight."

"What if you need it?"

"I've got Bobby's key. And it'll make things easier if you hold onto it while Bobby's in the hospital."

She fingered the key and glanced up at him. "Should I see deeper meaning in this?"

"No. It's just a piece of metal."

"Okay," she put the key in her pocket and kissed him again. "I really wish I could be there for Bobby..." She sighed.

"He's gonna be fine."

"You don't know that."

"It's called hope."

"Right...okay...you swear you'll call me?"

"I promise. Go to work." She nodded, and left. Ed finished getting ready and then went to the hospital.

When he got to Bobby's room, Alex and Mike Logan were outside the door. "They're putting him under soon," Alex said.

"You two see him already?"

She nodded. "They're waiting on you."

Ed knocked on the door and the nurse let him in. He went to Bobby's side. "Hey Iron Giant."

Bobby looked up and smiled. "Hi."

"Olivia couldn't come after all. She's sorry."

"It's okay." Bobby sighed. "I'm scared."

"I know you are, but Dr. Nolan seems to know what he's doing."

The doctor had arrived the day before and had a long meeting with Bobby. Ed and Olivia had been by and had the chance to meet him as well. "Hey listen...if...if something happens-," Bobby started.

"No, don't even try-."

Bobby grabbed Ed's sleeve. "Listen! If something happens, you need to look after my mom okay? If my brother won't...I need someone I can trust, Ed. She...she's okay around you...I just need to know that someone will take care of her."

Ed sighed and nodded. "I will. But nothing will happen. You're gonna be fine."

Alex and Mike came in and the three stood around while the nurse injected drugs into Bobby's arm. "Okay Detective, ready to go for a ride?"

"Sure," Bobby said. "No turning back now."

"See you on the other side," Alex said.

"We'll be waiting," Ed added. They all watched as Bobby was wheeled from the room. Ed looked over at Alex. "You staying?"

"No, we've got to run. Call me when you know something, I'll try to come by at lunch."

"We both will," Mike nodded.

"I'll be here." Ed sighed and sat down.

"You've got a long wait. You should go to work for awhile," Alex suggested.

"No, I want to be here in case anything happens."

Alex patted his arm. "Nothing will happen. They're gonna fix him."

"I know," he said. "They have to."

Ed was on his fourth cup of coffee when his cell rang. "Green," he answered.

"How's it going?" Olivia asked.

"So far, good. They just told me that everything is going fine, no problems."

"How much longer will they be working on him?"

"A couple more hours, I think."

"Did you have lunch?"

"Yea, Alex and Mike brought me some."

"Okay...talk to you later?"

"Yes," he said.

"Bye Ed," she said before hanging up. He sat back and put his feet up, waiting.

After a long wait, Bobby was wheeled back into his room in one piece and still asleep. Ed waited longer until Dr. Nolan came in. He stood and greeted the doctor. "So?"

"No complications, everything went smooth. We'll see when he wakes up."

"Can you do sensory testing to find out now?"

"We did, but there was no improvement. I'm not worried, though, there are never immediate signs. He'll wake up later and we will see."

"Is it something we'll know right away?"

"If we did repair him successfully, then his feeling should grow back gradually over the next 24 hours. I expect him to be wiggling his toes by Thursday," Dr Nolan smiled.

"I hope so," Ed replied. "Thank you, Doctor."

"I'll come back when he wakes up. Until then, just hold tight."

When the doctor left the room, Ed started making his phone calls to let everyone know how it had gone.

It was Wednesday night and Bobby had yet to show signs of improvement. Dr. Nolan assured them it meant nothing, and he was still betting on recovery. Bobby was giving up.

Ed had spent the day with his new partner, Nina Cassidy. She was a new detective and so far, Ed wasn't happy to be working with her. He pushed it all away, though, in order to be good company to Bobby. He had stayed over the night before too, and Bobby had woken up around 1AM. He had slept on and off since, and hadn't smiled once.

The two had been watching Bobby's Family Guy DVDs to pass the time. Ed turned the television off. They had been watching the discs all night. At least Ed had. Bobby had snoozed on and off all night. Now Bobby was awake, but he wasn't watching the TV, so Ed decided it was chat time.

"How ya feelin' man?"

"I'd say I feel like I've been shot, but since I still can't feel anything below my shoulders, what do I know?" Bobby slowly wheezed out.

Ed didn't know what to say. "Don't say that, Bobby. You're gonna heal."

"Right." He sighed and remained silent for a few minutes, then he turned and looked up, dejected. "What am I going to do with out my legs?"

"You'll have your legs. You heard Dr. Nolan...give it time. Maybe we'll even get your hottie-nurse to make house calls." He got a small smile out of his friend at the last remark. "Though if you're past that, Liv knows a paramedic that's into you. If I remember correctly she said you were...'hotter than Brad Pitt and a Hershey bar in August.' Now I don't know what the hell that means, but Liv says it's good."

"You sure this woman isn't crazy?"

"I haven't met her, but you're right...she'd be crazy to go after you."

"Tell you what," Bobby paused to cough and breathe in deeply. "Once we get me home and find the right size adult diapers and a motorized wheelchair, I'll call her up."

"Quit that."

"Okay then, I'll take her out without the adult diapers, make it interesting."

Ed shook his head and looked away from Bobby. He couldn't begin to understand what his friend was feeling, but he wished Bobby would hold on to hope. "You hungry?" He asked after awhile.

"No."

"Thirsty?"

"No."

"Want to watch another episode?"

"Doesn't matter."

Again, Ed sighed. He set another episode on play. The bedside phone rang, but Bobby ignored it, so Ed picked it up. "Bobby Goren's room."

"Hey," came a familiar and calming voice.

"Hey baby," he replied, a smile naturally forming on his lips.

"How's our patient?" Olivia asked.

"He's...well, nothing's changed and he's practicing his pessimism." He ignored a snort and eye roll from the bed.

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. Tell him we're all thinking of him."

"I will. I told him about your friend that wants a piece of him. He wants to know if she's psycho."

"No, she's cool. I'm telling you, you know her. Kennedy Oliver."

"Again, doesn't ring a bell."

"She was on the scene..._that_ day. She was waiting with Misha when Elliott and I arrived."

"Oh! Her?" He nodded to Bobby. "She's hot, buddy." Bobby ignored him, so he went back to his call. "Eh, we'll work on it."

"So no word on improvement?" She asked gently.

"No," he lowered his voice. "But it's just a waiting game."

"Does the doc seem at all hopeful?"

"He does, but it's his job isn't it?" He glanced at Bobby again, who looked bored and more annoyed. "Look, let me call you back in the morning okay? You should be sleeping and Bobby and I have a deck of cards to break in."

"And you? When are you gonna sleep?"

Ed eyed his friend. "I'm not worried about that."

"You're a good man."

"You keep saying that."

"It's true. Goodnight, Ed."

"Night, Liv." He set the phone down. "What?" He asked Bobby, who was giving him a look. "You wanna be crabby, then I'll talk to my girl...you wanna quit being crabby, then we'll chill."

"If I'm a good little boy will I get another milkshake tomorrow?"

"Yes, Bobby, only if you're good," Ed said as though he were speaking to a three year old. The two laughed and the mood finally seemed to lighten.

After a few card games Bobby fell into a deep sleep, and Ed let himself snooze off in the uncomfortable chair. He was awoken by a gentle nudge, and he looked up. Eames was standing over him.

"What're you doin' here so late?" He mumbled quietly.

"Just left work. Figured you'd be here and I'd let you off duty for awhile."

"No, it's good. You should go home and sleep."

"Ed, get your ass out of here already," she said with a slap to his shoulder.

"Yes ma'am." He pulled himself from his chair and slumped out.

When he got home he let himself in and slid out of his shoes. He walked into his bedroom and immediately noticed a lump in his bed. He smiled as he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the bed beside her. Feeling the bed shift, she turned over. "Hey you."

"Hey," he replied, wrapping an arm around her. "Go back to sleep."

"I thought you were staying at the hospital tonight?"

"Alex showed up. I thought you were staying at your apartment tonight?"

"I like your bed better," she snuggled into him.

"I like any bed you're in better."

She chuckled into his chest, "Nice line."

He closed his eyes, letting himself relax into the warm bed. "It's no line. I've slept alone so much, I forget how nice it is not to."

"So any warm body will do?"

"Pretty much. Except Bobby...he's a bed-hog." He laughed when she slapped his cheek gently. "What is it with you women slapping me tonight?"

Olivia leaned up on her arm and looked down at him. "What are you doing with other women?" She tried to sound shocked, but she was smiling.

He opened his eyes to her and grinned. "Oh y'know, me and Alex were getting bored with Bobby sleeping and all and one thing led to another and well..." He shrugged.

"You better not have," she said, knowing he hadn't.

"Jealous?"

"No. I know I've got you wrapped around my finger."

"Do you?"

"Uh-huh." And before he could retort, she leaned down and kissed him.

When she pulled back he looked into her eyes and held her cheek in his hand. He ran his thumb across her cheek bone. "Yea..." he whispered. "Alex was better." That got him a twisted nipple and he cried out in pain and laughter. He snaked his arm around her and pulled her down against him. "Okay you win." He closed his eyes again. "If I weren't so tired I'd let you take advantage of me."

"If I weren't so tired..." She sighed, her eyes shut as well. "Well I guess I'd have a comeback." They both chuckled some more and settled in.

Ed pulled the blankets up tight and kissed the top of her head. "Night baby." He lay there thinking that he was in a much more comfortable place than that damned chair. He wanted to fall asleep, but he had trouble with it. It wasn't long before he noticed that she was sleeping. Despite his good mood around her, his thoughts were bothering him. He stared at the backs of his eyelids, thinking about Misha.

The following morning, he woke up long before the alarm went off. As comfortable as the bed was with Olivia beside him, he hadn't slept well. It was officially a year that day. His bad dreams he'd had so much over the year had not faded. They were about Misha. He hated them. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling in the unlit bedroom. His heart was beating so fast that he felt he had just run a marathon. He felt sweat dripping down his neck and his chest. He gave up on sleep and pulled out of the bed. Not wanting to wake Olivia so early, he got dressed, grabbed his wallet, and went into the other room. He sat down in the living room and pulled his photo of himself and Misha from his wallet. He stared at it as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He missed her. He missed her so much. All the memories that had haunted him the year before were falling onto him again. The air in the apartment was much too thick to breathe. He quietly went into the bedroom and jotted Olivia a quick note, then he left the apartment and headed to the graveyard.

He stood before the grave as the soft sun began to rise over his shoulder. He set down a whole bouquet of yellow roses and sat. "It's a lie to say everything's better," he said softly. "It's not...I can't..." he shook his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, hating what he was about to say. "I'd give it all up, Mish. My job...this...this thing with Liv. I'd give it all up to have those six years back with you...to save you." He lowered his forehead to his palm, his emotions feuding inside of him. "I let you die. I let it happen. I let that hideous man destroy you."


	16. Fifteen: Cannonball

**Cannonball**

"_Cause it's not hard to fall, and I don't  
wanna scare her. It's not hard to fall,  
and I don't wanna loose. It's not hard  
to grow, when you know that you just  
don't know."_

_Damien Rice_

When Ed finally went home, Olivia was waiting. "Hey," she said from the kitchen. She walked out and gave him some coffee. "Where were you?"

"Out," he said quietly. He took the coffee to his room where he could get ready for work, and she followed him.

"Are we going to see Bobby?"

"Can we not play this husband/wife game? I'd like to just get ready for my day. If you want to see Bobby, by all means, go see him." He continued getting ready.

"_What_ is going on with you?"

He ignored her, buttoned up his shirt, and grabbed a tie. As he looped it around his neck, Olivia walked around and stood in front of him.

"Ed." She studied him carefully, then it hit her. "Misha," she said. He knotted his tie and reached around her for a jacket. "I'm sorry, Ed. I didn't forget I just...forgot." He nodded and turned and left the room. She followed, again. "Don't be mad! It just slipped my mind, I'm sorry. It's still early in the morning."

He stopped and faced her. "Just drop it, Liv. This isn't about you, okay? I'm not mad at you, I'm just thinking about my friend. Get over yourself." He picked up his keys and phone and walked out the front door leaving Olivia to stand in a stunned silence behind him. She quickly got over it and locked the apartment up, then ran after him. She caught up at the car and climbed into the passenger seat. She took his hand from the key in the ignition and pulled on his arm.

"Hey, asshole, remember me? Not the enemy."

He looked at her briefly, then took his hand back and started the car. "Sorry," he said softly. He put the car into gear and drove to the hospital.

Bobby was sleeping when they arrived, and Alex had already left. Olivia spoke to the nurse while Ed stood out of the way in silence.

"He's been asleep all night. He woke around 3am, but nothing much had changed and he went back to sleep. His partner left a couple hours ago," the nurse explained. "We're just going to let him sleep as much as his body needs to."

"Okay. Someone will call Ed with news?" Olivia asked.

The nurse nodded. "Absolutely."

"Thanks, we're off then." She nudged Ed's arm. "Come on." Ed followed her out. "Okay, I'm gonna take a cab to work. You just be alone if that's what you need," she told him. He started to walk away, but she grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. "Damnit, Ed! You're pissing me off and you're worrying me."

"I can't be with you today," he finally said.

"Why not? Just let me be here for you."

"You can't."

"What was last year? Wasn't I there for you?"

He closed his eyes and opened them again. "I don't need you seeing me like this, and I don't know that I can control what I say today."

"Fine," she rolled her eyes and walked away from him before he could walk away from her.

His mood barely improved as the day went on. He didn't talk to Cassidy more than he had to, and she was starting to get annoyed with him.

"Hey! Green! Slow down!" She shouted, jogging after him as they left the M.E.'s office. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing's up," he replied. "You're going to have to learn to keep up with me."

"I sure hope you aren't always this pleasant," she muttered.

"And I sure hope you aren't always this annoying. Can we cut the talk and just do the job?"

"Whatever you say."

His mood was finally confronted when he made the mistake of talking back to his Lieutenant. She raised her eyebrows at him and shook her head. "Cassidy, give us a minute." Nina nodded and quickly left Van Buren's office, pulling the door shut. Van Buren crossed her arms at Ed. "What did you just say to me?"

"Nothing. Sorry."

"Go home, Ed."

"I don't-"

"Yes. You clearly do need a day off. I know it's a rough day for you, and I'd rather not do this on Cassidy's second day, but you're giving me no choice."

"I'm not leaving. I'm sorry, I'll be fine."

"You better be. I don't like this attitude. I know it's been a rough week what with your friend being in the hospital and you've been dealing with everything that happened last year...but you've still got a job to do."

"Okay," he nodded.

"Once more and I'm sending you home. No, once more and I'm sending you to Skoda. You weren't so bad to be around when you were seeing him."

For the rest of the day, he did his best to be more polite to everyone. He kept telling himself to. After all, this mood he was in had just come out of nowhere. No, that wasn't true. He had felt it coming on for days, but he'd ignored it. He was trying so hard to be happy around Olivia, since really she did make him happy. He was trying to be optimistic around Bobby, because he had to. Now, he just needed to be sad. His day ended early around 3, because they made an arrest and Van Buren was ready to get Cassidy out of her hair for the day. The two women weren't getting along too well yet. It was all fine with Ed, because he had things to do. He went to the hospital first to see Bobby.

"Hey," Ed said.

"Hi Ed. How are you today?" Bobby knew what the day was and it made Ed feel a bit better that he'd even asked.

"Not great. I'm getting through. How about you?"

"The grogginess of the operation has gone away finally."

"And...you feeling anything yet?"

"No," he said quietly. Silence filled the room for several minutes. "So how about you finally tell me how you did it?"

"Did what?"

"Johnson."

"What're you talking about?" Ed asked.

Bobby laughed and looked at him. "Come on, Ed. Cut me some slack. Let's go, tell the paralyzed man how you got to Johnson."

"Bobby, I didn't 'get to Johnson'."

"Then who did?"

"I don't know! He had a lot of enemies! No one's solved it yet."

"And it wasn't you? No one saw anything...the guards...saw nothing."

"I really resent you pressing this. Do I look like a murderer to you?" Ed gave Bobby a glare.

"Okay! Relax! I believe you." He dropped his head back. "I'd just like to know who did."

Olivia walked in and stopped in her tracks when she saw Ed. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

He looked over at her. "Left early," he explained. "You?"

"We've got a vic in the ER, thought I'd drop by," she said coolly. Bobby looked at the two and noticed right away something was up. He said nothing.

"Oh," Ed replied.

"I'll go."

"No, don't."

She studied him. "I thought you didn't want to be around me today?"

They both briefly forgot Bobby was even in the room. "It's not that I don't want to be around you, Liv...I just...my day started off bad and you were the first person I could take it out on. I'm sorry."

"I don't like being treated that way."

"I said I was sorry."

"I heard you. I just wish you would try talking sometimes. If you had told me in the first place that-."

"I _thought_ you'd remember," he said a little loudly.

"I didn't forget. I already told you, it slipped my mind. It was early. Why does it even matter?"

"Because.."

Bobby had tuned out the argument as they continued. "Guys," he finally said. They didn't notice.

"It matters."

"Oh, great answer there Ed."

"Ed...Liv..." Bobby spoke louder. He closed his eyes.

"Excuse me," Ed rolled his eyes. "I'm not-."

"Hey!" Bobby shouted. They jumped and looked at him. His eyes were clenched shut and watering.

"What?" Ed asked.

"My," he grimaced. "My hip...it hurts. Badly."

"Okay, I'll go get the-," Ed said, walking to the door. Then he stopped and slowly turned back to Bobby. "Wait, your hip?" Bobby nodded. Ed looked at Olivia and her mouth was hanging open. They both jumped to Bobby's side. "That's wonderful!" Ed said.

"Great Bobby!" Olivia put in.

Bobby nodded again, ignoring the stray tears that slipped down his face. "And as much as I want to celebrate...it's killing me...please..." he gasped.

"Yea, yea.." Ed fled to room to get the doctor.

Olivia stood by Bobby's side, grinning, and through his pain Bobby even had a little smile on his lips. He felt the pain in his hip. It was a shooting pain, almost like someone was sticking a giant needle into him. It was all he felt, but it was enough. He was thankful for the pain.

Dr. Nolan, a couple nurses, and an intern came back in with Ed. "Bobby, just hold still." He turned to Ed and Olivia. "Out." They nodded and went outside of the room.

They both paced the hall for a bit, unsure what to say to each other. Finally, Ed sighed and caught her and pulled her to his chest. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair.

"Me too." They patiently waited for the doctor to let them back in.

When they did go back in, Bobby was feeling a lot better. The doctor had given him very mild drugs, because he wanted Bobby to still feel what was happening. "In case I get more feeling back," Bobby explained.

"You will," Olivia smiled. "I'm so happy for you."

He smiled. "Thanks. I didn't mean to interrupt your fight back there."

"We weren't fighting," Ed spoke up.

"Of course not," Bobby rolled his eyes.

"I've got to run, but I will be back in a few hours," Olivia said. She looked over at Ed.

"We'll talk later," he said.

"You going to be here?"

"For now, yes."

She hesitated, wanting to say more, but gave up and left. Bobby looked at Ed. "What's that about?"

"It's nothing." He forced a smile on his friend and sat down.

He spent a couple hours at Bobby's side, but when Bobby took a nap Ed needed to get out for awhile. Plus he knew Olivia would be coming back to the hospital soon, and he wasn't ready to see her yet. He headed back to the graveyard to see Misha again. When he got there he noticed he hadn't been the only one that visited that day. There was a purple carnation sitting on top of the stone, as well as a small teddy bear propped up on the ground near his roses. He bent over and looked at the toy. There wasn't anything special about it. It was just a simple small bear. His initial thought was that it was from her parents. He really hoped so. He doubted it, but he hoped so. He couldn't guess who'd left the carnation.

"I hate autumn," he said. "You always leave me in autumn." He didn't have anything new to say, so he just sat for a long time. After awhile, he was sitting with his head down, and he felt a hand on his shoulder. He raised his head and saw Olivia standing behind him. Without saying anything, she bent down and put some flowers beside his roses. She stayed crouched down at his side, with her hand on his shoulder. He moved his hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. She stood up and held her hand out to him. He took it and stood beside her, and let her guide him out of the cemetery.

When they got out and started walking down the street she spoke up. "I'm over what happened today if you are."

"Okay."

Still holding his hand, she looked up at him but didn't speak. They just went back to the hospital.

"Right there," Bobby was saying, nodding to his stomach. "Go on." He closed his eyes, waiting on Olivia. She glanced at Ed, who nodded, so she did as was told and poked Bobby in the stomach. He grinned. "I felt it!" His eyes flew open and no one could resist not smiling back. "And there's a spot on my back that's been pins and needles for about an hour!"

"That's great," Ed nodded. "So, what, want another remedy?"

"Maybe later...right now I'm just enjoying...all of this. Alex is coming by soon, too."

"I'm sure we can call up some other people, make a party out of it," Ed offered.

Olivia jumped and grabbed her cell, "Oh! I can call Kennedy!"

"Who?"

She rolled her eyes, "Kennedy, your perfect girl?"

"Oh, the paramedic. Sorry, Liv, not today," Bobby said. "But wait, poke me again."

"I think you're just getting a thrill having my girl poke you," Ed said.

Ed and Olivia stood outside the hospital late that night. The small gathering in Bobby's room had been a nice little affair, but they were all kicked out. Bobby needed his rest if he was going to keep healing.

"So..." Olivia said.

"You mind if we go our separate ways tonight?" He asked.

She watched him for a moment, then shook her head. "That's fine. Will you call me if you need to talk?"

"Yea. I'll...I'll catch up with you tomorrow." He turned and left without more of a goodbye.


	17. Sixteen: Beautiful Disaster

_AN: Finally. Sorry guys, been trying to post this for days, but it wouldn't let me._

* * *

**Beautiful Disaster**

"_And if I try to save him, my whole  
world could cave in. It just ain't right  
It just ain't right. Oh when I don't know  
I don't know what he's after, but  
he's so beautiful. Such a beautiful disaster.  
And if I could hold on, through the tears  
and the laughter, would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster?"_

_Kelly Clarkson_

When he got home, he stood in the middle of the empty apartment. He wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. He'd wanted to be alone, and now that he was...he was lost. He went to the bookshelves that were filled with Bobby's books. One shelf, though, were Misha's poetry books. He ran his hand over the spines of the books slowly. He pulled down one, a compilation of Dylan Thomas poems, and took it to the couch. He opened it and stared at the words, wanting to read. But he couldn't. Instead, he just stared at them while his thoughts and memories spun through his mind.

With a resigned sigh, he shut the book and put it back on the shelf, then walked out the front door. No...he didn't want to be alone. He headed for Olivia's apartment, but took his time. He felt bad about the way he'd treated her that day, but he didn't know another way. He couldn't tell her things. He wouldn't.

He knocked on her door, and she let him in. Without words, they went to her couch and sat down. He looked over her coffee table. It was strewn with pictures, and she had a glass of wine sitting out. He picked up a picture and sat back, she leaned against him. Holding an arm around her, he stared at the photograph. It was old and worn. A picture of a small girl, no more than six, and a woman. Both were laughing and wearing fun, star-shaped sunglasses. "What's all this?" He finally asked.

She touched the faces in the photo. "Me. Mom."

"She's beautiful." She didn't say anything. "You look like her," he added. She nodded, without response. "You never talk about her or your childhood."

"I know."

He set the picture down and stretched his feet out onto the coffee table. "I'm sorry for today."

"We're fine," she assured him. The two sat quietly for awhile, just being close, and in their own thoughts. "Some days," she spoke out, "I feel so shitty that I end up sitting here with some wine and all these pictures and...I just try to remember. I try to remember her laughter."

"Was it just you and your mom?" He asked gently.

She tensed up and took a breath. She'd wanted to put the conversation off, but she also wanted to tell him. The weeks had been so wonderful in his company, and for once she had to not be afraid to be open with someone. "Yea...just the two of us."

"Why don't you remember her laughter?"

"Because it was rare. I have to remind myself that she was happy sometimes. I have to try and remember the times she'd look at me and just see _me_...and love _me_." He rubbed her arm as she spoke. "There was always something in the back of her eyes when she looked at me...even before I knew...I could see." She stared distantly at the picture.

"See what?"

"Sadness...fear. I'd watch her...look for him in me."

"Who? Your father?"

"You could call him that, but I never really had a father. Just..." she bit her lip, then jumped. "Just the man that raped my mother." Her heart slammed in her chest during the silence that followed. She couldn't look at him. He wasn't speaking. She wasn't unfamiliar with the silence afterwards, or the fear she was feeling at that moment. The fear of what would be said, or how he would respond to it. She'd made mistakes in telling certain people before...she couldn't take it if this was one of those mistakes.

She didn't realize how bad she was trembling until she felt him pull her up into his lap, and hold her, cradling her like a child. He held her head to his chest and dropped his forehead to the top of her head. His arms wrapped around her tight, as though he wanted to control her shaking. He said nothing. He just held her. And she started to cry. That's what got to her. The fact that he wasn't asking questions, or looking at her in disgust...he was just holding her. The few people in her life that knew...either they'd ask questions or want to solve the case, or they'd stop dating her because they couldn't see past it. One man, the last time she tried to make something real and lasting, he told her he could never have children with her and he left her. The only people it hadn't affected were a couple close friends at work. But still...they treated her differently. She hadn't even told Kennedy, who was her closest girl friend.

But Ed...he was rocking her in his arms and kissing her face...she met his eyes. He gave her a focused stare, then as if to show her that he didn't think anything different of her, he stole her mouth with his own and clenched her tight in his arms. In that moment, despite his flaws and obvious imperfections, she found him perfect.

When she had calmed Ed stood, carried her to her bed, and lay down with her, still holding her. They lay facing each other, watching each other. "I've never told someone that only 3 weeks into dating them," she admitted.

"Hey, I cried in front of you and were weren't even dating."

She smiled. "Yea, true."

He ran his thumb across her lips. "I don't know what to say here, Liv. So don't think I'm ignoring it."

"I'd rather you say nothing than say something artificial and meaningless."

"Was it hard? To be around your mom?"

"Yea. She was...never...well she was a drunk...and could get mean. I knew she loved me but...I think sometimes she tried to hurt him through hurting me. There were days I hated her and she hated me and we couldn't look at each other without screaming. And other days...she couldn't look at me at all and she'd kick me out of the house."

Ed lay on his back and concentrated on the ceiling fan. His thoughts strayed. "Do you ever think some people are destined to be bad parents?"

"I think we're all human and who we are affects the kind of parent we'll be," she replied. "Had my mother not been a victim of rape...she probably would have been an amazing mother. She had it in her, but she was very lost. For your theory to be right, it'd have been her destiny to be raped."

He sighed. "And had she not been...who would you be?" He turned his head and their eyes connected. "Would you still be you...laying here with me?"

Her hand found his cheek. "What are you really asking me?"

"I don't know." He faced the ceiling again, but her hand stayed on his cheek feeling the roughness of his stubble. "I'm just thinking...your mom, at least she had her own reasons...but what about Misha's parents? They were just...hard-working socialites who probably only had a kid to fit the mold. What are their reasons for screwing her up?"

"Maybe they had other problems. You don't know."

"They could have done better. Their only problem was that she was an inconvenience. If they had been different parents, she could have been someone. She was..." His hand covered his eyes, he didn't want to get emotional. "She was intelligent, and beautiful and...she saw the world like no one else. She...she could have been someone."

They were the same thoughts as always, and they would never go away. He would never stop thinking that things should have been different. He would never let go of the fact that he wasn't a good guy, and that he didn't know how to care for people and take care of them. And he would never allow himself to do it again. He wouldn't let anyone else down, not again. Which meant he had to hold back...from everything.

Olivia saw the internal tug of war going on inside of Ed. His hand was clenched over his eyes and he wasn't moving. She moved her hand from his cheek to his hand and she tried to pull it down. He resisted and held tight. She leaned up against him to get a better grip on his hand and yanked it off of his face. He let her, and opened his eyes to meet hers. She looked down on him.

"I'm on your side," she said. "I wish you'd get that. You don't have to worry about scaring me away." He pulled her face down and kissed her forehead, then moved his lips to hers. Between kisses she tried to get his attention back to the conversation. "Ed...Ed, I-"

"Baby," he whined in an aching tone, "I don't want to talk anymore today. Please."

"Okay," she whispered and met his lips again. "Okay, we'll stop talking." She flicked off the lamp and returned to his arms and slowly kissed him as his hands moved down her sides.

She lay in the silent darkness of her room as he held her and slept. He was, once again, flinching in his sleep and his breaths came out in sharp, incoherent words. She pressed her hand over his heart and closed her eyes, feeling the beat. It had felt so good to finally tell him more about herself, and to have him treat her...like she needed. He brought her comfort. She just didn't know how to return it. She didn't know how to fix him and make him okay. She knew she was probably only getting herself into trouble with him...but she couldn't not be around him. He made her happy. And she knew she made him happy, even if he resisted it. She focused on his heartbeat and let it clear her mind so she could fall into a deep sleep.


	18. Seventeen: Slide

**Slide**

"_Sometimes I feel like I am holding  
it together. Sometimes I feel like  
everything is fine. Something I feel  
Like I'm out of control ."_

_Everclear_

Olivia woke to the smell of food, and it smelled good. She yawned and sat up in bed, just as Ed came in to check on her. He smiled, "Good morning."

"Morning," she replied. "Whatcha doin' hon?"

"Mmmm, nothing," he grinned. He bent down and gave her a kiss. "Be right back." He scampered off and returned with a tray. He set it on the bed and sat down beside her.

"Breakfast in bed?" She patted his cheek. "So well trained."

"I try." He picked up one of the coffee cups and drank from it. Olivia picked up a bagel half and took a bite. "Bagels and eggs and bacon and orange slices," he reported, proud of himself.

"What a way to start my day."

"Glad I could help." He grabbed the remote for her small TV and turned on the _Today Show_.

"Ooh, even better. Starting the day with Matt Lauer. I tell ya, if I have to be up early enough to watch the _Today Show_ I'm glad I at least get to look at him," Olivia said.

Ed looked at her. "What? You think he's hot?" He glanced at the TV then back to Olivia.

"Well he's no George Clooney, but he'll do."

"Oh please!" He rolled his eyes.

"Oh please? Don't get me started on your hot-list," she laughed.

"My hot-list is flawless," he curled his lip at the TV.

"Aww, I think you're just jealous," she grinned.

"I don't need to be jealous."

She just shook her head and drank her coffee. "Besides, I didn't say he was hot, I said I like to look at him. There's a difference."

"Like Carlson isn't hot...I just like looking at her?"

"Toni Carlson? From Vice? You gotta be kidding me."

"Yea I am...cause she_ is_ hot."

"Sure," she said sarcastically. "Come on, there are much hotter women in this city than her."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow to her. "Do tell."

"In my opinion? I don't know, there's a few women that have real beauty...that don't look fake like Carlson," she pushed his arm. "Besides, don't think for a minute that I don't know about you."

"Know what about me?"

"Hey, cops gossip and women gossip...women cops?" She shrugged. "I've heard things."

"Like what?"

"Just different names of women around the badge and court that you've sweet talked."

"What can I say? They all want me."

"I guess I'm not one to talk..."

"Whoa...what?" He asked. She pressed her lips shut and shook her head. "No...you were saying?" He took her coffee cup from her and set it on the bedside table. "Who?"

"You really want to know?" She teased.

"Not one bit, cause I'd hate them." He grabbed the breakfast tray and set it on the floor.

"I wasn't done with that," she complained.

"Oh I've got better ways of getting a good start to your day." He turned off the TV and tossed the remote. "And they have nothing to do with Matt Lauer."

Ed walked into work feeling pretty good. The night before had been a mess, but that morning had been nice. It had been great. Just an easy, good morning without talk about Misha or anything serious. He needed more of that. He was at his desk and looked up as Cassidy walked in.

"Good morning, Nina," he said brightly.

She stopped and looked around a bit, then at him, then slowly went to her desk. She put her purse in one of the drawers and still kept an eye on him. "Uhh...good morning...Ed."

"How are you?"

"I...uh..." she looked around again. "I'm fine...how are you?"

"I'm good," he gave her a smile.

"Right..." she nodded a bit. "Someone slip something in your coffee today? Cause you're not the Green I've been working with the past two days."

He shrugged, "It's been a rough couple days. Coffee?" He went over to the coffee pot and poured two mugs of coffee and brought them back, then handed her one. She took it, but sniffed it before drinking any.

Olivia tried to focus on her computer, but unfortunately, her thoughts were straying. It was a good thing they weren't working on much of anything yet. The pictures from the DMV database slowly flashed past her, but she barely saw them.

"You okay?" A voice brought her back to earth and she jumped. Elliott was sitting across from her with a worried look.

"Yea, fine."

"Sure? You've been quiet all day."

"Just thinking," she said.

"About?" He pressed. "Anything to do with Gr-,"

She threw her hand up. "Ssh! Don't say his name," she said quietly. She looked around to make sure no one was listening.

"Sorry...okay, this have anything to do with 007?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, wondering where he came up with the things he said. "What?"

"What am I supposed to call him? Your boyfriend?"

"You could, but best not to his face," she muttered.

"Uh-oh. What's going on?"

"Oh just..." she shook her head. "It's complicated."

"Liv, really...what's going on?" He asked in a softer tone.

She rubbed her eyes and then looked at him. "We're just at a weird point, that's all. But we're great." Saying the words, and thinking of that morning, she couldn't stop the smile coming to her face.

Elliott watched her whole face come alive and glow. "Okay," he nodded, satisfied. "Just let me know when it's time to beat him up."

She laughed and threw a pen at him. "Back off."

"You up for drinks tonight?" He asked. "My weekend with the kids was canceled."

"What? Why?"

He shrugged. "Cathy asked if we could switch it for next weekend."

"I don't know. I'll have to see what I have going on."

Later, as the day began to wind down, her phone rang. "Benson," she answered.

"Hey, it's me," Ed said.

"Hi me. What's up?"

"I'm taking off for the day."

"What's the plan for tonight? Want me to meet you at the hospital?"

"I don't know...I think I'm gonna go visit Misha."

"Ahh," she paused. "Y'know...I could come along if you want."

"No," he said all too quickly. "I mean...no...I..."

She sighed. "Yea, I get it. Well in that case, I'm going out for drinks with Elliott. I guess we'll catch up later on."

"I could meet you guys after," he suggested.

"No, because I didn't invite you. I'll swing by and see Bobby before I go out, why don't you go after you see Misha."

"You're mad at me," he announced.

"I'm not mad."

"Yea you are."

"I'm not mad!"

"Okay, you're not mad. I'll talk to you later."

Ed hung up and sighed. As usual, he wasn't handling things right. What was new? He packed up for the weekend and headed out the door, without saying good bye to anyone. Maybe it would be wise to have a night off after all. He could go see Misha for awhile, then visit Bobby. He and Bobby could just hang out and watch TV. Some boys time. He nodded to himself, yea that'd be good.

"You're looking good," Ed told Bobby.

"I'm feeling good. Better than I have all week," he smiled. "I'm sore, and in pain, but it's great. There are still some numb spots and the feeling comes and goes in places, but it's improving."

"Any idea when you'll be able to get out of the bed?"

"My PT wants me to rest this weekend and then see how I feel on Monday morning. She says there's a possibility of getting up for a bit then."

"That's great."

Bobby nodded and went back to eating his "remedy" that Ed had smuggled in. He sipped from his milkshake. "So tell me what's going on with you and Olivia. Ever since the sniper case you two have been hip and hip, and you seem to be getting along real well...then yesterday...and now tonight she's not around."

Ed sighed. "I don't know, B. Yea things started out good and it's been a fun few weeks," he shrugged.

"But?"

"But what? Do we have to talk about this?"

"I'm just trying to catch up. Now that I'm in a good mood, I feel like talking."

"I like you in a good mood and all, but we don't need to talk about her."

"Don't screw it up, Ed."

"Ouch. How can you say that?"

"Cause I know you. You're stuck in your thoughts about Misha this week and probably pushing Liv away, it's a bad decision," Bobby pointed out.

"Y'know, if I wanted to talk to Dr. Phil I'd go sign up for his show. You don't know what's going on with me, so drop it. Me and Liv are just fine, we're taking a night off. That's all."

Elliott and Olivia sat at their usual table in their usual bar drinking their usual drinks. "You ever think our relationship is too routine?" Olivia asked, poking at the end result of the usual cheese fries.

"Yes, that's why it works," Elliott nodded. He finished the last of his beer and signaled to the waitress for a fresh one. "Okay, we've discussed me and my life. Your turn."

"There's nothing to discuss."

"Sure there is. You're happy."

"Am I?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Aren't you?"

She wiped her hands on her napkin, unable to pick at the fries anymore. "I am."

"Then why are you sitting in a bar with me on a Friday night?"

"Something about your charming personality and a feeling of pity," she gave him a smirk.

"Pity?"

"Either that or heartburn...can't tell."

"Nice," he laughed. "No, really. Tell me about you and Green."

She took a moment in silence to think, then she sighed and spoke, "He's good. He's," a smile came to her lips, "he's great. I mean...when I got to know him at first last year...it's when I began to like him. I was intrigued. And...things fell apart, I started dating otherwise...and now..." she shook her head and looked at her partner. "Now that I've been with him I've seen...I know this is so cliché, but I've seen what an amazing man he is."

Elliott listened carefully. "Then I ask again, why are you here with me?"

"Because yesterday was the anniversary of Misha's death and it's gotten him out of shape. He was picking fights over stupid things and we decided it'd be best to...I don't know. He's there, I'm here...you want to complain or enjoy my company?"

"I'll enjoy your company as long as you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"Good."

"So when are you gonna start dating again?" She asked, changing the subject.

"I am not drunk enough for that conversation."


	19. Eighteen: When She Believes

**When She Believes**

"_But nothing is as beautiful  
as when she believes...  
when she believes,  
when she believes in me." _

_Ben Harper_

Over the next week, Ed didn't see as much of Olivia as he wanted. She had come over that Saturday night and they had a good evening together, without any mention of Thursday and Friday. And there hadn't been anymore bickering, which was good.

Even so, once Monday rolled around they both got tied up with working their cases. They spoke on the phone that day, then saw each other briefly on Tuesday. Wednesday their visits to the hospital overlapped an hour, but then Olivia had to get back to SVU where she worked real late. Thursday night they were able to spend time together, and she stayed over at his apartment.

By Friday, Bobby was doing a lot better. He began his week with some stretching and exercises with his Physical Therapist, and on Wednesday he was up and walking. Even though it was only about three baby steps with a walker. So on Friday morning, when Ed was making his pre-work visit, the PT came by and helped Bobby out of bed.

"Okay Ed, I'd like you to take Bobby's left arm please," Dr. Wells said. Ed did as he was told and Dr. Wells took Bobby's right arm. "It's important for Bobby to know that you are supporting him both physically and emotionally," she said in a tone fit for a six year old. Ed nodded and Bobby bit his lip as he tried not to laugh.

"I'm supporting you, Iggy," Ed said in an over serious voice. Bobby giggled.

"Now, Bobby, we're not using the walker today. Let Ed and myself _be_ _your walker. _We've been working on your standing still, but now we're going to walk. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Bobby replied.

"Okay, good. Now take one step towards the door, all together." They all took a small step to the door, and Bobby grimaced in pain. "Good job! Ed, it's imperative that we give Bobby encouragement."

"Way to go!" Again, Ed over acted.

The three slowly but surely made their way to the door. "Do we want to go into the hall?" Dr. Wells asked.

"I'm not quite dressed for it," Bobby said.

"Okay, we can turn back now," Dr. Wells agreed. They all turned around and walked back. "And, one step towards the bed!"

"Learn that chant, Iggy, cause as soon as you get outta here we're getting you a date," Ed laughed. Bobby laughed as well. Dr. Wells wasn't as amused.

"Now Bobby, we've discussed the fact that it is _imperative_ that you wait until you're further down the road of recovery before you...ahem...over-exert yourself," Dr. Wells said.

"Right," Bobby nodded. They helped him back into bed and he was completely exhausted. "I'm ready for a nap," he announced.

"And I've gotta get into work. I'll see you tonight," Ed said, ready to be far away from Dr. Wells.

Bobby passed the day, like every other, by sleeping on and off and watching bad TV. One of his later naps was awoken by a hand on his chest. He smiled, just because he could feel it. He opened his eyes and saw Olivia smiling down on him.

"Ed's working late so I told him I'd come see you," she said.

"Mmm, I'd rather look at you anyway." He'd learned over the weeks that he could say just about anything he wanted while laying in that bed, and no one could hold it against him.

She laughed. "Thanks Bobby."

"And," she put a small paper bag on his empty food table and started emptying it. "I know Nurse Maya's been sponging you down, but...you're beginning to resemble Grizzly Man," she set out a razor and shaving cream. "I think you'd feel a lot better with a clean face. What do you say?"

He eyed the table. "Okay...just don't cut me."

"Oh," she waved him off and went to fill the water pitcher up and get a towel. Bobby studied her while she dampened his face and spread on the shaving cream. He was quiet while she worked, amused by the sheer determination her face held. When she was done, she patted his face down.

He took her wrist and held her still a moment, "Ed's lucky to have you."

She smiled. "Is he?" Bobby nodded. "Hmm...well...he's definitely got me," she admitted shyly. She cleared her throat, "All done." She turned and pulled a bottle from the bag and held it up to him.

"My aftershave."

"I stole it from your bathroom last night." She opened it up, spilled some between her palms, and patted his cheeks. She wiped her hands on the towel, then grabbed a comb and gently pulled it through his hair. "There we go," she stepped back. "Very handsome."

"Thank you." He watched her clean up. "You really think I fell for all that?"

"I'm sorry?" She stopped cleaning and looked at him.

He grinned. "Come on, Liv. You forget who you're talking to. I'm onto you."

She tried to hide her smile. "What do you mean?"

"You're not trying to butter me up and agree to meet your friend?" He raised his eyebrows.

She gave an exaggerated gasp. "Why, Detective Goren, do you truly think I'd stoop so low? I am hurt. I just thought you'd like a clean face."

He had to laugh. "Okay...okay. If I ever get out of here, I'll _meet _her. But I promise nothing more than that."

"I ask nothing more."

"Proud of yourself?"

"I am." She tucked the bag onto a shelf. "So when _do_ you get out?"

"Dr. Westmoreland says we'll talk on Wednesday. He has been keeping up with Dr. Nolan over the phone, and they're going to decide when is best. I think the requirements are being able to walk with crutches and go to the bathroom on my own."

"Well good luck with that," she said as Ed strolled in.

"Look at you," he said to Bobby. "Sharp." He went to Olivia and kissed the side of her face. "Hey," he whispered into her ear.

"Hey," she replied.

"Enough of that," was Bobby's response. "Someone's gotta tell me about a case. I'm bored without thinking about one," Bobby said. "Eames won't tell me what she's working on because she thinks it will get in the way of my healing."

"She has a point," Ed said. He saw the look Bobby was giving him. "Okay." He pulled himself into the chair next to his roommate and broke down the current case he and Nina were on. Olivia slipped from the room to make some phone calls.

Ed and Bobby were talking for a long time before Olivia came back in. When she did, she was followed by a woman a couple inches taller than herself with long straight black hair and sharp green eyes. Both men stopped talking and stared.

"Liv..." Ed started, but she ignored him.

"Ed, Bobby; meet Kennedy Oliver. Kennie this is Ed Green and our patient here is Bobby Goren."

The woman smiled. "I've seen you both around, but I don't think you detectives see us EMTs.." She shook Ed's hand and turned to Bobby. Ed looked at Olivia, but she didn't look back. "Detective Goren, I'm glad you're okay."

"Thank you," he replied politely. "Please, call me Bobby."

"You're a brave man, Bobby."

"Thank you," he said again. Awkward silence followed, until Olivia broke in.

"Hey Bobby, Kennie lived in Germany for three years."

"Really?" He looked up at Kennedy. "Three years? How'd you manage that?"

"I went through a program. I taught kids English in Berlin."

"And how did you like it?"

"I loved it," she smiled fondly. "I miss it terribly and wish I could go back everyday."

Olivia stepped back to let the two talk. She smiled at Ed and he yanked her down onto his lap. "I told you it'd be okay," she whispered to him.

"You were supposed to give me some warning so I could tell him," he whispered back.

"What difference does it make?"

He rolled his eyes and smiled. "Don't go planning their wedding yet."

After some time, Kennedy had to leave. "It was great meeting you," she said to Bobby. "My best wishes on your recovery." He smiled and nodded. "Goodbye, Ed."

"Bye Kennedy, nice to meet you."

"I'll walk you out," Olivia told her.

They watched the women leave and Ed looked over at Bobby. "She's nice."

Bobby's smile faded. "Don't ever do that to me again."

"What...I-,"

"I told you I wasn't up to meeting her. Listen to me for once."

"Bobby-."

"Goodnight, Ed." Ed opened his mouth and stood. "Goodnight, Ed."

"Fine, man, whatever." Ed stalked out of the room. He caught up with Olivia outside and she smiled at him.

"That seemed to go well."

"Not so much. Bobby's pissed."

"Oh." She frowned.

Ed looped his arm around her shoulders. "You know his moods have been all over the place, don't take it personally."

"I know...I just really wanted them to hit it off. They'd be good for each other."

"I don't know, I think you should let it go," he suggested. She opened her mouth to object. "For now," he added.

"So...it's only 8, what are we going to do with our night?" She glanced up the street and pulled her jacket tight.

"Is there something you had in mind?" He turned to face her and zipped her jacket up.

"Hmm...buy me some hot chocolate?" She smiled.

"Is that all I have to do to keep you happy?"

"For now."

"Sounds easy enough," he took her hand. "Okay, let's go get some hot chocolate."

"How's it going with Cassidy?"

He grumbled, "Okay, I guess."

"It can't be that terrible."

"I don't want to talk about work."

"Okay," she dropped it. "I can't wait for winter. I love the cold."

"I like staying warm from the cold."

"That too."

"After you," he said, holding open the door to the coffee shop.

"Why thank you."

The next day, Ed spent most of the day at the hospital with Olivia. Alex Eames joined them for most of the day as well.

"I should go," Olivia said, a couple hours after lunch. "Kennie needed some help shopping for something or the other," she shrugged. "Bye Bobby."

"Bye Liv, thanks for coming by."

"No problem," she gave him a hug. "Bye Alex." Alex gave her a nod and wave.

"I'll be back," Ed said as he stood and walked out the door with Olivia. They stood outside Bobby's room. "So when's the shopping trip going to be over?"

"Not too late."

"Cause I was thinking, I still owe you a real date."

"Oh yea."

"How about we go out for a nice dinner tonight?"

"Sounds good."

"8?"

"Pick me up," she smiled.

"Okay," he smiled back.

"Okay." She gave him a quick kiss. "I'll see you later."

"See ya, Liv."

Ed smoothed out his clothes as he walked down the hall to her apartment. He had settled on a pair of black slacks and one of his very favorite shirts, a dark blue silk button up. He was nervous, and he wasn't quite sure why. Probably it was just the thought of picking a girl up for a date, it had always gotten to him when he was younger. He reached out and knocked on her door, and when she opened it his nerves went away and he just stared. She was wearing a pair of black, slinky pants that were so flowing, they almost looked like a skirt. In fact, until she took a step to him, he thought it was a skirt. With that, she wore a beautiful purple and top.

He finally found his voice and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "You look beautiful."

"So do you," she nodded in approval of his outfit.

"You know, we could always do dinner later."

"With the time I actually took on my hair? No, we're going out now."

He laughed. "Okay, we do have reservations after all."

"We do?" Her eyes lit up.

"Of course! You forget, you're going on a date with Ed Green."

"Oh how could I forget?" She laughed.

"Quit picking on me and lock the door," he said.

"You gonna tell me where we're going? Am I dressed okay for it?"

"You're fine, but grab a thicker jacket cause it's chilly tonight."

"But I'm-."

"Please?"

"Fine," she went and switched jackets, then came back. "We better be going somewhere good, because I'm hungry."

He took her hand and walked her down the hall. "I've got it all under control."

Ed slid to the curb and parked, then got out and went to the passenger door to help her out. "Thank you," she said, taking his hand and stepping out. She looked around. "Where are we?"

"Come on." He took her hand again and walked her down the street. He stopped when they got to a small restaurant. He held the door open for her and they went into a warm, dark room. Everything was in reds and purples and blacks. "Two under Green," he told the host.

"Certainly, we just set your table up. Right this way." The man walked off and Ed put his hand to Liv's back and pushed her forward after the host. They were led through the room where all the tables were quiet and lit by candle light. She glanced back at Ed.

"Nice place," she commented. He nodded, smiling. The host took them up a small spiral staircase to the second floor, which wasn't a floor so much as a loft that circled around the four walls. They went all the way around to one side, passing small tables which were all empty. The host stopped at the end where there was a two person table, looking out onto an amazing view of Manhattan. Ed pulled out Olivia's chair for her then sat across from her.

"What can I bring you to drink?" The host asked.

Ed ordered a bottle of champagne, then the host left. He smiled at Olivia. "So how's this?"

She grinned and looked out the window, then back to him. "Beautiful." She took his hand over the table. "Who ever knew you were so romantic?"

"I owed it to you."

"No...you don't owe me a thing."

He squeezed her hand and stared at her. "I do...I'm lucky that you put up with me."

"You are lucky," she nodded.

He laughed. "Did you have a good afternoon with Kennedy?"

"I did. I want you to hang out with us sometime so you two can get to know each other."

"Okay."

After dinner, Ed started back to the car with her, but passed it by. "Now where are we going?" She asked, looking back at the car. He smiled, but didn't respond. "Dinner was enough, you don't have to do more." Again, he just smiled without response.

"Wait here," he said, finally coming to a stop. He went inside the bakery they stopped before and she watched him through the window. He came out minutes later with a box and two to-go cups. "Take a cup," he told her.

She took one and smelled it as they walked on. "Mmm, more hot chocolate?"

He nodded and guided her across the street to the park, then took her to a nice secluded bench over looking a fountain. They sat down and Olivia stared at him, wondering what was next. He pulled out the box and opened it to reveal a two slices of steaming apple pie. He handed her a fork. "Your dessert," he said.

She took the fork and got a bite of pie and looked at him while she chewed. She was in awe. They shared their pie and hot chocolate peacefully with little conversation. "I can't eat anymore," she said, putting her fork down after awhile.

"Ready to go home?"

She smiled. "Yea, I'm ready to go warm up...my place or yours?" She raised an eyebrow. He grinned and leaned forward for a kiss.

"I like the way you think."


	20. Nineteen: I'm Still Standing

**I'm Still Standing**

"_Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did?  
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.  
I'm still standing after all this time." _

_Elton John_

"Who was supposed to bring the pickles?"

"Stop eating all the deviled eggs, Mike!"

"I don't think it's supposed to smell like that."

"Who's watching the grill?"

"My burgers!"

"Mm, charred, just how I like 'em."

"Haha, everyone knows you can't rely on SVU to remember something like pickles."

"Shove it, Logan."

"Whose cell phone is this? Cause it's ringing."

Olivia ran over and grabbed her phone from the Major Case guy that she didn't know and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, I just picked up Bobby from the hospital and we're going to pick up a pizza. You want to meet us at the apartment?" Ed asked, in his rehearsed script.

"How far away are you? The natives are getting restless and I think Logan and Fin are about to throw down," she said, watching the large crowd of people milling around the picnic tables in the park.

"We're just pulling out of the hospital now," he replied.

"Okay, good. We'll be ready for you." She hung up and let out a loud whistle to get everyone's attention. "Guys!" She shouted. "They'll be here in about 15 minutes. Everyone remember that this is a surprise so go easy on Bobby. And pretend you're happy to see him," she directed that comment to Mike.

"Would I be here other wise? Why am I always the one getting picked on?" He pouted and everyone ignored him. Except Deakins, who gave him a brief pat on the shoulder.

Olivia went over to the grill where Elliott, Fin, Mike, Deakins, and a bunch of other guys were all standing around. "How many of you does it take to make a burger?"

"Almost done," Elliott told her, ignoring the remark. "You should go check on John," he nodded to Munch, who was the lucky one that got stuck entertaining the kids that had been brought along.

She smiled. "Nah, he can handle it." She continued her rounds, making sure everything was set up right. Before too long, she spotted Ed coming up the path with Bobby slowly hobbling along on crutches. Everyone started clapping and cheering. A look of pure shock was on Bobby's face as he, tiredly, sat down on one of the benches.

"What's all this?" He asked.

Olivia smiled and gave him a hug. She backed off while everyone else lined up to shake his hand and pat his shoulder. "Your admirers," she replied.

"Wow."

Olivia glanced at Ed, and he smiled at her but left it at that. They were still attempting to keep their relationship quiet. Even though Bobby, Elliott and Alex all knew. He gave her a small wink.

"I'll get you some food," he told Bobby before walking off.

"This is great," Bobby told everyone.

"It was all Ed," Alex replied.

"How's it feel to be out?" Olivia asked.

Bobby closed his eyes and breathed in the air, then grinned. "After over a month in the hospital? You tell me."

"So when do I get my partner back?" Alex asked, taking a seat beside him.

"Doc says at least two more weeks before I can even think about going back."

"Don't worry, I'm taking good care of her," Mike grinned.

Slowly, everyone started milling around more. Some stayed in conversation with Bobby, others got into their own. And of course there was a lot of talking, eating, and laughing.

Once all the food was gone, a handful of people started a touch football game. Olivia sat with Bobby to keep him company. "What is it about picnics and football?" She asked.

He shrugged. "It's the American way."

She laughed. "I guess that would be it."

"This is great...thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Hey Benson! You gonna flirt with the man all day or come play?!" Fin shouted from the game.

"Why don't you focus on making a touchdown?!" She shouted back.

Bobby laughed. "Here you are worried about people talking about you and Ed, and now they're gonna be talking about us."

"That a bad thing?"

"Not at all."

"Oh don't worry," Alex said, having heard the remarks. "There are a few rumors about you two, but the rumors I here more often are about Bobby and Ed being..._roommates_." She grinned.

Olivia burst out laughing and Bobby just looked between the two. "You're serious?" He asked. Olivia was still laughing.

"I am," Alex replied, starting to laugh herself.

Bobby shook his head. "I hate rumors."

"Oh come on, Bobby. You should know by now how to ignore them," Alex said. They all watched as one of the players fell to the ground, and lay there a minute. Then he was helped to the sidelines where he sat trying to reclaim his breath. The "touch" game had begun to get a lot more rough. No surprise given who all were playing it. "Looks like they need an extra player," Alex observed. "See ya," she ran into the game.

Olivia and Bobby watched the game some more. Ed, Elliott and Fin were on one team and they were killing the other team. It was amusing. Especially when Alex, on the other team, took Fin down. And he went down hard.

"Yea Alex!" Olivia cheered.

Ed and Elliott looked over at her, hurt. "You're supposed to cheer for us!" Elliott shouted.

She just grinned and shrugged, then turned her attention back to Bobby. "So I invited Kennie, but she couldn't make it at the last minute. She got called into work."

"Why are you so intent on matching us up?"

"Because she'd be good for you...and you for her. Because I adore you both."

"And she thinks I'm hot?"

Olivia laughed. "And that. What? You don't think she's hot?"

"Oh no, she is. Not the kind of woman that usually comes after me though."

"There's a lot to Kennedy...she's...not what she seems."

He nodded and bent forward, leaning on one of his crutches. "No one is."

"True."

After a moment of silence, he tipped his head sideways to her. "Ed's taking me to see my mother tomorrow...will you join us?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"If you want me there, I'm there." She took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

Ed stood by the cooler and popped open a bottle of water and downed about half of it in one gulp. Deakins was at his side. "So, you been able to figure out anything about Wallace?" Ed asked.

Deakins scratched his neck and sighed. "No. I haven't. Believe me, we tried."

"Were you able to find any leads at all?"

"None. And..." he glanced at Ed. "I haven't mentioned anything to my crew yet, but I'm being called in."

"For what?"

"For looking into Wallace after the feds said case closed."

"They can't do anything to you for that."

"Yea...they can," the man nodded, then walked away.

"That was fun," Ed told Bobby as they drove back to the apartment later on.

"It was. Where's Olivia going?"

"She and the others are going to clean up, then she'll be by the apartment later on."

"How have you two been the past couple weeks? We haven't talked about it in awhile."

"We're good. Still having a good time together. We've both been real busy, though, so we haven't seen each other as much as we'd like."

"I see."

"Speaking of which, I don't know if I told you, but while you were in the hospital I gave her my key and I used yours. I got my key back from her, but if you're okay with it I'd like to make her her own copy. It lets us see each other with our busy schedules."

Bobby watched out the window in thought. "How serious are you guys getting?"

"Bobby," Ed started.

"Come on, Ed."

"We're...we're having a good time. Like I said. I like being with her."

"You're treating her right?"

"I guess so."

Bobby nodded and looked over at his friend. "Make her a key."

"Okay." Ed drove on quietly.

"I can say one thing for my hospital stay, I finally found some more television shows that aren't bad," Bobby said.

"Hey, I told you so. So which ones are you going to keep watching now that you're out?"

"I think _Lost_. That show is very intriguing...Alex is glad I'm finally watching it, too. She wants someone to gossip with about it the next day. And _Cold Case_. That one is very well done, quite real."

"Yea I love it. Plus the women on it are hot. Especially that new girl."

Bobby nodded. "Then there's also _House_. I like that one a lot."

Ed nodded, "It's good."

"I still say reading is better, or watching the Discovery channel." Out of nowhere, Bobby started to laugh. Ed glanced over at him questioningly. "I'm walking," Bobby said quietly.

Ed smiled. "You're walking."


	21. Twenty: Enjoy The Silence

**Enjoy The Silence**

"_All I ever wanted,  
all I ever needed,  
is here in my arms.  
Words are very unnecessary,  
they can only do harm."_

_Lacuna Coil_

"When's Alex getting here?" Ed asked from the kitchen. He was working on chilling the pumpkin pies and drinks he had picked up on the way home.

"She called an hour ago and said she was leaving. She had to stop and get the turkey dinners from the diner, so she should be here soon."

Ed walked out into the living room and joined Bobby. "I got Cokes, beer, and wine. I think we're all set for our impromptu cop-Thanksgiving."

"Isn't Liv coming?"

"She's supposed to."

"What does that mean?"

Ed shrugged. "How you feeling today?"

"Bored. I'm sick of doing nothing. I did nothing for over a month at the hospital, and now I've been doing nothing for weeks at home."

"You've been getting a lot of reading done," Ed pointed out.

"Yes, but I would rather be at my desk reading case files."

"I know, Iggy...you'll be back soon." The doorbell rang and Ed went to get it. It was Olivia. "Speaking of you," he smiled. "You should have just let yourself in." She shrugged and walked past him. He followed her to his bedroom where she was discarding her coat and purse. "You okay?"

"Peachy," she snapped.

He rolled his eyes and pushed his door shut. "What?"

"Nothing. We doing dinner soon?"

"Whenever Eames gets here," he said.

"Good," she headed for the door but he caught her arm.

"What's up with you?"

"I'm tired. I've been working all week and...I'm just tired."

"This is just dinner, you aren't required to be here. Bobby and I wanted turkey and Alex had no where to go tonight-."

"We could have had turkey with Kennedy!" She blew up at him. "Her partner invited us to have dinner with them and his family! We were told to invite Bobby, and he could have brought Alex. There would have been turkey!"

"This is about that? I told you I didn't-."

"Stop! Just...stop. I get it. You don't want to go." She shook her head and picked up her coat. "And you know what? You're right, I don't have to be here. I don't _want_ to be here. I'll be with Kennie."

"Wait, you're leaving?"

She put her coat on and looked at him. She wasn't angry, she was hurt. "Ed...do you even _want_ to be with me?"

Ed opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He tried again, "Of course I do." He pulled her into his arms. "Baby, of course I wanna to be with you." She let him hold her for a moment, then she stepped back.

"I'm going to be with Kennie tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."

He sighed, but nodded. "Tomorrow. Everything will be better in the morning." He fingered a lock of her hair.

"It always is," she muttered. He walked her out to the front door and watched her leave. Just as he was closing the door, Alex slipped through.

"I just passed Benson, I thought she was eating with us?" She said.

"No," Ed replied.

"Ahh, well...I brought a replacement. Logan's on his way up. He had no one to have turkey with tonight."

Ed nodded. "Okay." He went to the kitchen to fix drinks for everyone. He was more than bummed that Olivia left, but what could he do? He quit believing, a long time ago, that he could control anything.

The four sat around and had a nice take-out Thanksgiving meal while watching _The Wizard Of Oz_.

"Y'know, this movie playing on Thanksgiving is the one reliable thing in my life," Alex observed.

Bobby nodded, "I can't recall a Thanksgiving when it hasn't been on."

"I think the Wicked Witch is highly misunderstood," Mike put in seriously.

Alex laughed. "You would."

Ed said nothing.

Once the pie's were sliced up, Ed got his coat on and put his slice in a Tupperware bowl. "I'll be back," he announced. He left the others behind as they sang along to the movie.

He stepped up to Misha's grave and plopped down. "Yea, I'll have my desert somewhere where my company is appreciated." He paused. "At least it better be." He put the pie down, not much in to mood to eat. "You women..." he shook his head, not feeling the need to finish the statement.

Olivia sat on the front stoop of Kennedy's brownstone after dinner. Kennedy had been sitting beside her quietly, but finally gave up. "Alright, Mopey, talk," she said. She bumped into Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia looked at her friend. "What?"

"What? Hmm, maybe the fact that you came to dinner alone tonight and you've been all quiet?"

"He didn't want to spend the holiday with me."

Kennedy looped her arm through Olivia's. "Now I find that very hard to believe." Olivia didn't respond. Kennedy sighed. "Why are you with him?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Why are you with him? I get that you like him and he makes you happy, but what about the times he makes you sad like this?"

"You don't understand it."

"No I don't. I mean, I see the plus sides. He's _extremely_ hot, you guys have fun, and he's a cop too, so he understands your workaholic ways. From the few times I've seen you two together, I see the heat. I'll bet anything that the sex is great."

"Kennie!"

"Oh like you expect any less from me?" She grinned, then got serious. "But what I don't get, is why you think it will work?"

"I don't know that it will."

"Liv, I just don't want you getting hurt, okay? You really like this guy, I can see it...but if he doesn't feel the same way..."

"He does. He may not act like it sometimes, but I feel it. When we're together...he doesn't talk about that stuff, and he doesn't need to. I feel it."

"Yea well take it from me, sweetie, you don't talk about things and someday it will blow up," Kennedy said quietly.

"I'll talk to him."

"Good. I just want you happy finally."

"I am...I am happy."

The next day, Ed was sitting around with the new ADA, Rubirosa, waiting to testify. His cell rang and they both looked at it. "I'll be quick," he told her.

"We're on in 5," she told him.

He nodded and went down the hall to pick up his call. "Hey Liv."

"Hey." No one spoke for a minute.

"How was dinner?" He asked.

"Would of been better if you were there," she said.

"I could say the same...Bobby wants you to come over for movie night tonight."

"And you?"

"Yes, I want you there."

"Okay...but Ed...we need to talk this weekend."

Ed closed his eyes and knocked his forehead into the wall and rested there a moment. "We do?"

"Don't we?"

"No. We just talked," he said. "I'd say we're good." He heard her sigh.

"Green," Rubirosa called.

"Baby, I gotta run. Just come over tonight, okay?"

"Fine, but I'm picking the movie."

Olivia let herself into the boys' apartment while calling out to them, "Anyone home?"

"Living room!" Bobby called back to her.

"Come on," she said to Elliott, who she had brought along.

"You sure it's okay?"

"Yea." She shut the door behind them and headed for the living room. Bobby was in the Lazy Boy with his legs propped up. "How are you?" She asked, giving him a hair ruffling.

"Good. You ran off last night."

"I did. Sorry." She motioned Elliott to the couch. "Sit," she told her partner. He nodded and sat. "He okay?" She asked Bobby. Bobby nodded as Ed came down the hall and into the room.

"Hey Li-Elliott, hi." He stopped and looked at the guest.

"Hey...she made me," Elliott quickly stated.

"I invited him," she told Ed quietly.

"It's cool. What movie did you bring?"

"Both _Mummy_ movies," she answered. He nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Okay, you two go talk and have a moment," Bobby told them. "Before we all die from the awkwardness."

"Thank you," Elliott piped in.

The two went off to Ed's room and shut the door. He pulled her close and kissed her. "Hi," he said again.

"Hi."

"We good?"

"We're good."

"You just saying that?" He asked.

"Isn't that what I'm supposed to say?"

He rubbed her arms and went for the door. "You didn't get any pie last night, you want some?

There was no "talk" that weekend, after all. In fact, Thanksgiving was pushed under the carpet and they all went on. The following weeks were fast and busy with lots of work and little time spent between Ed and Olivia. They were averaging seeing each other at least every couple of days, even if only for a couple hours.

Either way, they didn't spend a lot of time together over the weeks after Thanksgiving, so it was easy to push it away. Bobby was also busy with his Physical Therapy, as he was getting stronger and moving around a lot more. Everything had fallen into a steady flow. Ed was enjoying it, because it meant he didn't have to deal with the bigger issues. He was too busy to stop and think. He did visit Misha when he could, of course. He would always make time for that. But he was able to get away from all his thoughts that screwed things up...and for that, he was thankful.


	22. TwentyOne: Hanging By A Moment

_AN: So this is baisically one of my favorite chapters, I really really hope you like it._

* * *

**Hanging By A Moment**

"_Letting go of all I've held onto, I'm standing here  
until you make me move. I'm hanging by a  
moment here with you, I'm living for the only thing  
I know. I'm running and not quite sure where  
to go, and I don't know what I'm diving into,  
just hanging by a moment here with you."_

_Lifehouse_

Saturdays were normally a day that Ed and Olivia could count on spending together. There were times they had to rearrange plans, of course, but usually Saturdays were good. On one such Saturday, they had been playing Scrabble with Bobby and after getting sick of him beating them into the ground, they went for a walk on their own.

They walked slowly down the street. He slid his hand into hers. "Bobby's looking better," she said.

"He's healing fast. His Physical Therapist thinks he'll be back to work soon. Restricted work, but...you know Bobby. He has to get back there."

"Good...that's good. So, you getting along with Cassidy yet?"

He wrinkled his nose. "I'm trying."

"Oh I'm sure you're being a perfect gentleman." He didn't reply and she laughed.

"I'd rather Joe just give up retirement."

"Didn't you once tell me that you didn't like him in the beginning?"

"He grew on me."

"And you didn't really get Briscoe in the beginning?"

"Best partner I ever had."

"And you despised Bobby back in the day."

"Okay! I get your point. I'm bad with first impressions."

"So what'd you think of me when we first met?"

"Uhh..." he threw his eyes upward in exaggerated thought. She slapped him in the gut and he grinned. "I thought you were stunning."

"Right. Now the real answer."

He laughed again. "I thought you were probably a typical hard-ass, disagreeing, impossible to deal with, female cop."

"Is that so?"

"Yea. Until that first time we worked together. Then I thought you were a good cop...and hot." She rolled her eyes. "What'd you think of me?"

"Typical male NYPD with an anger problem. Guess I was right."

"No," he shook his head.

"Yea, hon, sorry."

"Okay...maybe I'll admit to having a...slight way with my temper..."

"And I'll admit I'm a good cop...and hot. We're even." They laughed again.

"Whatever you say," he told her.

"So you promised Bobby a movie night again tonight?"

"Yep. I promised for both of us. Why?" He glanced at her.

"I was just thinking...maybe after movie night we can stay at my apartment tonight."

"Oh?"

"I don't know about you, but I feel something's decreased since Bobby was released from the hospital."

"Hmm, now what would that be?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Embarrassed to say it?" He teased.

She stopped in her tracks. She felt challenged, and she wasn't about to let him win. "I'd like to take you home with me tonight so I can have my way with you all night long; what do you say?" Ed was taken by surprise with that and stared at her, a little shocked...and a little embarresed. She just smiled. Neither one noticed the few random men passing by who stumbled a bit, or walked into other people, or more specifically the one that walked into a postal box. It only took a moment before the embarrassment passed, then he stepped up and looked down on her.

"All night long, huh?" He asked huskily.

"If you can keep up."

"Don't you worry about that. Why don't we go now?"

"We made plans already."

"We have hours before movie night."

"You can wait."

He smiled. "Don't start things you can't finish."

"Oh I'll finish it."

"I'd hope so."

As they walked back to his apartment, they silently enjoyed the beautiful day and each others company. Ed loved it. He took in the cool air, the young teenagers laughing and shouting, the small child on a leash...he stopped and turned his head and watched a young mom walk away with her kid strapped to a leash. Ed went back to walking and shook his head. "Now, I'm no parent but...that's just wrong. Seriously wrong."

Olivia nodded. "I agree, but what do we know?"

He glanced at her, then said after a few minutes. "You'd be a great mom."

"Think so?" She felt several emotions flicker through her at once, but pushed them all away.

"Absolutely. You will be."

"Will? Every year, I'm losing that chance," she joked.

"There's no way you won't be."

"And you? I think you'd make a great dad. Overprotective as hell, but great."

"Nah...I don't think fatherhood is for me."

"Oh?" She watched the sidewalk as they walked. "Even if your wife wants them?"

Ed started getting uncomfortable. "I don't think marriage is for me either."

Olivia's pace slowed. "I see..." They walked in awkward silence for a block. "Maybe someone will change your mind one day."

He looked over at her. "Let's not have this talk. It's...not worth it."

"You started it."

"I didn't mean for it to...let's just..."

"Right...calm down Ed, I'm not asking you to marry and impregnate me," she tried to make it sound funny, but there was a slight sharpness to it.

"I just mean...y'know, why talk about that stuff? All that seriousness and..."

"Forget it," her smile tightened. They didn't speak again until they reached his apartment building. She stood on the sidewalk. He stopped at the door and looked at her. "I forgot that I promised Cragen I'd do some paperwork today."

He slowly nodded. "Of course you did."

"What?"

"No, go on," he said. "Go sit at your desk on our one day-."

"I am so sick of this," she shook her head and turned to hail a cab.

"Sick of what?"

"I'm not going there," she said. "No. I'll see you later." She got into her cab and left.

Ed sat around for awhile, thinking over what had happened. He glanced at the clock, he was sick of waiting around. After making a quick stop, he went to see Olivia at work. The precinct was quite empty since it was Saturday. He walked over to her desk where she was bent over paperwork. When she looked up, he held an envelope in the air.

"What're you doing here?"

He pulled up a chair and sat beside her. "Got you something." He handed it to her and she opened it.

"Tickets to _Jersey Boys_?"

"You've been wanting to see it, right?"

"Uhm...yea."

"What?"

"Why'd you buy these?"

"I wanted to. Obviously things were weird earlier. I wanted to do something to make us okay."

"Oh yea, cause Broadway tickets fix everything." She leaned back in her chair and exhaled. "I appreciate it, really...but it could have waited. I told you I had work to do. You can't keep dropping by here," as her voice got louder, Ed glanced around. The few other people in the room started watching them. "We agreed when this started that we were going to keep it under wraps."

"You're the one announcing it to the world," he muttered.

"It doesn't matter, Ed! I've been getting grief about us for weeks now!"

"I don't want trouble either but...I don't get you sometimes, Liv. I really don't." He stood and walked off. She followed him onto the elevator and hit the stop button.

Ed stood perpendicular to the back wall with one hand against it, and one on his hip. He wouldn't look at her. Olivia was in the corner by the button panel with her arms crossed, facing him. "I made a small joke and you freaked out. It was just...a joke," she said.

"And you got pissed when I explained myself. If it had been just a joke, you wouldn't have cared about my reaction." He finally looked at her. "Then you got pissed when I tried to redeem myself. I don't know what you want from me. You want to keep on hiding this or do you want to talk about the future? Make up your mind."

"Me? Make up _my_ mind? What about you? You don't want to call me your girlfriend, fine. Okay. But...you gave me a key. _A key_. What's that?" He didn't answer her. "_What_ Ed?"

"What is it you want from me?" He asked softly.

"I _want_ to be with you!"

He dropped his arms and closed the space between them. He brought his hand to her face and kissed her, then set his forehead to hers. "Then just _be_ with me," he whispered. "Don't make me define us." He opened his eyes and looked down at her. Her eyes were cast downward. He pressed his free hand on the small of her back and she looked up into his eyes.

"I wanted to keep things quiet until I figured out if this was...just a fling...or something more," she confessed.

"And did you? Figure it out?"

"It doesn't matter, because you haven't." A long silence followed, then he pulled her tight against him.

"Baby," he murmured in a pained voice, "I need to be with you...I just need to be with you. That's all I know right now. Stop making me...I can't give you anything more right now."

"Okay," she wrapped her hands around his cheeks. "It's okay," she assured him. She pulled on his face to bring his lips to hers. He kissed her urgently and pulled her even tighter. His hand slipped from her face and ran down to her hip as he pushed her against the wall. Their lips parted, but he still held her tight. He kissed her again, slower, then pulled away. Once he had regained his breath, he eased up and held her in a loose hug. She rested her head against his chest. They stood quiet for awhile. "Take me home," she whispered.

"What about movie night?"

"We have time...let's just...go."

Ed unraveled himself from all the sheets and limbs and went looking for his clothes. As he was buttoning his jeans, Olivia rolled over and looked up at him. She pulled his shirt from where it'd fallen on the nightstand. He reached for it, but she yanked it away. He leaned down and kissed her gently. He was able to distract her enough to get his shirt back. He pulled it over his head. "Take your time," he said. "I'll head home now so he knows we're not standing him up."

"Okay. I'll bring the ice cream."

He dropped his mouth to hers again. "We're gonna be okay."

"I know," she replied.

He headed home, but first he had to make a stop. He walked up to Misha's grave, pulling his coat tight. He crouched down and wiped the snow clear from her stone. He touched a dead yellow rose. "Sorry girl, I'll bring another one tomorrow." He pulled off his glove and ran his finger through every letter. "I..." He closed his eyes, unsure what to say. He rested his chin on his hands and opened his eyes. "Why can't everything be right? Things are better...I should be happy." He thought for awhile. "I thought I was...but...me and Liv...we keep falling to this place where...it's not good. And it always happens so fast...I don't understand it. And I...how can I ever be a good husband or father? I've never..." He ran his hands across his face. "You know about my dad, Mish. He was a hard-working man who took care of his family. He gave me such...a unique childhood, living all over the world...but we were never too close. I know it's where I get it from...I can't take care of anyone, Mish. I can't...how can I ever chance loving people unconditionally in this world? I see what this world is really like every day...look what it did to you," he sighed. "I want to be good...I want to be happy...I want to be the kind of man that she deserves...I just don't know how."

When Ed got home, Bobby and Olivia were on the couch eating ice cream. He glanced at his watch.

"Take the long way home?" Olivia asked. "I gave you an hours head start."

"Sorry, I had to make a stop." He squeezed onto the couch, leaving Olivia in the middle of him and Bobby. "How'd your afternoon go?" He asked his roommate.

"Not too bad. Alex brought me some books." He pointed to a tall stack of books on the floor.

"That'll keep you busy," Ed said, putting an arm around Olivia's shoulders. "So do I get any ice cream?" He asked her.

"Maybe. Go see if we left you any," she elbowed him. He got up and went to the kitchen. He found the ice cream in the freezer and started scooping some out. Olivia walked in and handed him a bowl. "Bobby wants seconds."

Ed left the scooper in his bowl and pulled her against him, kissing her neck. "Me too."

She turned out of his embrace. "Maybe you should have stayed at my place a bit longer instead of lying about going home."

"I really didn't mean to be so long."

"Did you tell her hello for me?" She asked.

He cleared his throat and turned back to fixing the ice cream. "Uh, no. Next time."

Suddenly they heard a loud crash from the living room. They both ran out and found Bobby sitting on the floor halfway across the room. One crutch was at his side and the other was behind him.

"What happened?" Ed asked.

"Nothing. I'm fine." Bobby replied, as he tried to stand up with his one crutch. He wobbled and fell before he was even standing. Ed went over to help him, but got pushed away.

"I just need to go to the bathroom. I should be able to do that on my own!" Ed stepped back and Olivia slipped into the kitchen to get out of the way. Ed picked up the other crutch and took it to Bobby.

"Come on. Let me give you a hand," he held out his hand. Bobby ignored it for a bit, but then gave in and let Ed help him up. At last, he was on his feet with both crutches firmly under his arms. "You good?"

Bobby nodded as he hobbled away. "Let's get rid of that coffee table."

Ed turned around and realized Bobby'd probably tripped on it. He picked it up and moved it into the dinning room, which was the same room but separated. He wedged it under the window as Olivia came back in.

"He okay?"

"I guess." She handed him his ice cream, which was beginning to melt. They settled down on the couch and started up the movie. Bobby returned as it started and sat in the arm chair. Olivia handed him his ice cream as well.

"What are we watching?" Ed asked.

"Chicago," Olivia replied. Both men groaned.

"Hey, it's my turn to pick! I almost brought 'An Affair To Remember'," she defended. "Then I decided to hold off on that until we can get Kennedy over," she grinned at Bobby. Bobby quickly became engrossed in the movie and ignored her.

When Ed finished his ice cream, he set the bowl on the floor and stretched out a bit on the couch. He raised his arm and Olivia lay against him. He dropped his hand onto her side and glanced at her. She looked back at him. He kissed her forehead, and they smiled, then went back to the movie.

The credits began to roll and Ed sighed. "Okay, I'll admit it's a good movie...but I just prefer my movies to not have singing in them."

"Babe," she looked up at him. "One of your favorite movies is _Ray_, and that has singing in it."

"Well, of course it has singing in it, it's about Ray Charles."

Olivia laughed. "Whatever you say." She glanced over at the armchair where Bobby had fallen asleep. "You gonna help him to bed?"

"Yea, I just don't want to move right now." He tightened his arm around her.

"Hmm, lay on the couch or lay in bed..." she mused.

"Good point." He lazily pulled himself away from her and the couch and went to Bobby's side. "Hey Iron Giant, wake up." He shook the chair a bit and Bobby opened his eyes.

"Mmm, movie over?" He mumbled.

"Yes, you slept through it lucky bastard," Ed replied. "Come on." He grabbed onto Bobby's arm, helped him stand up, and situated the crutches under his arms. Then he walked behind Bobby back to the bedroom, since Bobby was half asleep. He walked back out to the living room and went to the couch. "Now you," he told Olivia, who was spread out on the couch. He held out his hands, but she ignored them.

"This couch actually is pretty comfy," she said. She yawned.

"I could care less," he replied. He bent over and picked her up.

"Hey!"

"Yes?" He carried her to his bedroom.

"Where do you think you're taking me?"

He looked down on her and smiled. "Anywhere I want."

"Really?" She asked with a smile. He nodded, set her down on the bed, then shut the door and turned out the light. "Why's that?"

He went back to her and lay down, pulling her down beside him. "Cause you're all mine," he whispered in the dark.


	23. TwentyTwo: Goodnight

**Goodnight**

"_Goodnight, sleep tight. No more  
tears; in the morning I'll be here.  
And when we say goodnight,  
dry your eyes, because we said  
goodnight and not goodbye. We  
said goodnight, and not goodbye."_

_Evanescence_

Weeks passed again with the usual busyness. Ed was relieved that his day was over, even though it was Monday and he still had the whole week to go. He was tired and ready to leave. Plus, Liv hadn't called yet to cancel so he assumed they were still on for dinner. Being it a weeknight, that likely meant it would be pizza or Chinese food on her couch. But that was good enough for him. He wasn't picky.

He went and changed real quick into some casual wear, jeans and a black button down shirt, then grabbed his coat. "Goodnight, Ed," Nina said from her desk. She was getting her things together to leave as well. Ed gave her an acknowledged nod and left. He wasn't trying to be an ass, he was just anxious to leave. Besides, the two hadn't become friends quite yet and he wasn't concerned with forcing it.

When he got to Olivia's apartment, he rapped on the door. She pulled it open and looked out at him. He stood still in his place and looked her up and down. She was wearing a long black dress with a deep crimson shawl around her shoulders. "Wow," he said. She looked him up and down as well. "Hot date?" He asked.

"I thought so."

"Oh...uh...were we supposed to go _out_ out tonight?" He tried to think back to specific plans, but couldn't remember any.

"I thought so. Last night, on the phone, you asked if we were on for tonight."

"Uhhh..."

"You meant normal weeknight dinner," she concluded. She sighed and turned from him and went to the living room. Ed followed, pushing the door shut.

"What'd you think I meant? We never go out on weeknights."

She dropped her shawl on the couch, then sat down and started taking her heels off. "Guess I figured tonight might be different."

"I'm completely lost, Liv." He sat down next to her.

She dropped her shoes on the floor and turned her head sideways to him. "Three months," was all she said.

He thought about it, then closed his eyes. "Oh...right..." He looked at her. "I'm sorry. I really had no idea that-."

"That we might celebrate?"

"Well we didn't exactly make a plan to. And...I mean, it's only 3 months," he said, immediately knowing those were the wrong words.

"And when was the last time either of us made it 3 months with someone?" She turned her head to the floor and watched her hands.

He didn't answer her. He was getting uncomfortable. "I can go change," he offered. "We'll go out."

"No, just forget it."

"Liv, if you want to-."

"It's never about what I want. We both know that. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Ed." She stood and walked to her room and slammed the door shut. Ed hit his forehead with his fist and groaned, then let himself out. He went to the one place he'd feel okay.

"Oh Misha, I really screwed up this time," he said, sitting down.

"Stabler."

"I'm all dressed up, take me for a drink," Olivia said glumly into her phone.

"I thought tonight was the big 3 month dinner?"

"So did I."

"Oh...okay, meet you at the usual spot."

When Ed got home he called her house number, but she didn't pick up. He pleaded with her answering machine, then called back several more times leaving more messages. After those attempts, he started calling her cell phone. She didn't pick up.

Olivia sat across from Elliott at their table in the bar. Her cell phone was on the small table between them, and they both watched as it lit up and danced around. After the first two calls, she had put it on vibrate mode and left it out on the table.

"Seven," Elliott spoke up. "He's called seven times since I got here." Olivia didn't respond. "Just tell me what happened," he leaned forward and picked up her phone. "Or I'll answer the next call."

She snapped the phone from his hands. "Baggage," was her answer.

"Yours or his?"

She stared at a spot over his head. "His...both of ours..." she let out an unhappy laugh. "Honestly I don't think there's enough room on his baggage cart for mine...sometimes there isn't even enough room for me."

"Whose gets in the way more?"

"His."

"Did you talk to him?"

"I'd rather just be oblivious to it all...it's worked so far." Her eyes dropped to Elliott's. "Things like this happen and..." she leaned over the table and put her cheek in her hand. "He just tries _so hard_. When we argue or...or start talking about the future...or just anything that he wants to avoid...he gets this tone. He looks at me with those eyes...every damn time...and he says 'Baby,' in this tone that..." she looked down, uncomfortable about expressing out loud something that Ed probably didn't even realize he did. "The way he says it, it gets to me. I don't want to be angry or disappointed in him...I just want to comfort him, scare his demons away...and...just be his...and he puts his arms around me and we're just us again. No assumptions, or fears..." She looked up again. "And I _have_ to let those things go, because most of the time things are just _so right_ between us. We both get the job and love it. We laugh...sometimes we don't even talk, we're just there..." She stopped for a moment as she thought over the past months. "Y'know, when I told him about my mom...he didn't get scared. He didn't leave me. He didn't try to fix it...he just held me. No one has ever done that." She sighed and ran her hand over her face. "Wow. I am sounding like a complete sap and ditz." She circled a tight grip around her drink and took a sip.

"It's good to have someone you can be a ditz over," he said at last. "I guess I didn't realize how serious you were about him. I don't think I've ever heard you talk this way about anyone before."

"Yea...disgusting isn't it?"

"Not at all. It makes me root for the guy, despite him ruining your night."

"It'll be okay in the morning, it always is," she softly echoed the words from Thanksgiving. She stood up. "I'll be back," she said, before heading for the restroom. As she walked away, her cell phone went off again. Elliott reached for it.

When she came back from the restroom, Elliott was setting up a game of darts. He gave her a smile and held up three darts. She smiled back and took them from him. "What would I do without you?"

He shrugged and stepped out of the way. "Life would be boring without me."

A few rounds into the game, a voice came from behind them, "Can I play winner?" They turned around and found Ed standing there. He was still in his jeans, black shirt, and long coat.

Olivia had to take a moment to take in how he looked, and get over her belly flopping, as she did every time he wore outfits like that. Or, really, anytime she looked at him. Which only convinced her even more, that she was regressing into a teenager. When she caught her breath, she spoke. "Hi. What are you doing here?" Ed glanced at Elliott. Olivia followed his gaze and gave her partner a glare. Elliott took the darts from her hand and escaped to the bar for another drink. Olivia turned back to Ed. "What?"

He was intensely lost in studying her. Finally, he spoke. "Come home with me."

"Ed-."

He stepped up to her and put his arms around her. "Baby," he said. "Just come home with me."

She sighed into his chest, desperately wanting to be able to say no. "Alright, let's go home," she said. "But we'll go to my place." She pulled from him and took his hand.

Elliott reappeared. "You two off?"

"Sorry to bail on you," Olivia said. "Thanks for the company, though."

"No prob. I'm gonna finish this and go home myself."

"Night Elliott," she squeezed his arm.

"Night, Liv. Night, Ed."

Olivia sat on her bed in her favorite NYPD sweats (his, of course) when Ed walked in the room and kicked the door shut. He had milk, cookies, and a small candle on a tray. He set it on the bed between them. "It's not what you wanted, but-."

She leaned over the tray and kissed him gently. "It's great."

His fingers ran through her hair. "I don't mean to-."

"I know."

"You're too good to me," he whispered.

"I can't help it."

Later, she lay in bed with him asleep beside her. He started flinching with discontent sighs. She touched his face gently. When she thought he was okay, he suddenly muttered under his breath, "Don't leave." She watched him closely. It wasn't the first time she'd seen it, but it was one of the only times she could make out what he was saying. It worried her, like every other time. She ran her hand up and down his back, holding him. "I'm sorry Misha," he said. "Don't leave me alone."

Olivia pressed her lips to the side of his face. "Sssh," she soothed. She held him tighter. "She didn't leave you alone, baby. She left you with me...I'm here." Slowly, his sleep became more peaceful. Olivia couldn't sleep though. She didn't know what to do anymore.

When Ed awoke in the morning, Olivia was sitting by the window with a cup of coffee. "Morning," he yawned.

She turned to him, "Morning."

"You're up early."

"Didn't really sleep," she replied.

"Why not?" She only shrugged. "Come lay down." He held the sheets up, and unable to resist it, she set her coffee on the nightstand and crawled into the bed. She lay facing him and he ran his fingers over her face. "I hate when you don't sleep."

"And I hate when you have bad dreams."

He ignored the comment and kissed her. "You're beautiful," he told her between kisses. "Last night, and always."

"Ed," she pushed him away a bit. "I need to get ready for work...you should probably go home and do the same."

"No," he answered, pulling her back.

"I can't be late today."

He gave her a grin and pulled her back to him. "I'll write you a note." Of course, she gave in.

Ed tried to have a good day at work. He was nice to Nina and everything. As they were sitting at their desks, he stopped reading for a moment and glanced at her. "Hey...can you tell me something? As a woman?"

She laughed. "I'll try."

"Is the 3 month mark of dating really that important?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I guess it depends on the relationship. Let me guess, you forgot it?" He nodded. "Typical."

He got defensive. "I didn't really forget as much as I didn't make anything of it."

"This your mystery cop?" He nodded. "I'd say buy some flowers and really nice jewelry," she suggested. "Jewelry always helps. The sparkly-er, the better."

"She's got a point," Van Buren said over his shoulder.

He looked between the two women. "That all it takes?" He watched as they looked at each other and laughed. "What?" Van Buren shook her head and walked off.

"Grovel," Nina said through her laughter. "Flowers, jewelry, then lots of groveling."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Okay, that's the last time I ask you anything."

"Hey you won't even tell me what precinct she works at!"

"With good reason," he muttered.

"So how's your roommate?" Nina asked. She had never met Bobby, but she'd heard of him.

"He's good. He just started back at MCS on limited duty and short days. He's still on the crutches, so he's been doing desk work mostly...but he's just happy to be working again."

"I can imagine. From the sounds of it, he had a tough ride."

"He did," Ed nodded. As he went back to his reading, though, he started thinking about what he would buy for Olivia. Nina was right, he needed to buy something.

When he had a break during lunch, he called her up. "Dinner tonight?" He asked.

"Sure...I guess," she said. He listened as she had a muffled conversation with someone on her end of the line. She came back on, "I gotta make a run. I'll call you later."

"Okay," he replied. He hung up and went back to working. He and Nina worked the entire day on their case, and finally were leaving around 8. As he left he tried calling Olivia, but he got no answer. He headed straight over to SVU. Slowly over the previous month, they'd stopped worrying too much about her people seeing them together. They had all seen him come by a few times by then, so he didn't think dropping by would be a problem that night.

Ed walked through the SVU squad room and sat at Olivia's empty desk. Fin walked over, "Hey Green, how's it going?"

"Good, man. You?"

"Long day."

"Where's Liv?"

"She and Elliott have been out all day, I think they're on their way back in. You two have big plans tonight?"

"Dinner," he shrugged.

"Here they are," Fin threw a nod to the door.

Ed looked up and saw Olivia and Elliott walk in. She came over to him and slipped her hand on his shoulder. "Hey. Been waiting long?"

"No, just got here." He turned to Elliott to say hello, but Elliott was stalking off to the locker room. "Everything okay?"

"Uhm...yea. Can we talk?" She asked.

"Sure." He got up and followed her into one of the interrogation rooms. "What's up?"

"We've been working a rough case...Elliott's not taking it well. I thought I'd take him for a drink."

"Well...I guess you could invite him to have dinner with us."

"That's sweet of you, but I think it would be better if we just met up later. Do you mind?"

"I...I thought we had plans."

"I know Ed, but...he's my partner."

"Right."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, don't act like this. I'll come over later tonight and we'll order in or something. I just need to spend some time with my friend."

"Do what you want."

"Stop. Don't start getting jealous."

"I'm not jealous."

"You are. Damnit Ed. I thought we understood each other when it comes to the job? The job comes first. I liked finally dating someone who got it when I had to cancel dinner to work. Someone who didn't get jealous because my partner's a man. You don't see me acting up when you have to work late with Cassidy."

"Yea, well this isn't work."

"He's my partner! And my friend. For a lot longer than I've known you."

Ed snorted, "Friend."

"What does _that_ mean?"

"I see the way he looks at you. I'm not a moron."

She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at him. "He's my friend, and I'm going out with him tonight. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She started to leave the room but he took her by the elbow.

"So now I'm not seeing you at all tonight?"

Her shoulder tensed up and she closed her eyes for a second. "No. Now let go of me."

He sighed and let go of her arm. "I'm not jealous of him, I just want us to have dinner like we planned. After last night...I thought we needed to spend time together. I thought we needed to...I don't know...fix things," he said after awhile.

"We don't need to do anything. And you know...maybe we should just think about cutting back on all the time together," she replied before leaving the room.

Ed followed her out and watched her go to her desk. He walked over and set a hand on the small of her back and leaned into her ear. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please, just come over later." She stood still for a moment, then nodded, but didn't say anything or look at him. He stepped back and left. He really needed to learn how to keep his mouth shut. Instead of going home, he went to the batting cages. He needed to let off some steam.


	24. TwentyThree: Ragdoll

**Ragdoll**

"_But I'm not free,  
from this pain I'm feeling.  
I was a fool to think someday  
you would come around." _

_Maroon 5_

After hitting off his frustration with a bat, Ed wiped himself up and went to visit Misha. He stood over her and let the cold air cool him down. He didn't say anything, he just stood there. Then, finally, he went home. He took a shower and changed and started cleaning up the apartment. Bobby had gone out with Logan for a couple hours to get out of the apartment. Ed wished he had stopped and bought her something, but he'd forgotten to in his rush to go see her. As he was contemplating running out, a soft knock came on the door. Ed quickly got up and went to the door to open it. "Come in," he said to Olivia. He shut the door behind her. "Uh, Bobby went out so...we can sit on the couch." She nodded and followed him to the living room. "You want something to drink?"

"No," she sat on the couch.

He sat beside her and turned his body to her. "I'm sorry."

"You were a real jerk."

"I know I was."

"I realize you were looking forward to tonight, but I had to spend some time with Elliott. You know what it's like to work a tough case. We worked it together, and we both needed to just..."

"Liv, you can tell me these things."

"I don't want to tell you. No one should have to know what we saw today. No one."

He got exasperated, "I see bad stuff every day!"

"Oh? When was the last time you saw a four year old boy beaten and raped? A little boy who is so thin that you can count every damn bone in his body," her voice was shaking. "His tiny hands...no longer than your fingers." She gently picked up his hand and ran a finger over his own. "Were crushed...broken. Thick slits in his wrists. Cuts so deep...that's where his hands had been strapped together with electrical cords." Ed held her hand still and wove his fingers through hers, and placed his other hand on top.

"Liv-don't...you don't-."

She pulled out of his grasp. "No. You wanted to hear this. The boy...you want to know who did this to him? His father. The man that was supposed to protect him and shield him from evil...created-." She put her hand to her mouth and turned her head away. He saw a couple tears slip down her cheeks. She wiped her face and turned back to him. "We needed to get a drink. Sometimes, that's gonna happen."

"Liv, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I overreacted. You didn't deserve it." He reached out to put an arm around her, but she pulled away. "Did you mean what you said? About us cutting back our time together?"

She thought for a long time before speaking. "I don't want to."

"Then why'd you say it?"

"Because...it's probably for the best."

"Why?" He asked loudly. "How could not seeing you every day be for the best?"

"Ed...I'm...I can't...we..." She couldn't form her thoughts.

"Baby," he said, in that tone. "Let's just forget this and go to bed," he suggested.

She closed her eyes. "No. Don't do that to me this time."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't make me want to be in your arms and forget! Not this time."

"I thought we were in a good place, Liv. I-."

"You know things are off, don't try to deny it."

"Fine, but-."

"But, no. What we have...what is it? When will you be able to tell me what I am to you?"

"You're...you're mine."

"Shut up...just shut up," she was shaking her head. "That's not gonna fly this time. When I think about us," she turned to him. "I think about the future." He tensed up. "And you can't at all...I found myself thinking recently, 'Maybe Ed and I can go to the Blue Ridge Mountains for Christmas. I've never been.' Then I realized that I couldn't mention it because it was a month away and you would loose it."

"I wouldn't-." He refused to look her in the eye, as much as she tried.

"You would! Ed...you would. It's a week to Christmas now and we still haven't said a word about how we're going to spend it."

"Then we'll do something."

"No. We won't. I can't skate through this anymore. Being with you...it's what I want...but it won't work."

"Why?" He felt his ground slipping out from under him.

She tried to hold it back, but for once she couldn't. "Because I'm terrified of falling in love with you!" He was taken back slightly by that, and finally met her gaze. "What? Which word bothers you? Terrified or love?"

"W-why would you be scared of that?" He asked.

"I don't do serious...my job is my life. Dating...it's just a way to...I was in control before you, and now I'm not. Now I care...now, I'm falling for you...I have been since day one. And if we keep things up...you're going to break my heart."

"I'd never do that to you."

"Not intentionally, no. But you already are. You're not ready for this...you're not. You may want it, but you refuse to let yourself be serious about us."

"Why do we have to...I thought we were having fun and enjoying being together."

"We are...and usually, that'd be enough for me. But somehow, you got to me. I want things to be serious and I want you to want it. But you..." She shook her head. "Someday you have to let yourself be happy."

"Liv..."

"I can't do this, Ed. I'm sorry."

"Can't...are you leaving me?"

"Are you going to stop me?"

"I...I can't..." he said. In his mind, he was there again. With Misha pulling on him, begging him.

"You can. Just tell me to stay. Talk to me."

"Talking doesn't change anything!" He snapped. "If you want to break up with me...nothing I say will..." He shook his head.

"Why? Because you couldn't stop Misha?"

He gave her a sharp glare. "This has nothing to do with Misha. Dump me, but don't blame her."

"This has _everything_ to do with Misha!"

"We're not talking about her," he was able to make his tone calm by gripping onto the cushions.

"Right. I forgot. Forbidden topic now. I was there for you through it, but I'm not allowed to mention her anymore. Tell me, Ed. Did you go see her tonight?" He didn't answer her. "Did you talk to her about us? Cause you sure as hell won't talk to me!" She took note of his anger rising, but she didn't care. She wanted him to wake up. "When will you forget about her and focus on-."

He lunged out of his seat and turned to her. "Do _not_ tell me to forget about her! How dare you-."

She jumped up as well and stared him down. "How dare I?! Excuse me?!"

"How can you be so damn jealous of a dead girl?!"

"Because she still has you! It's over, she's dead, but you won't let go! So you screwed up, so you blame yourself! Fine! I have _never_ asked you to ignore those feelings! I never will! I don't want you to forget her altogether! But it's coming between us! Why don't you see that?!" He didn't have a response, he was still fuming. "Shit, Ed. I'm terrified of losing, too. I have issues, too. I'm trying to get past them. I'm trying to not put them in our way...I worry every day that you'll leave me. I worry that you will never love me because of who I am...and yet I'm still trying! Why do you have to hold yourself back?!"

"This is who I am, Liv."

"And for some reason, I still want you. God forbid. Why..." she exhaled and looked up at him in pain. "Why can't you just love me?" He closed his eyes. Not for the first time, his world felt shattered. "Why am I so impossible for someone to just...love? Pure and simple?" He couldn't look at her, he felt sick to his stomach for being who he was. "I get that you have pain," she went on, "but...so do I...sometimes, I just need you there for me...and you never fully are." He opened his eyes and looked into hers. He ran his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away the tears, but said nothing. She wrapped her hands around his and pulled them from her face. "It's over," she whispered, her voice breaking.

She turned away from him so he wouldn't see further tears fall. She took a few breaths, trying to compose herself. Then she walked to his room to collect whatever of her belongings were there. He stood where he was. When she came out of the room and went to the front door, Ed went to her. She was pulling his key off her key ring. She took his hand and pressed the key into it, and folded his hand shut, then looked up at him and put her hand on his cheek and pulled his face down. She kissed his cheek, then his lips. He returned the kiss, holding the back of her neck tight. It quickly grew into a hard, desperate kiss. Begging. As though they were trying to commit every detail to their memories; in fear of forgetting the feel and the taste. When she finally pulled for release, he let her go. She took a moment before whispering to his ear, "I hope one day you'll find someone worthy enough for you to forget the past and just be you. You are an amazing man Ed and..." She pulled away unable to finish, and walked out the door, pulling it closed behind her.

As she did, he quietly replied to her, "I told you...I told you to be careful..." The door shut with a soft click.

Ed didn't know his left from right and his legs felt like pudding. The immediate silence of the apartment was screaming inside his ears. A small voice told him to go after her, but he wouldn't. It was for the best. She needed someone better than him. Ed leaned his head against the door and shut his eyes, with his hand resting on the door knob. He lost track of time and the knob jiggled in his hand. He jerked back and stepped away in time for it to fling open. Bobby and Mike were on the other side. Mike strolled in, Bobby hobbled behind on his crutches.

"Hey Green!" Mike said. Ed gave him a nod. "You look like shit. Hmm, women troubles?"

"Yea...how'd you...wait...never mind."

"I know women troubles, trust me. But don't worry, I brought beer!" He held up a 12-pack and headed for the living room.

"Since when do you invite Mike Logan over?" Ed asked Bobby.

"He invited himself."

"Ah." Ed started to go to the living room, but Bobby stopped him with one of his crutches.

"You and Olivia have a fight?"

"Yea."

"Everything going to be okay?"

Ed looked at the floor with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Uhh...no. No she broke up with me."


	25. TwentyFour: Broken

**Broken**

"_There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight.  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.  
Cause I'm broken when I'm open,  
and I don't feel like I am strong enough.  
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome,  
and I don't feel right when you're gone away."_

_Seether ft. Amy Lee_

Olivia found herself knocking on her partners door. When he opened it she stepped back. He looked her over. "What's wrong?"

"Why am I always the person people lean on?" She asked shakily. "When...when can I fall?"

"Whenever you want," he said gently. She covered her eyes and the fresh tears coming on. "Come inside." He pulled on her arm and brought her in. "What is it?"

"I ended it," she said at last. Silent tears spilled across her cheeks. Unknowing what to say, Elliott took her in a hug.

"You did what you needed to do." He rubbed her back as she silently cried.

"I wanted this one to work."

"I know you did."

"It's been a long time since I wanted..."

"I know," he repeated.

"Give me ice cream," she demanded.

He smiled. "I think I can do that. Come on." He took her into the kitchen and set her up with a huge helping of ice cream.

Meanwhile, Ed was getting a huge helping of beer. He had three empty bottles at his side and half of one in his hand. This in comparison to Mike and Bobby, who were both on number two. "Slow down, buddy," Mike said. He, of course, had no idea truly was was going on. Ed hadn't spoken since sitting down.

"I'm sure you and Liv will talk things out," Bobby tried to comfort.

Mike snapped to. "As in Olivia Benson? Wow. So the rumors were true?" Ed and Bobby looked at Mike like he was crazy. "What? So I'm behind on my gossip." He shrugged and took another pull on his beer. Then he looked at Ed. "Wait...so you two were like...serious?" Ed looked away. "Well, hell. I thought you were just sleeping with her."

"Shut up, Logan," Bobby finally said.

"Sorry." Mike rolled his eyes. Ed couldn't take it anymore. He had to get up and go. He finished the beer in his bottle and went for the door. "Where's he going?" Mike asked no one. "Green. Don't go talk to her. They don't like talking to us when we're drunk."

Ed ignored the man and left the building. He got in a cab. He knew where he was going, where to find her. And he knew what he wanted to say. He wasn't going to back down.

The moment he stood before her, he took a breath. "I came to say something, and you're going to listen..." He took a moment in the silence to think. "I've tried..._so hard_ to do things right. To be a good man. But it wasn't enough. Why not?" His heart pounded in his chest. "Why was it never enough?" His voice was getting louder and he didn't plan on stopping. "You made me care. Why'd you screw with my head like that? And then try to blame me? This is all on you! This is your fault!" He started pacing angrily. "I tried so damn hard! Can't you see that?! You had to be selfish! Why couldn't you just..." He took a deep breath. "I blame you." He glared down at the gravestone. "I blame _you_, Misha. You haunted me for seven years. You still haunt me. Let go of me already! I can't do it anymore! You've made it impossible for me! I want to be normal! I want to have a chance! But thanks to you, I don't. And no one has a chance with me, because I can't forget you. I _will_ _never_ forget letting you down and letting you get killed! Never!" He continued pacing, silently.

"It would all be best if you'd never climbed my fire escape that night. I'd never have had to feel all this..." He stopped pacing and stood before her. "She wants to love me, Misha...and...I can't." He rubbed his face harshly. "I can't anymore...this...you screwed up everything. I was okay once and no one got in...then you did...then her..." He shook his head. "You ruined it. Me. I'm done. We're..." It hurt him, but he said, "I'm not coming back."

He waited for the strength to walk away. Completely drained, he made his way out of the cemetery. He was cold. He hurt. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to be as alone as he felt. For some time, he stood outside the gateway. Then he pulled out his cell phone and dialed an all too familiar number.

"Hello?" She answered in a sleep filled voice.

"Hi."

"Ed?"

"Who else?"

"What do you want?"

"You."

"Ed-."

"I'm drunk and I don't want to be alone. Please."

"How come I only see you when one of us is drunk or lonely?" She asked.

"Cause that's how it works between us, Kim. Yes or no?"

"Yea, give me thirty minutes."

He hung up with a sigh. He'd worry about hating himself in the morning. Right then, he'd just worry about not feeling...anything.

Ed sat in the cold darkness on the floor, leaning against the bed. He had the quilt wrapped around his body. On the bed, under the sheets, Kim slept. He pulled the quilt tighter around himself, wanting to drown in it. To disappear. He dropped his head on his knees. All he could see was _her_ face in his mind, and the reaction it would hold- the heart aching pain- if she knew. He didn't have to wait for morning, he hated himself already. The numbness was wearing and he was beginning to feel the pain again. He heard Kim stir and whisper his name. He crawled back onto the bed, shedding the quilt. He had to forget her face, her words, the scene at the graveyard, the pain...he needed to be numb again. So back he went, into his ex's arms.

* * *

_**The End ...(maybe)**_


End file.
